Monday, February 23, 2009

One Act Play(er)

This is based on a true story. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Setting: The hospital where Lill had worked for 3 years. She returns to visit with old co-workers and to market her current company.

Scene takes place on 2nd floor at the main desk. Hospital personnel milling around doing hospitally things.


Cast of characters:
Lill- has physically changed over 5 years since working in the hospital, gaining 20 lbs. RN who blogs.
Terrence- Respiratory Therapist of unknown origin
Many other extras in scrubs who have nothing to do with the story, but make it more realistic.

Ater much hugging and visiting/small talk, Lill approaches the doctor's area to see if she can score a referral. Goes in to find not a doctor in sight.

Lill turns to leave the room and runs into Terrence. Literally.

Lill: Oh. I am so sorry! Excuse me!
Terrence: No, I am sorry!

Lill tries to squeeze around this 6'2" man, but he holds out his hand.

Terrence: Don't I know you?
Lill: I used to work here about 5 years ago.
Terrence: No. No, that's not it. Have you worked doing other things?
Lill: I was a Hospice nurse.
Terrence: No, that's not it. I have seen you before.
Lill: I had a marketing company...
Terrence: No...
Lill: I give up. Where have you seen me?
Terrence: It has to be a mistake...
Lill turns to go.
Terrence: (snapping fingers) The internet!
Lill: (turning with an awkwardly cocked head) Well, yes. (pride swelling in head and a small amount in her chest)
Terrence: I knew it! I knew I had seen you! I can't believe you are here, standing right in front of me ! Oh my God!
Lill: (blushing slightly) I can't believe you read me!
Terrence: (throwing back head laughing) Oh, I don't read! I just look at the pictures! Girl, that site of your is hottt!
Lill: (Big cheesy grin falls to the floor) Wha?
Terrence: (suddenly realizing he just said the wrong thing) You don't have a site?
Lill: Yes, a blog.
Terrence: You're...you're (searching for name)
Lill: Lill Lill Bo Bill...
Terrence: No, that's not it.
Lill: No. that's it. Really. I know my own website.
Terrence: No I KNOW that I have never been on the porn site Lill Lill whatever.
(Cue screeching tires sound effect)

Lill turns and moves quickly down the hall to the stairwell where she hopes her 20 extra pounds will catapult her down two flights of stairs so the embarrassment of what just happened will stop.
Lill: (to herself with total disgust) Someone thinks I was in a porn!

As she begins her descent she suddenly has an epiphany.
Lill: (to herself, with excited) Someone thinks I was in a porn!

Scene fades with Lill skipping to car. (Cue music)

47 comments:

Suzann @ Lavender and Roses said...

Because I am sick and twisted, I'm going to tell you to think of this as a compliment. He thinks you are hott! As in bauw chicki bauw-wauw (my sick attempt at music). It may be an hott you don't desire, but heck over 40 I give hott as hott.
You go girl!

Ronda's Rants said...

Why Jill you scoundrel!
I mean er Lill!

Midlife, menopause, mistakes and random stuff... said...

My, my Jill Jill Bo Bill......
Now I know where that name came from. It's your "stage" name right? You can tell us....it's okay.....you're amongst friends :)

Steady On
Reggie Girl

amelia bedelia said...

Jill, its ok to let this secret out. Everyone will understand and still love you! OMG!!! I laughed out loud when I read that he thought you were in a porno! What a dufus. (see this is how you repond when you think something is funny!) hee. love ya.

Megryansmom said...

So you've been holding out on us and have this awesome porn website too?

Annie said...

I love it! And you know....the net adds 20 pounds, so I'm sure he was wondering about the waif in front of him.

♥georgie♥ said...

LMFAO!!!! I can not stop laughing!!!!!!

so who is this Lill person?
;-)

Oh my Jill you are tooooo funny...can I have your autograph so when your porno makes it to TMZ i can sell it on ebay?

Joanie said...

wow... who duh thunk... and with all those kids. and you're still hott! you go!

Julie said...

Well, "Lill" is certainly hot enough to be in porn, or so I've heard.

Boom chicka wow wow...

Tiffany said...

LMAO Was it lesbian porn with Deb and Georgie? You know Deb outed yall. And you must have looked pretty hott Lill for him to think that.

Mrs Parks said...

See, I knew you were hot, I just didn't know you were THAT hot!

Jennifer Suarez said...

OMG!! This is too funny. Can I please have access to your other website HAHA!

Well... at least he finds you to be attractive enough to have such a site right?? I try and see the silver lining whenever I can ya know?

Hey, and if this look a like is making money doing it... yaaaa know..... ;-) KIDDING KIDDING!! sheesh!

Tenakim said...

total compliment! You have to go back and ask him which one so we can do a split screen- is there something you're hiding from us??

Kristen Hermanny said...

What do you do for 10 dollars??? Whewww! Way to go!
Reminds me of the time I pulled into the strip club parking lot and told my mom, hang on I gotta go get my check. You should have seen her face. PRICELESS!!! (no I don't work at a strip club).
This is good. Terrence sounds like he like good booty too.

