Monday, January 26, 2009

Stick A Fork In Me

Now I remember why I am not a baker.

I made my bread (you know, the Amish friendship kind), but decided to throw everyone a curve and do cinnamon rolls. Normally I go to our Czech bakery for these. Let's just say after this weekend, I will continue to pay for cinnamon rolls.

The recipe I got off the internet had me trying to knead an oatmeal-like batter, so I added more flour because that what my Amish alter-ego told me to do. And when I say "more" flour, I am really saying like 2-384 more cups.

So the cinnamon rolls were breathtaking. And by breathtaking I actually mean you couldn't breathe in when you tasted them or you would ingest into your lungs 386 cups of flour. And God knows that is never a good thing.

So I am tossing in the towel as a baker. I will now focus on being a butcher or a candlestick maker. I have my first aide kit and fire extinguisher handy.

45 comments:

Deb said...

well, at least you tried. and it sounds like nobody died, so that's good, right?

i will admit, i had some serious doubts when you started getting all june cleaver-amish on us. thank goodness it didn't last long!

Annie said...

Good effort,though!

Marla said...

homemad cinamon rolls are over rated

♥georgie♥ said...

okay save them and we can use them we go shoot skeet....
I am NOT a baker either Jill...i wouldnt even begin to try BUT I do LOVE amish bread hint hint

The Mom said...

Oh I let my local bakery do my cinnamon rolls...but at least you tried, i'm so lazy.

Julie said...

I have one word for you.

Cinnabon.

Mary Moore said...

I don't even dare try. Good for you for trying. Now stop it.

Ginger said...

That sounds like most of my baking fiascos...you try so hard and make a big mess in the kitchen, just to have it end up in the trash can. Ever since I moved to a higher elevation, nothing comes out right.
I bet the kitchen smelled good though, with that cinnamon.

Swirl Girl said...

...again with the not sharing thing.


have you turned in your electric stand mixer for an ox and a rolling pin yet??

Marilyn said...

Um yeah.... You need to ask your sister for a start of the trailerpark friendship bread I sent her.
SO easy.
If you want a super simple perfect every time cinnamon roll recipe let me know, I have a great one.

"Steer" (get it, steer, like a cow : ) clear of butchering, I here it's messy, and why bother making candles when you can buy two for a dollar at the Stop-N-Shop.

lani said...

LOL .......you are to cute.....Lani

Soxy Deb said...

sounds like we'd have an easier time sticking the fork in you then in the cinnamon rolls.

i'm with jules - cinnabon...

Wheezer said...

Have you ever heard of Pillsbury? Sheesh!

Tenakim said...

Thank God you're back- I was getting worried about you turning all domestic on me!

Ronda's Rants said...

Great...now I have gone from thinking about girls scout cookies to cinnamon buns! I should have just went with lipo-suction or in my case hippo-suction!

Smores for Breakfast said...

i hear you. it's amazing you tried though! But no matter what airport I walk through, I smell cinnibuns and I start sweating them! they are just sooo good!

Rhonda said...

Well, at least they've got an ER nurse on hand.

What you should have done, though, is haul out your camera and say you did it on purpose because you needed some blog material. And then start snapping away....

Oh, and when I first saw your title, I thought "Oh, is THAT what they call it in Texas!" lol

Eudea-Mamia said...

The flour industry thanks you. Way to stimulate the economy!!

Such a patriot.

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

Can I make candles with you? I'm kinda a pyro...

Nicole said...

Hey you can say you tried. I'm sure you are a pro at other things! Like blogging!

PaulsHealthblog.com said...

While yer at it, why not try your trade at being a silversmith too?

nonna said...

easy cinnamon rolls:
preheat oven
peel wrapper off pilsbury cinnamon rolls
plop in pan with cinnamon stuff UP
cook 8 min
spread icing on

voila!

Michelle said...

Oh..I am really sorry about that. Don't feel bad I can't bake either. At least you tried. That's better than I can say for myself.

dana wyzard said...

Don't forget!!! The interview that you INSISTED on doing with me will be on my blog tomorrow. I had NO snappy answers. dammit

Kritta22 said...

Cinnamon rolls are the hardest thing I've made. Seriously, they are sooo touchy! Try a pumpkin pie or Pineapple upside down cake. Yum!!

mydogumentary said...

You never know unless you try! Cinnamon rolls are tough--i'm too big of a wuss to try to tackle those!

Dawn said...

I so want to be a baker. I love baking. I love the idea of baking. I just bake worth a shit! LOL!

Tiffany said...

You should be a candy maker like me. All you need is a candy thermometer and it tells when to stop cooking. Easy Peasy. Now "real" food? Not gonna happen.

collinskid said...

For God's Sake!! Who bakes anymore anyway? I am with everyone else-pillsbury canned cinnamon rolls. Another good one are the Rhodes Cinnamon Rolls-in the supermarket freezer section. Then lie and tell everyone you made them-who knows,right? Who bakes anymore anyway?

Brenda said...

If we were meant to make cinnamon rolls at home, there wouldn't be Cinnabon!

Jenni Jiggety said...

I baked a breathtaking birthdat cake for my son this weekend...

I am going to skip the butchering though...unless it is songs we are talking about in which case I am totally down with the butchering.

Shelley said...

One word, Pilsbury.....

nikkicrumpet said...

HAH if you'd done a great job and they'd turned out perfect....we all would have just called you a "bitch" under our breath. It's much better that we love you than you get to eat cinnamony goodies right?

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

That reminds me of the I Love Lucy episode where Lucy decided to bake bread and added tons of yeast. At least you didn't have it growing out of the oven.

Justine said...

ROFL! Your last paragraph about had me peeing! Death by cinnamon roll aspiration. Yeah, explain THAT to the medical examiner!

Since you're getting all Amish and shit, make a quilt for me after you're done dipping candles, would ya?

Justine :o )

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

You do know Pillsbury makes them in a can?!?

Sabrae Carter said...

I took pay for all the bakery's!!! I don't bake. I cook! lol

Elaine A. said...

My husband makes them from biscuit dough and they come out great. no lie. But as a Czech-American, I say stick with the bakery down the street! ; )

Suzann @ Lavender and Roses said...

LOL! Kudos to you for even attempting.

Jennifer Suarez said...

LOL they were too thick and you added MORE flour?!?!!!!!

As a person who loves to bake that made me LMFAO.

Well, at least you tried!

Debbie said...

Well, you are so good at everything else, you were bound to find something sooner or later that challenged you!

Deb said...

I totally feel your pain. I made them not too long ago and they were horrible!!!!!!!!!!!

Janie said...

Remind me not to ummmm...eat breakfast at your house.

Yaya said...

Hahaha! My first time to your blog and I see you ruined bread and soup! I think we'll get along just great!

Mrs4444 said...

I love to bake, but not with yeast or anything scary like that. I'll have you over if I ever bake cinnamon rolls; I know mom has a good recipe that involves frozen bread dough!