Thursday, February 12, 2009

My Wife Is Cwazy

This week, like many others has been crazy and I apologize for the absence in both posting and commenting. I started my diet/exercise torture and Monday barely made it through the deep breathing exercises of the Wii Fit Yoga. BTW, according to their calculations, I am apparently age 44 and borderline obese.

So with that ray of sunshine, I have begun my version of working out while trying to maintain a somewhat livable environment. I cleaned like a mad woman, vacuuming and mopping my hardwoods for four hours and almost took Andy to be euthanized because he ran into the house with muddy feet.

We have survived my husband's business audit and do not have to move into a refrigerator box under the local overpass. That in itself is worth falling on my face and crying my wails of thanks and praise because God knows how much I hate camping out because of the whole peeing-in-buckets aversion I have.

Claire turns 14 next month and has evolved into this beautiful, yet obnoxious human. I felt obliged to sit her down and inform her, "This ain't my first rodeo, sister. I know what you are thinking, what you are doing, and you cannot outsmart me," to which she replied, with finger raised, " It's 'This ISN'T your first rodeo'." Stay tuned for live footage of Mom's head blowing off her shoulders.

Speaking of footage, I will soon be posting a before picture me from Sun when I was borderline obese. I am sure by now I am centerfold ready. It HAS been four days, people. I am sore in places that I didn't even know had muscles. This could be from either working out or playing cars with Grayson, my 3 year old grandson, all weekend.

I will leave you with some sayings courtesy of Grayson, or Gwayson, as he says it:

After being disciplined by his mommy and told to stop throwing his toys in the air, he replies, "Fine. And I don't even wike your hair." That should keep mom from ever telling him "no" again.

At my mom's house, she has a basket with ceramic and reed spheres on her coffee table. Baby Kaydi Jo was helping herself to them, tasting and gumming them to her big brother's horror. So in desperation to undoubtedly save his sister, Grayson calls out, "MaMa!! Kaydi Jo is wickin' your balls!" One day he, too, will find this as funny as we do, I am sure.

On that note, I weally weally need to go workout. Cwap.

Water, Gator.

34 comments:

Soxy Deb said...

I miss you and will twy not to cwy while you awe away. Pwease downt fowget us while you awe wefowming youwself into a beutifuw peacock (hehe - I said cock)


You want to know the sad part? It wasn't even hard to misspell all those words.

God save me from hitting a drive thru while out running errands. Amen.

Deb said...

we only have to do this diet and exercise for a week, right? then we get to blow off tena?

i am certain the wii fit must have miscalculated. it was probably using japan standards. no one can measure up to those.

The Wixom Zoo said...

Hehehe...I love kids.

J'Ollie Primitives said...

I was kinda hoping it was a post from your hubby revealing all your secrets....oh. You don't have any. Darn.

Staying tuned for the head blowing up OMG I will happily pass on my Psycho Mom tiara and banner to you...

Megryansmom said...

Wewcome back to bwogging.

Ronda's Rants said...

I love your grandson...how cute!
I feel your pain sister...Oh that's my own...Russian Gymnast kinda pain!

Aria said...

Kids say the best stuff ever ~ and I'd pay big fat mondo cash to be as *ahem* "obese" as you are. Seriously. If I got a Wii Fit, I'd make the damn thing cry and jump back into the box by itself.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Okay, I tried Wii Fit yoga last night and the stupid piece of you know what said that I was 57 in fitness age. Then, it has the nerve to try to be sympathetic by asking, "What is the reason for the weight gain?" Hell if I know!!

Anyway, just needed to vent. Keep up the good work.

Gwayson is a cutie.

Eudea-Mamia said...

I'm with Deb - the WiiFit is completely off on its "healthy" standards.

Hubs is 6 - 1, it told him he should be 168 pounds. Seriously?

No WAY is my man going to weigh less than me!

Congrats on the audit!! And wickin balls comment - Awesome.

Julie said...

