Ghost Ship

Thanks Amelia for filling in for me on Thurs last week and totally cracking me up with the albino picture of me. I owe you big time. Really. Big time. Really big.

I am finally getting my computer back from my freakin' kids that are home for the holidays. Jerks. Just kidding. They are wonderful precious souls. Just kidding. I could go on forever, so let's get on with the show......

The Royal Caribbean ship, Adventure of the Sea, is now known as the place where all famous people who have died go. Seriously.

I saw many famous people, but Rick and his "you can't just take a picture of strangers" philosophy was ringing in my ears ALL.THE.DAMN.TIME. and I never had my freakin' camera when they were around. Except one day....

So when he went to the bathroom while on St Thomas, I took one of Sadam Hussein yelling at his wife.

There was also Desi Arnez Sr (Ricky Ricardo), Hitler (only his famous moustache was under his bottom lip), and Gilda Radner. All of them were there. And I was an absolute idiot when they were around me. By the way, Desi's wife hated me and thought I was ready to jump the old guys bones.She gave me the stink eye every time I saw them. And he wore fish net mesh tank tops. A big turn off for me.

Since we boarded out of San Juan and apparently they offered a special to Puerto Rican folks, any English speaking person was the minority. Peurto Ricans are very sweet and VERY LOUD.

They know how to have a good time, but they all travel together, all 25 members of their family. And they all stayed on our end of the ship. On our deck. And opened and closed their door 500,000 times in a 24 hour period.

Tiff and Deb jinxed me. They, along with 5 million other screaming teenie-boppers have talked non-stop about the damn Twilight series, Edward, Bella, yada yada yada. So at the airport, I am scanning the bookstore waiting to throw out 20 bucks for the cheesey paperback that will take up the couple of hours on the plane I will not be sleeping when I see it. There on the top shelf is Twilight. I smiled and looked around hoping there was something that would persuade me to buy it. I wasn't going to fall victim to this rage. I was going to be the one and only human with a vagina on the planet that had not read the stupid book about stupid vampires falling in love with a stupid girl.

I am hooked. Jerks.

Tomorrow holds non-stop patient care and cooking at night to prepare for the 35 people that will be coming for Thanksgiving. So I will be back on Friday. Everyone take the week off so I can catch up with you guys!!!!!

"We Apologize For Any Inconvenience This Delay May Cause You"

Let me go down on record by saying that a perfectly wonderful vacation can be pissed away on the flight home

WHEN...

1. The plane you are scheduled to fly across the ocean on has 1.5 hours worth of maintenance prior to your boarding it.
2. That 1.5 hour of NECESSARY maintenance made you miss your connecting flight.
3. You are put up for the night in a hotel that has ONE person driving the shuttle to and from the airport to pick up the 60 some-odd stranded passengers and because you are pushed and shoved out of the way, don't make it to your hotel room until after midnight.
4. You have no clean clothes because you have checked everything in your carry on that was of necessity for the duty-free booze and cigarettes you purchased for Christmas presents prior to knowing that you MIGHT NEED that make up and deodorant because nothing says Merry Christmas like Cirrhosis of the Liver and Lung Cancer.
5. You have received a meal voucher and, again, because it is after midnight, don't get to use it because the hotel restaurant is closed.
6. The hotel restaurant doesn't open until 6:30am, but your flight leaves at 7am...meaning no breakfast either.
7. When finally arriving to your destination city to find out your luggage is lost.
8. If I hear one more person tell me they are sorry because they inconvenienced me I.WILL.CHOKE.THEM.
9. And my ankles swelled because I think I am in renal failure and now have Congestive Heart Failure from all the alcohol consumed...
10. But, I am back.

WHOO HOO!!!!

I am home!!!!

Let me catch my breath and find my camera. I have so much to share.

Preview:
1. The ship we sailed on was haunted.
2. Tiff and 3D- you cursed me, I know you did!!!!

Confused?! I will fill you in tomorrow. Or tonight, if I get my act together.

Me Me Meme

Remember, this was written a week prior to you reading this. I have 6 posts to do before I leave for my trip, so I am deperate and don't want you to forget me. This a meme I borrowed from a LOT of you, but the latest one was Deb. So, for your insomnia:

1. Where is your cell phone? purse (who knows where that is)
2. Where is your significant other? kitchen
3. Your hair color? red (no, I don't color it)
4. Your mother? sad (she misses my daddy so much)
5. Your father? Heaven
6. Your favorite thing? Blogging (and the grandkids)
7. Your dream last night? nothing
8. Your dream/goal? bill-less
9. The room you’re in? Family Room
10. Your hobby? decorating
11. Your fear? Alzheimer's
12. Where do you want to be in six years? here
13. Where were you last night? Salt Grass
14. What you’re not? skinny (see above)
15. One of your wish list items? Lottery
16. Where you grew up? Borger
17. The last thing you did? walked (I know I am shocked, too!)
18. What are you wearing? sweater
19. Your T.V.? flat
20. Your pet? Andy
21. Your computer? worshipped
22. Your mood? satisfied (is that a mood?)
23. Missing someone? Daddy
24. Your car? Nissan
25. Something you’re not wearing? shoes (yes, I am wearing panties, thanks for asking)
26. Favorite store? Farmhouse
27. Your Summer? hot
28. Love someone? Yes
29. Your favorite color? chocolate
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? today (I am versatile like that)


I know, you wanted more and really don't give a rat's ass about this, but HEY!!! I am on a dang cruise and if I am killed in a violent hurricane, this may be all you have to cling to. I miss you and wish I was home blogging and reading you.

