Don't 'cha hate it when you go to get gas and with 5000 things on your mind, are trying to deal with 3 kids, 11-15, who won't shut the F up and quit arguing and calling names and you hear the click of the pump finishing fueling up your vehicle and you get out and get your receipt and then get back in the car and drive off...until you hear the giant RIP of the nozzle you forgot to take out of your gas tank? yeah, me, too.
Don't 'cha just hate it when you finally drop the screaming fighting spawns of satan off and drive to work and trying to calm down begin to listen to the oldies station and Elton John and KiKi Dee come on and you sooooo want to sing KiKi's part out loud, but the guy in the car next to you won't speed up or slow down and when you glance over to see if he's watching is already looking at you and thinks you like him and so you are forced to part your lips ever-so-slightly to eeek out "oooooo hooooo nobody knows it...nobody nooowhoos it" without moving them so he can't see you are singing to yourself? yeah, me,too.
Don't 'cha just hate it when you are in your car and are driving between 2 towns that have no f'n gas stations between the 2 and you have to pee so bad that you even turn the radio off so you can totally focus on NOT peeing in your pants and you even begin to hold yourself and accidentally speed up because when you try to stiffen your back to take any pressure off your bladder that you automatically press on the gas and almost rear-end the lady in front of you all while you are talking out loud and not really caring who sees you scream, "Come on MFrs I am going to wet all over myself! Get the F out of the way!" in a really high-pitched voice that could break glass? yeah, me,too.
Don't 'cha just hate it when you finally make it into the restroom where you have shoved 2 old people out of the way to open the door and rip your pants down that you had already started unbuttoning before you opened your car door and unleash the gush of urine which is more rewarding than any orgasm you have had since the night before only to brought back to reality when you open your eyes and raise your head off the back of your shoulders to see there is no F'n toilet paper and you sit and think to drip dry that gusher would take somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 minutes so you take off the F'n empty roll of cardboard and dab yourself so you won't smell like the urine-stenched patient you just saw? yeah, me,too
Don't 'cha just hate it when you come out of the bathroom after washing your hands for 7 solid minutes only to find that everyone in there must have heard you in there sigh really loudly once you released yourself because they are all looking and snickering and one says, "Damn, girl. Did you have to pee bad?" yeah, me. too. And yes, I did, thank you for asking.
6 days ago