OMG...LOL...we are so much alike it scares me every single day.

OK who's Tena?

And now I feel compelled to be getting acquainted with her since you and Deb are because clearly I'm going to be the fat sister at the family outing in April as it is, we do not need to look like the number 101 when standing all together.

Mrs Parks said...

Step away from the Wii!
How many times to I have to tell you, the Wii is more fun if you play ping pong and eat doughnuts.

I love the things kids say, but honest to Gawd the one about Grayson telling his Mother she has bad hair is priceless.

Brenda said...

So glad to read you aren't moving to the interstate!

Have you tried the running part of Wii Fit - who knew running in place could kick my butt!?!

Sheri said...

I just got my wii fit, and I'm with you - that yoga crap is HARD! But, yeah, something's gotta give!!! I do love the advanced step!!

Swirl Girl said...

"...wicking your balls!" LOLOLOLOLOL


didn't you know the phoenetic pronunciation of diet = die yet?

Chris said...

You just cracked me up. Silly woman. Good luck with that Wii Fit. Mine's under the end table collecting dust.:)

Hugs,
Chris

Debbie said...

Oh yes, I liked both of those stories. Very much:)

Jill said...

Have fun with your workout, don't work to hard. LOL! I am going to be afraid of the wii fit board when it's my turn to step on it!

Kristen Hermanny said...

I think everyone has gone to do other things. My blog has been real quiet.
I need to find a Wii and Wii Fit, we looked everywhere and couldn't find one. Maybe we should try again, with it being farther from Christmas.
good luck on your beautification. I am down 14 pounds since Dec. 14th when hubby and I started "clean eating". He is down 12. HA I AM WINNING!!!

Bee and Rose said...

Oh to be a fly on the wall at your house! lol! Super funny post!

Buddha's Place said...

I wuv your grandson. You know when the WII thing says "step on"? I shit you not, it say's "OH!" When I step on. I can't hardly type because I have been boxing and I really want to kill the WII.

Dawn said...

LOL Wickin' your balls! Too cute!!

I'm proud of how hard you are working. Maybe after I hear/see your progress it will motivate me! LOL!

♥Trina♥ said...

Yep, the family will have some fun at "Gwayson's" expense later on. That is hilarioius!

Annie said...

Working out is overrated.

Kritta22 said...

Are you going to be on the Real Desperate Housewives of Dallas???

You have to be hot to be on those shows.

I think you need to put Grayson in a box and ship him up here.

Rhonda said...

Way to go!! Keep it up!

nikkicrumpet said...

I hear if you lose more than 7 pounds...you lose your funny. I'm gonna be really sad when you aren't amusing anymore. I guess I'll just have to count on grayson to keep me cracking up.

Lisa L said...

omg...(((hugs))) 14 yr old girls. I feel your pain sista...

Justine/Justiney/Tiney said...

Oh man, there were so many elements of this post that cracked me up. "Ain't your first rodeo", can't get through the Wii warmup, and OMG, Grayson!!!!!!!!!! Too funny!!!

Justiney ;o )

Ginger said...

OMG Grayson has the family "humor" genes. That is too funny. BTW I love Amy's haircut!!
And you are not even close to obese so put that Wii on mute and don't listen to it.
Great post and when you come to your senses, call me and we'll cruise the drive thru at Wendy's.
Ginger

imjacobsmom said...

So I wonder what Wii's calculations would be for me - 'cuz I'm 45 and obese! More power to you I hope you survive your diet and your teen. ~ Robyn

Nicole said...

LOL how cute and hilarious!

Good luck with your work outs!

Mom Taxi Julie said...

ain't my first rodeo. LMAO.

binks said...

My Wii broke and there went the exercise portion of my life. I would be ecstatic if I was borderline obese. That thing would gasp every time I got on. And I am waiting anxiously to get this thing repaired why?

Aren't little kids the cutest? Too bad they grow up to be 14 year olds.

Angela said...

Gwayson is adorable!!!!!