Okay, I know you ALL, all thousands and thousands of you, are on pins and needles wondering what the hot topic of conversation will be about tonight. Alright, maybe just you, Amelia.
As some of you know, my MIL stayed the weekend with us. I LOVE my MIL. THIS MIL. So I will talk about the first MIL.
The eXMan's mother, I will call her, let's see...ummmmm, MF'nB, because, well she is AND she hated me. She had no personality and I am sure sold her soul to the devil at some point in her life. She worked as Beezebulb's right hand man and it was her mission to make me cry on a daily basis.
One day I was late picking up her prescriptions and delivering them to her due to a huge line at the pharmacy. When I returned to her labyrinth, I said, "I am so sorry. There was 500 people in line." She spun her head around multiple times and with flames shooting out of her eyes, spews, "REALLY, Jill. 500? I am so tired of your falsehoods." (That was actually a big word for her 8th grade education.) I attempted to explain the difference between a lie and an exaggeration to no avail. I left really thinking we had made some headway and she was beginning to soften.
On her birthday, I got her a book. And she actually commented to a neighbor she liked it. So, I bought her another one for Mother's Day and she threw it at me screaming, "I HAVEN'T FINISHED THE ONE YOU GOT ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!" Alrighty, then. Needless to say, the MF'nB and I never had much of a relationship. Frankly, I hated Satan and all that was his and she hated me. So it worked well.
Anyway, this post is not about my eXMan's MF'nB. It's not even about my wonderful MIL whom I love very much and who loves me, too. (She did comment that I was spending too much time on my computer and if she wasn't so certain that I loved her, she might take it as being rude. Point taken and I visited with her for the rest of the weekend.)
This post is about my long-anticipated visit to my sister's. So to help you understand all the characters that you will hear about and see, I will introduce the cast:
Mom- the matriarch, BossHog (only thin, beautiful, & funny without the cigar or white suit)
Erin- baby sister, single, OCD, beautiful and cynically hilarious
Parker-Erin's 13 y/o son, obsessed with his development of bodily hair, uses the word "pub" incessantly
Rick- my bald headed hunk of manhood
Lance-my son-in-law, also OCD and takes 45 min showers
Kalee- my 23 yr old daughter, the stylish Diva,known by her family as Miss Manners (mom to Grayson, 2, & Kaydi Jo, 4mo and stepmom to Jacob, 8.)
John David- my 21 y/o son, who alone keeps the local beer joints in the black
Trevor- my soon-to be 20 y/o son, the life of every party (his b'day is Sun and part of the celebration)
Brit- my 15 y/o niece, Dingbat extraordinaire
Claire and Cooper are at their dad's, so won't be in this equation
Gammy-Mom's mom, corrector of all English misnomers
Bobo-Mom's dad, Gammy's eXMan, dating Gammy for now until he pisses her off, which is usually daily, which makes us all snicker to watch her put him in his place
Dan- Mom's bro, self-proclaimed taster of all food and family clown
Cindy- Dan's wife, family-appointed laugher, who undoubtedly has the greatest giggle EVER
Gene- Amy's hunk of manhood, birthday boy, object of lots of pointing and laughing this weekend
Chris- Amy's oldest, National Champ of Poi
Cody- Amy's middle son, wearer of baggy pants that show his undies which drives Gammy insane
Cole- Amy's youngest, family teller of jokes and self-appointed laugher of everything Parker does
Amy-Ashley lookalike and hostess with the mostess
Jill-me, Mary Kate double and party go-er
Please memorize these as there will be a final test on Mon the 4th of Aug.
There will be a $10,000 grand prize of Monopoly money awarded to the winner.
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