Update

I have had (AGAIN) a week of complete turmoil and chaos. I haven't had time to check my emails, read my blogs, or post. I pop on today to find that 3 of my buddies are done with blogging. I totally get their reasoning. I totally feel their pain.

Tonight I get to meet up with group of DFW bloggers and laugh and drink and possibly dance on a table or two. It is a much needed break from all the stress from this week.

Until the issue is resolved with my niece, I may be scarce in commenting, reading, and posting. I promise I am not leaving you, just need to do some things that make me not so fun to be around.

Don't talk about me behind my back.

Love you and I will post about all the things we get Jay to do tonight. I KNOW that will be funny!!!

One Act Play(er)

This is based on a true story. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Setting: The hospital where Lill had worked for 3 years. She returns to visit with old co-workers and to market her current company.

Scene takes place on 2nd floor at the main desk. Hospital personnel milling around doing hospitally things.


Cast of characters:
Lill- has physically changed over 5 years since working in the hospital, gaining 20 lbs. RN who blogs.
Terrence- Respiratory Therapist of unknown origin
Many other extras in scrubs who have nothing to do with the story, but make it more realistic.

Ater much hugging and visiting/small talk, Lill approaches the doctor's area to see if she can score a referral. Goes in to find not a doctor in sight.

Lill turns to leave the room and runs into Terrence. Literally.

Lill: Oh. I am so sorry! Excuse me!
Terrence: No, I am sorry!

Lill tries to squeeze around this 6'2" man, but he holds out his hand.

Terrence: Don't I know you?
Lill: I used to work here about 5 years ago.
Terrence: No. No, that's not it. Have you worked doing other things?
Lill: I was a Hospice nurse.
Terrence: No, that's not it. I have seen you before.
Lill: I had a marketing company...
Terrence: No...
Lill: I give up. Where have you seen me?
Terrence: It has to be a mistake...
Lill turns to go.
Terrence: (snapping fingers) The internet!
Lill: (turning with an awkwardly cocked head) Well, yes. (pride swelling in head and a small amount in her chest)
Terrence: I knew it! I knew I had seen you! I can't believe you are here, standing right in front of me ! Oh my God!
Lill: (blushing slightly) I can't believe you read me!
Terrence: (throwing back head laughing) Oh, I don't read! I just look at the pictures! Girl, that site of your is hottt!
Lill: (Big cheesy grin falls to the floor) Wha?
Terrence: (suddenly realizing he just said the wrong thing) You don't have a site?
Lill: Yes, a blog.
Terrence: You're...you're (searching for name)
Lill: Lill Lill Bo Bill...
Terrence: No, that's not it.
Lill: No. that's it. Really. I know my own website.
Terrence: No I KNOW that I have never been on the porn site Lill Lill whatever.
(Cue screeching tires sound effect)

Lill turns and moves quickly down the hall to the stairwell where she hopes her 20 extra pounds will catapult her down two flights of stairs so the embarrassment of what just happened will stop.
Lill: (to herself with total disgust) Someone thinks I was in a porn!

As she begins her descent she suddenly has an epiphany.
Lill: (to herself, with excited) Someone thinks I was in a porn!

Scene fades with Lill skipping to car. (Cue music)

Say WHAT?!

A text you DO NOT want to receive from your 20 year old son who is off at college, not sure that school is right for him:
Him: Is Curtis still a homicide detective?
Me: Yes WHY?!
Him: (10 minutes later) LOL!! I was watching "first 48" and thought I saw him on there.
Me: Oh You scared me. LOL!

thirty minutes later

Him: Mom I think I know what I want to do with my life.
Me: What
Him: Homicide Detective
Me: Thank God you weren't watching "Queer Eye"

Something you don't want to hear your then 8 year old say after emeging from the Men's room at a roadside gas station during a road trip:
"Mom, can I have 50 cents?"
"What do you need 50 cents for?"
"There's a box on the wall in the restroom that says 'Lot's O' Fun'. So can I have 50 cents?"

*******************************************

My friend Ron suprised me with this wonderful drawing of my favorite three year old, Grayson.