Dear God , please let me get chased by a shar or almost fall overboard or something bloggable for all peep's reading enjoyment. But don't let it hurt. Amen.

The Secret Is Out

Hi All! This is Amy, aka Amelia Bedelia. For those of you who don't know me, I am Jill Jill Bo Bill's sister.  Younger sister, that is. For any of you who have older siblings, I want to first of all say "I'm sorry", if you were tortured and made fun of, like I was. I was pee'd and puked on by my older sister, and still have emotional problems from the pain I felt as a child. Jill is always the center of attention and was always involved in everything. I, on the other hand, felt more comfortable with my little group of friends, and only getting involved if I absolutlely had to. I grew up anwering to "hey, Jill's sister!" My own mother even called me Jill. I learned it was just easier to answer to "Jill" instead of trying to explain that my name was Amy. But good news, younger siblings!! I have Jill's password to her blog! I told her that I'd be "happy" to guest post for her, while she is out of the country, and she was dumb smart enough to give me full access to her blog. SUCKER!

I do have many stories about my sis growing up. I have even posted about them. (For examples, click here and here).  But there is one secret that none of you know......Jill wanted to be a Coppertone model. I even gave you an example of her picture she sent in to the Coppertone Company.  (Warning: Put your sunglasses on before you view the picture or you will be blinded!)

She was one hot mama, huh? Sorry to say, the Coppertone people didn't agree and she never got the chance to fullfill her dream. So, me, being the nice sister that I am, thought I would give her that chance, to show the world just how hot she is in a bathing suit. So, here you go, Sister!  You're welcome. You can thank me later.  Wow, she is going to be so surprised when she see's this. I bet she buys me a great Christmas present!I can't wait!

 (actually this is Amy!)

You Are Invited

Dear God,

Please don't ever let this happen to me.

Amen

(click to enlarge)

Wait for it....

wait....

(Okay, click on it to (hee hee) enlarge)

How special. She was able to wear white.

(snort)

I just wanna know what the Mother of the Bride wore.

Tomorrow, Amelia Bedelia, my wonderful sister, will be hiijacking this blog and making you laugh. Be nice and comment a lot. She is a crier.

How to Shower

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks, turning all clothing right-side-out.
Walk to bathroom wearing long robe.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror.
Make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Rinse off.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Give him a little wink and a smile.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed keeping your boxer inside your pants.
If wearing whitie tighties, roll them all the way down your legs until they are a tight twisted rope-like object and kick your legs until they fly off.
Ignore where they land.
Unless it's the ceiling fan, then turn it on and fling them across the room.
Hold hands up in referee formation for field goal.
Leave all clothes in a pile on the floor.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Flex your non-existatant muscles and turn your head over your shoulder looking at your ass.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Pee in shower.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed as you fart again.
Laugh at how hilarious you are.

THE award

I was awarded this by one of my favorite bloggers, Jenni at Jiggety Jigg. It's the smorgsboard, the supreme pizza, the Motherlode of all awards. And sweet little funny Jenni said we can make up our own rules. That is my favorite part.

So these are the rules:
Since it is November, The month of Thanksgiving, I am most thankful for you, my friends.
SO.....I am giving you all this award. Unlinked, Because I am (say it with me) LAZY. I mean my Lord, people, look at all of you that I love. Jay, you already got this from Jenni, but FYI, I love you, too.

If your name starts with a/an:

A-Amelia Bedelia, Angela(My Dogumentary)
B-Binks
C-Candid Carrie, Cookies, Choc Covered DD, Coral, Country Girl(Misplaced), ciii
D-Deb(soxy) and Deb(dirty socks)and Deb(Don't judge), Dawn
E-Em, Elaine
F-Farm Blahg, Froggy Bloggy(Justine), Farrago
G-Georgie, Good & Crazy(Carissa), Ginny B's
H-Happy Meals & Happy Hour, Holly(AF) and Holly (June Cleaver)
I-It's Not Always What it Seems (Lisa)
J-Julie, Jennifer Suarez, Janie (Sounding Forth), Jill (Scary Mommy)
K-Krista, Karen(NucMed)
L-Life is Good (Dana), Life of a Nguyener(Amybo),
M-the Mom(Jen), Megryan's Mom, Mamahut, Manic Mariah
N-Nikki Crumpet(look at you with a letter all to yourself)
O-Our J'Ollie Home, Ouisa(Shelley)
P-Pork Chops(Captain-Danielle)
Q-Queen of the Planet Hotflash(Deb)
R-Rhonda, Ronda(the ranter)
S-Short pump Preppy(Linda), Suzann(Lavender&Roses), Swirl Girl, Sid(Sixy mom)
T-Tiffany, Tena
U-U!!!!
V-Very sure I mean, YOU!!
W-Wheezer's Cheese,(A) Woman's Perrogative(Carey Sue)
X-xtra special commenters
Y-yes, YOU!!!
Z- Zilch-I have nothing else, now go share the love.


I miss you guys like crazy!!!