Soxy Deb said...

I get the feeling that I'm supposed to think that Lill is a bad girl for doing porn. I can't get on board with that. After all, I did an entire city.
Rock on Lill! Porn is good!

Mom Taxi Julie said...

So what are you REALLY doing in your spare time with your web cam lol.

Angela said...

That had to be so crazy!!! OMG can you even imagine if that really were the case and some patient so you in that way. I think I'd become a hermit.

Ginger said...

LMAO Jill. Love that it is "based on a true story"...
Hey, we all think you're hot, why shouldn't he?

Anonymous said...

I tried reading this at work and not laughing...it was hard!!

oohh you are a funny girl, wish I had discovered you earlier, I just "found" you last week, and am totally enjoying your sense of humor,right up my alley!!

And the fact that we have the same first name says it even more!!

Thanks for making me smile on this cold, Monday morning!!

Jill From NY

TexasRed said...

I agree -- definite compliment (unless you were wearing lingerie and fishnets to the hospital to get your referral -- in which case it would be easy to see how he might have gotten confused)

Michelle said...

That is so funny! I can only imagine how she felt.

Lisa L said...

This is hilarious! What also is hilarious is whenver I google my name 'Lisa L' on the computer? It ALWAYS comes up with me being a porn star...ALWAYS.....AND there are eleventy million sites dedicated to this chic who shares my name..It makes my kids roll around on the floor laughing...and I'm all..what's so funny? I *could* be a porn star if I wasn't tied down by y'all!!! Which sets them off into hysterics again ;) Kids..they *can* be cruel...

Mariah said...

I'd take that as a compliment and get a brownie to celebrate

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

Wow Jill!!

You must be doing Carmen Electra's striptease workout making you all hot! I am doing Jillian's so I am looking kinda manly!

I knew there was another way you were paying for that mansion of yours! Are you the next Jenna Jamison?

Rhonda said...

Oh, your play has one wicked ending, my friend!!! I love it!

Rhonda said...

Oh, and should we all be wondering why Georgie knows that this TMZ place is where you will hit it big with your porn?

I'm just wondering aloud...

nikkicrumpet said...

Any time anyone thinks you're a porn star after you hit 40....IT'S A VERY GOOD THING. Must be those 20 pounds are in all the right places!!! And no wonder my hubby likes your blog so much!!!

Elaine A. said...

Oh my, what an interesting exchange that was. Now aren't you curious which site he was ACTUALLY talking about?? HA!

Deb said...

You're HAWT Jilly!!!!!111

Hey, do you think he saw that picture of you that Amy put up...you know, the one in the bathing suit modeling for Coppertone?

Gotta run. I'm in the mood for some Barry White music now.

Jill said...

OMg.. the cats out of the bag.

J'Ollie Primitives said...

"Scene fades with Lill skipping to car"....where she grabs her porta-pole, dashes back up to the second floor in her 5-inch platform stilettos, and gives Terrence the best.damn.pole.dance EVER.

You rock Lill!

Debbie said...

I think I might get a little charge out of being confused with a porn star. Just a little one.

Buddha's Place said...

Whooo hooo lill is a hottie! So is this one of your blogs that I can't get into?

Carissa(GoodnCrazy) said...

cue music indeedy-deed.

oh my goshers! I know the site he's talking about... no I don't, and gross of him to talk out loud to you about it?? ew.

Deb said...

you mean you DON'T have a porn site? then how did you and jay become friends???

dana wyzard said...

Here I am, trying to help your sister with her housecleaning and she's ice fishing. Then you're running a porno site that I know nothing about. WHY do you bother visiting MY blog? Oh yeah. I answered your sister today:
http://danajoywyzard.blogspot.com/2009/02/cleaning-ladies-and-house-keepers-not.html

Linda S said...

Don't be ashamed..we all have things in our past we'd like to forget. Girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

nonnasnonsense said...

dang. nobody ever thought i was a porn star. bitch.

:)

Eudea-Mamia said...

I'm speechless (typeless?).

So when you whip out that roll of ones to pay for dinner this Saturday night, I shouldn't be surprised?

Awesome.

Jenni Jiggety said...

Niiiiiice!

Lill should have just admitted it. Everyone knows how EASY she is...

Vodka Mom said...

omg.

that was hysterical.

Justine/Justiney/Tiney said...

Bow chicka bow wow!!!!!!!! Ooh, do you have a secret life we don't know about? Like maybe your site is Jill Jill Ho Will?

Justine :o )

Ritch in Love said...

I'm up really late because I can't breathe...so I'm catching up on my blogs: This one nearly made me wake up my husband because I was laughing SO HARD! Seriously. Tears. Thanks for the much needed smile!

Pam said...

Great post! I crack up every time I read your blog! Keep up the good work. :)

Swirl Girl said...

better to be mistaken for a porn star than your daughter's grandma..which happened to me this morning!

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