The Weekend

As you all know, I went to see my mom and sisters this past weekend for my sister, Amy, and my mom's birthday. Amarillo was freezing cold, and as expected, the wind was blowing like a million miles an hour.

Here is picture of Amy paying no attention to me, but instead is on her flippin' blackberry watching her video over and over.

Here is what happens when the wind blows a million miles an hour in the Texas panhandle. These are Texas style tumbleweeds. Ya know everything is bigger here... This was taken while I was getting gas. I stayed in the car because I am a whimp and honestly I am petrified of being speared by a giant tumbleweed.

We ate out every meal because it was Amy's and Mom's birthday and that left Erin and I...

Hello Restaurant Row!!!! This is Erin and Mom at Cracker Barrel for breakfast. And yes, they actually eat, just not like the Champs do.

Here are the Champs.

Amy had her bouffant going and all four of my chins were present to enjoy the grub.
Here we are staring at the sun with our eyes watering and unable to open. Look at Mom's new dog, Lucy, a King Charles Cavalier. Isn't she so cute? (Amy will say, "Thanks for putting a picture of me with my eyes closed!" and I will say, "But I looked good, so shut it We are about to eat. Erin looks like she is about to pass out from hunger. I wish I would have know you were getting a boob shot because I would have smushed them together for greater cleavage. Shut up, Deb. Yes, I have to use my upper arms for cleavage.

This, my friends, is what we ate for breakfast.
Blueberry pancakes, eggs over-easy, thick sliced bacon, (slurp)

Biscuits and gravy, Cheesey hashbrowns, Sausage, Grits, Stewed Apples, Ham, and an orange slice. This was just mine and Amy's side of the table.

We ate and we laughed, which made us hungry, so we ate again.

My sisters and I grew up very sheltered. Our dear mother sat behind us with a cup towel while we watched TV and covered the screen if any violence or kissing went on.
So Erin, in all her 34 years has never seen the Thriller video. She said at the exact point every time she tried to watch it, Mom or Gammy made her "turn that filth off". So I educated all of them and played it for them on my laptop. Below is video of them watching it. They were all so into it, they never looked over to see if I was doing...

This is long, but the background music will put you in a good mood. Just watch my mom's reactions. Erin will be giving her dance officianado commentary thruout it's entirety.

WHOO HOOO!!!!!

Do you know if you push enter trying to move your signature down, it posts? Hmmm. learn something new everyday!

I just got home from my wonderful trip and had a package waiting on me!!

The perfect ending to a perfect weekend. (Well, someone to clean my house after my messy children and pushover husband were here alone would make it COMPLETELY perfect, but you know what I mean.)

So I of course rip my package open and then remember I need to be capturing this on film. So here is the first shot:

It is so pretty and actually I am so pumped about how cute the freakin' box is, I almost forget I have to take pictures. So after I open it, I see a card.
Now, I am no Magnum PI or anything, but I have a limited number of followers from Florida and I am honestly giddy about who I think has gotten my name might have sent. Man oh man, was I right about to get completely verklempt over this (And I am not even Jewish)!!!

I HAVE HIT THE MOTHER LODE OF SSS GIFTS!!!!! WHOO HOO!

Dream Angels Desire perfume and body lotion in a neat little bag AND a book on Patricia Cornwell, who is one of favoritest(yes, that's a word) authors.

I am dancing around and pelvic thrusting and my kids and husband are staring at me like this:

What? You have never seen anyone giddy? Sheesh!

Thank you ,thank you , dear sweet Secret Santa Sister (that I think I know who you are). You have excellent taste. May my poor, unfortunate person who got me be half as excited and happy as I am. I love ya, girl that I think I know...

Worth The Wait

Okay, okay!!! I know you have been waiting and I promised a post last night...but really this time it wasn't my fault. I went 6 hours away to my mom's last night to surprise Amy for her birthday. Mom and Gene, Amy's husband, and I worked all week on how to pull this off. I had a cancellation in a scheduled meeting and was able to come a day early. But Amy was late arriving, then I couldn't connect to mom's internet and didn't have the energy to use her 1936 computer. SORRY!!!



I wanted all of you to be a part of the party. So push play and when Amy looks at the camera, just yell "SURPRISE" really loud.



