I am Changing My Name To Jerry Springer

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, it did.

I have decided to transform my garage to a TV studio. The lights and chairs are in place and the audience is restless. The burly bodyguards have been hired are are waiting in the sidelines.

Enter this Saga's stars: my sister, Lizzie(Mom of the Year), my niece(Smartest 15 year old on earth), countless horny bastards, worthless state and city employees, and Me(the current reigning Heartless Bitch).

Let's review a tad:
August 08: My niece decided to move out because she had the choice to follow the rules and quit sneaking out to have sex or move out. Simple enough. She chose to move out because, like most 15 year olds, she is so much smarter than adults.

Oct 08: I get a letter from said niece begging to come back because her mom is making her go to school and work. She now hates her mom (again). I said no.

Dec 08: Repeated calls/texts from niece saying she has changed and will follow rules. I make heart-wrenching decision to stick to my guns and continue to say no, explaining I cannot put MY kids thru this.

Jan 09: Receive call from Lizzie saying I need to take Britt back because she is done being a mom. Three days later I receive call saying niece is pregnant.

Feb 09: Spent a month finding niece a place to stay/advising her to give baby up for adoption. She refuses saying she is never going to do either one because she can take care of herself. Still wants me to take her back because "she can take care of herself". My sister moves to Washington state and leaves her daughter homeless and her Mother of the Year crown in storage.

Mar 6th, 2009: Niece arrives in my town saying she is here and wants to move back in. I say "hell to the no" again. I spend the entire weekend being a prisoner in my own home until my security guy can come and talking with the police. She had sent a text to my daughter telling her to steal money and a phone from us. The police tell me they cannot do anything. CPS cannot do anything because they don't know where she is.

Cue the chorus of "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"

I will be signing autographs after the show.

Stay tuned.