Random Thoughts of Bargains

I can smell a bargain a mile away. I had to live with the cheapest SOB on two legs for 19 years of misery and had to learn to be thrifty to ever have anything neat in my house besides a cooler for a coffee table or the plastic bookshelf as my entertainment center. So I learned the magic of Junkin'. This post will be the informative post of random bargain info you have always wanted to know, but were afraid to ask.

Good ol' Brenda, the Queen of good intentions herself, tagged me and since I am unathletic and can't run, she caught me. So for your viewing pleasure I will give you seven shots of Randomness about me and my Bargain Guru-ness. Above is my favorite piece and BEST FIND EVER. It's not crooked, just lousy photography. It's an Apothecary Chest from an old oilfied office of my best HS friend's dad. I paid $10 for this baby. I fought harder for it than my kids during the divorce. Not really. He didn't even know I had it...

Whoops! How did this get in here? Okay, well, this is what you might find in the GOOD bargain stores with the GREAT deals. Take you a sticky pad and set it around wherever you stand. Once on, they can never get off. Literally. This is who was scaring me and making me crazy a couple of days before the hurricane blew in. He and some of his buddies took refuge in my kitchen and had a mouse convention with popcorn, Raman noodle packets, and hookers. Above is the popcorn and one wasted convention-goer. I hope he got what he paid for and died happy. I also caught the hookers. I know they were hookers because they small and petite and flashy-like. Whores.

2. This is a picture of my NEW FIREPLACE SCREEN 3D helped me get for my birthday!! Amazon rocks and even Mr.Picky loved it. Thank you, thank you Deb! Can YOU say you have ever gotten a fireplace screen for your birthday? I didn't think so. I had been looking for months for one and when browsing through Amazon, I spotted this and thought, "HEY! Deb gave me a GC and so this screen only cost me like $50. I know. I am a Bargain Shopper Deluxe.

3. Speaking of Bargain Shopping, above is a frame I bought in an antique store for $10 that I think probably belonged on a buffet or dresser. I added some cardboard cut to shape and hot glued fabric to the cardboard. The crosses on there are to keep Tiffany and her wet-nurse Deb and their vampire selves away. Actually the crosses are magnets and plastic. Hot glue. (Please ignore my personal obese photographer that is wearing Amy's dirty shirt she left for me because she didn't want to do laundry, or it was too small in the boobs, I forget. The photographer still had on pj's from this morning and needed something to hide that she hadn't put a bra on. Sloth.)



4. Another bargain: Plate rack from the Salvation Army in the ritzy part of Dallas $5. Plate on top that no one will ever eat off of: 75 cents from the Soul's Harbor. Two bottom plates brand new from Pier One: $2.20 each. All the crap on the hutch, dollars at flea markets and junk shops. Just try to get the same color or like colors for displays. Because I am Martha Stewart. Only not a gagillionaire, mean, been to prison, and I can't cook. The hutch was a bare piece of furniture that we refinished. I went in the store to look for furniture and Rick came with me because it said NUDE on the front of the building and he thought I was taking him to peep show. Much cheaper to buy nude. But if you have to wear clothes, you can still get good deals. I crack myself up!


5. Four matching leaf frames from Big Lots: $3 each. The pictures inside aren't pictures. They are a napkin I found at the junk shop where the crazy schitzo lady hangs out and talks to herself. I just cut it to fit and again...hot glue. Napkin: free. mainly because I bought some other junk and the schitzy girl was stressing the guy behind the counter out and he missed ringing up the 10 cents. I look for her bike with the long orange flag on the back because she always helps me get better deals.

6. I bought this coffee table for $20 at my favorite Junk Store and stripped it, painted it with my kitchen paint, sanded it and stained it. When you go to buy a refurbished distressed piece and they are asking like $750-PAY IT!! That was hard and I sweated more than I would like to whine about. Notice the SkyMall magazine on the beautifully finished table top. And Gus with his devil eyes.

7. Okay, I know you are sick of this, but it's the last, I swear. I got this bed at the Soul's Harbor in Waxahachie. It's a headboard and footboard and still in my garage because I haven't had time to move it into the guest room. Or the energy. Ready? $20. For both. AND metal side rails. Wheeler Dealer Extraordinaire.


Okay I lied. One more. This is a collection of platters in my dining room. Aluminum platters. Cool platters. Cheap platters. You can find these for $2-10 at the junk shops. The hangers cost me more than the platters. Always choose junky, dirty, have-to-dig-around-in-boxes stores instead of the fancy Antique Shoppes. That's where all the bargains are.

So now you know how cheap I am. Or maybe you already knew.