WARNING: Do NOT stand near glass when viewing this. Risk of shattered glass may ensue.

Okay, now watch it with no volume and just watch her and Cole's faces.

Not Today- Tonight, Honey.

I promise to post tonight. I am swamped and don't even have time to read yesterday's posts. Please forgive. I promise tonight will be well worth the wait. (that's what she said)

Guess Who Is FORTY Today

Once upon a time, forty years ago today, in a small town in Kansas, a little red headed sister was born to her older sister. The mom and dad brought her home to the sister and she loved the new baby from the first time she saw her. She was three, but very astute.

The sisters grew up inseperable, joined at the hip like conjoined twins, doing everything together. They laughed, they danced, they made up skits and entertained their family every night. They sang to Donny Osmond and Sean Cassidy and did one another's hair and make up. They even looked alike and were often mistaken for one another.

They slept together ever chance they got, even though they each had their own rooms. Every night they would race to the bed, because, as everyone knows, the last one in bed had to turn out the light. Every night since they could remember, the little sister always had to turn out the light. And when she walked to the other side of the room to flip the switch, the older sister would giggle and snort awaiting her little sister's return to hte bed in the dark. Just as little sister was about to lay her head down, older sister would jerk out her pillow and throw it across the room. Older sister would become hysterical, thinking this was the funniest thing in the world. They would laugh and laugh until they heard their mom say, "GIRLS!!"

One night, when the sisters were 12 and 9, the nighttime ritual had started. The race, the loser walking to turn thelight off, the winner in bed stifling the giggle, allready gripping her sister's pillow. The little sister sat and began to lay down. The pillow went flying across the room. The burst of laughter escaped the older sister's lips. The little sister reaches down beside the bed and pulls up another pillow stating, "I have a spare!" Older sister laughed so hard that snot flew out of her nose.

The girls grew up and were maids of honor in each other's weddings and were there when each child was born. They continued to confuse people with their uncanny similarity by wearing the same outfit to many parties and even having the same hairstyle, even confusing their children.

Little sister is her big sister's very best friend. They talk on the phone nightly and text each other every chance they get. Big sister would not know what she would do without little sister. Big sister loves little sister very very much. This will never end.

This is little sister. She is old today.

Happy Birthday, Aimless!!!! I love you.

Name-dropping and Teeny Tiny Foreigners

I just want to say that the people you meet on a cruise and share almost meal with, become your "family" on the ship. We sat at a table that had the most AWESOME couples and just fell in love with them. I even was more pumped to go to dinner than normal, just to laugh and visit with these people. I apologetically name-dropped some of YOUR names when they told us which state they lived in. Sorry if you wanted to remain anonymous.

This is Morris and Donnette from Connecticut. They didn't know you, Nikki Crumpet. But their dogs HAD heard of your dogs.

Another couple was from Ohio. They didn't know you, Jules, but they were wonderful, so you need to look them up. The last couple was from Puerto Rico. I have no blog buds from there, so everyone is safe. I don't have pictures of them since I always had too much wine at dinner and totally forgot to snap one. Sorry.

At St Thomas, which, yes AFF, was totally the shiznik, we went on a tour with a group of ladies on another ship that were from England. They were hysterical and even when they said things like, "What is that building?" or "It is so hot here," I was cracking up at them. Their accent was so great. I could have listened to them  all 7 days. Plus, they told us when they went back to their ship, we were "a delightful couple". Smart and funny. Perfect combo.

I really think there is something wrong with me. Just riding in van for the short tour with these ladies, I was talking like them, using the same inflections and verbage they used. I couldn't help it. It was getting on Rick's last nerve and when I would talk, he would jerk his head to look at me with this wide-eyed frown on his face. I would just look at him and in my best English accent I would say, "What?" Then for the rest of the day I said "spot of tea" and "smoke a faggot" like a million times. I was freakin' hilarious and cracking myself up.

We gambled every night and won and lost and won and lost, but it was quite entertaining. I had this favorite machine and spent most of my time on it, feeding it all my money. On Wed. I went to go sit at MY machine and there was this tiny little Puerto Rican lady sitting there. Poor thing. It was a nickle machine, but I had played it so much, I knew when to bet a  nickle on one line or all 9 lines. But she didn't. She had no clue what she was doing and was betting one nickle on one line. For an hour. I hovered. I sighed and gave her the 'get-off-my-machine-you-tiny-little-woman' look. I even asked her if she would be playing it all night. She, of course, spoke no English and just glared at me. I was literally Jonesing to get on that machine, and with turtle like movements she pushed one button and drove me INfreakinSANE. So, after an hour, I gave up and went and threw away $40 on another machine.