He used this picture minus the pretzel and rainbow clown wig.

Ron can sing, draw write books, you name it. Check him out and if you whine a little, he may just draw you.

Just as long as he doesn't draw me in the blonde wig, I will continue to sing his praises.

He is so sweet and talented.

Thanks again, Ron!

"Mom, I'm Sick"

I rushed home from work yesterday to check on my baby boy who stayed home from school with a sore throat, severe cough, and a bout of vomiting. He is 12 and had fallen back to sleep when I left. I was gone about four hours.



Below is what I came home to:

gallon of milk-left out and open

three of MY yogurts licked clean

75 packages of sweet N low opened

toaster out

empty bag of cereal

empty coffee pot

This is how I left the kitchen:

1/2 gallon of milk in fridge

8 pack of MY yogurt in fridge

75 pkts of sweet N low in their jar

toaster in cabinet

1/2 bag of cereal in pantry

12 cup coffee maker with ten cups left.

I am thinking unless he is running 107 degree temperature, vomiting pieces of his liver up, or on a ventilator, he is going to school.

A Day Late and A Dollar Short

Much thanks to the thousands hundreds fifteen of you that decided to take my quiz and see how bad I had damaged your life. I thought it was pretty funny myself, but 2 of you thought in real life I am a bitch. And for the record, I really only have 7 kids. I can say "only" now thanks to Nadya Suleman. She makes 7 seem like an only child.

As you know I have joined the cult KMFBAG (see the cute pink box to the right there--->) and am dieting and working out. I told you that I would post a picture of me prior to the brainwashing and torture, but I am now thinking I will save it. I am officially the heavyweight contender here and just in case I cave and continue to gain weight, I may have to save that "before" picture for my "after" picture.

Yes, you read that correctly. I have GAINED weight this last week. I gained 2 pounds and haven't had the guts to climb on my wii for the weekly weigh in. So I will weigh when my kids aren't home so my language won't scar them.

I have eaten yogurt, cottage cheese and salads when in reality I wanted pudding, french fries, and lasagna. I have walked, done aerobics, and some yoga when in reality I wanted to sit, blog, and eat chips. I even started taking vitamins and calcium. I am really worrying myself. This new healthy lifestyle is making me all nervous and twitchy. Must be the cheesebuger withdrawals.

The DFW Blog dinner is the 28th, and if you live remotely nearby, I encourage you to make the trip. We have over 20 confirmations so far, and if you want to be a part of this get-together, the email is on my side bar under the heading of DFW peeps, or you can leave it in my comments and I will pass it along. Just confirm, because if I have to give up my reserved chair to you, things will get ugly. I will be jonesing for mashed potatoes by that time and I cannot be held responsible for my actions.

I will do my Tribute Tuesday tomorrow mainly because I am so weak with hunger that I can barely type. Or I am all pissy because I can't eat what I want. Either way, Tomorrow will be Tuesday for me.

If you haven't taken my quiz, look below and see how well you know me. Put it on your blog and have fun making up questions to test all of us. It's a free post so take advantage of my generosity. The next time we talk, I may eat your arm off.

I guess I will go choke down some almonds and pretend they are Pringles.

How Well Do You Know Me?

This is test of the Emergency Broadcasting System. This is only a test. Beeeeeeeeeeep.

I got this from Tena
and just had to share it. It copies on your post page really weird with lots of spaces, but if I knew what I was doing, it would probably be fixable. Since I don't, then you are stuck with spaces. So sorry. See how well you know me and then you can steal it for your next blog post.

How much time have you wasted on this blog and what has it gotten you? How Many Brain Cells have You Killed By Getting to Know Me? 1) In Real life I am a(n) bitch stripper RN personal trainer

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Laugh With Me

This video was created by my son, Trevor's friends, Andi and Landon. They have graciously allowed me to share it with you. I have watched this over and over and have laughed hysterically each time. Landon has this incredibly cool computer with a camera that allows neato and groovy things to happen when you choose them. I now know what I will be asking for on my birthday. Enjoy!!!!



Original Video - More videos at TinyPic