The next night, I literally ran down to the casino, thinking that freakishly teeny woman was NOT going to take my machine tonight. I rounded the corner, digging my twenty out of the front my bra and came to screeching halt. There she sat, only now she was accompanied by her freakishly tiny husband. She looked up and gave me the stink eye and I slinked off. The rest of the week, I would see her during the day and we would glare at one another, then look at our watches to see if the casino was open yet. I would be there at 3pm to play my machine and she ALWAYS beat me there. I think she was slipping thru cracks like a mouse to get to that damn machine. That is the only explanation there is. I would see her sitting in a chair up on the deck and so I would take the stairs to the casino, only to find her already there. I was beginning to think there were 2 of her. Or she was magic. But she never won, so she wasn't magic. I don't think. She stressed me out the rest of the cruise.

Speaking of stressing me out, my daughter Kalee told Grayson, who is now THREE, "Grayson, you are stressing me out." Ten minutes later, he said to me,"GiGi, you are stretching me out." So that is now the way we will say it. Don't stretch me out. I need a drink, I am stretched out. God, I LOVE that kid.

A Couple of Pictures

Now that everyone has gone home and I can come out of the kitchen, I am now checking back into Blogland. I.AM.NEVER.COOKING.AGAIN. Okay, at least not until Monday night. We cooked 3 deep fried turkeys and had 2 honey baked hams. I cooked all day Tuesday because I had patients to see all day Wed, and finished Wednesday evening with all the cooking. I was so flippin' tired on Thursday, that I hardly ate. Which was good because I had gained probably 10 lbs. on the cruise.

Speaking of cruise....

Since you asked, here a couple of pictures from our trip:

This is a picture of our ship. Don't ask me which dock/island we were in.

Dana Wyzard is so popular and famous that she has her own store in St Maarten. By the way, Dana, the girl that you had working that day wouldn't give me that discount I told her you said I could have. Fire her.

This was a beach we visited. We had taken a tour and didn't have a chance to lay out and tan. Heh heh. Like I would do that anyway.

Rick was ready to go tan but I made him pose for a picture. And no, I am NOT pregnant. It just looks like it

This is wear I had to pee. I couldn't take a picture of the other side because IT WAS A HANGING OFF A FREAKING CLIFF. I was wondering why there was sunlight coming thru the floorboards.

This was St Thomas from the peak that I watched Rick climb to take a picture. marrying a mountain climber has it's perks. No, people, It was a trail. No ropes or picks were needed. I waited on level ground and sweated. HEY!! Waiting is tiring.

No idea where this is. Ummm, Curacao?

This is definitely Curacao. Maybe.

I actually married this weirdo man that PAID some dreadlock dude to pose with his boa.

This was a formal night. I was just waking from a food coma I had eaten myself into. And no, I am not pregnant here either.

I standing here with my erection. Okay, really, it's my drawstring. Note to self: Don't tie you damn drawstring over your huge ginormous pudge. It makes you look like you a have a hard-on.

Does this life vest make my face look fat?
Take note of the light that is over my left boob...

Please note where Rick's hand is strategically placed. Over this light that about the size of a nipple. The man could not quit twisting it the entire time he had that damn vest on. I would clear my throat and nod to let him know that he was still titty-twisting. He would stop until I turned my head then again with the rolling it in his fingers. I think I even saw him lean his head back and close his eyes. He is a sicko.

This was in our hotel in San Juan. I had just said, "Don't let me leave the camera. I HAVE to take pictures for my Peeps." So Mr. Funny decides to snap one of me undressing. I am sure I am saying, "Darling, precious, don't take one of me, pretty please." or something like that...

Okay. I WENT on the freakin' trip and I am bored, so I will add more later. Hope everyone had a fabulous Thanksgiving. I am so glad it's over and I am so not looking forward to puting up all the Christmas decorations that are down from the attic and sitting on my office floor. I just don't have the energy.