Monday, March 16, 2009

What the heck has been going on, you ask...

It's Monday and I am completely spent emotionally. Tiny silly things are throwing me into huge fits of hysteric laughter. Small insignificant things are bringing me to tears. And yet the drama has spread and all SEVEN of my kids have major issues going on. My niece is just the cherry on top. Bring me a straitjacket.

My MIL has been with us all week due to some home maintenance issues at her house. Bring me Xanax.

I have decided that life goes on, I love to laugh MUCH more than I love to cry, and I can only do so much and asking for help is okay. Plus I have lost 13 pounds. Without exercise. Stress does that. trust me I would rather be fat than deal with what I am dealing with.

The Young 'uns are at their dad's house for three more days and our weekend guests have left. That means dear hubby and I have to speak to complete sentences to one another and I have no one to blame for the dishes stacking up and the supper not being made. (dammit)
Now for the silver lining in my gray cloud.

They started on our pool last week and had it dug and poured before the torrential down pour that lasted three days occurred. So now my lovely cement pond is half full of lime green radio active water or something I am sure that is just as dramatic.

The soil around here in these parts is clay. Brown snotty slimey clay. The kind of clay when wet sticks to your feet and you start the day being 5 ft 5 inches and by the end of the day are close to 8 feet tall. So I have mounds of brown snot/slime surrounding the side and back of my house. Right in my stupid mother effin' dog's poop/pee zone. So, I have to weigh whether I want to clean up pee and poop inside or brown snotty slime of his wet smelly legs if I let him out to do his bizness or just shoot him because he isn't smart enough to go to the other side of the yard.

Now, I have been anticipating this pool for TWO summers and something always comes up and the pool is pushed to the bottom of the list. So this year when the budget came through and I was told by Rick that we could do it, I wasted NO time. Literally. Poor unsuspecting Pool Man was down the street and I walked (yes, I was THAT excited) down and told him to give me his plan book. I was rather bossy and snippy, but he was obliging and completely understood my race to get the hole dug before Rick could change his mind. So I chose a plan, got the quote, fought a little bit on the price and told them to come dig. The backhoe tractor rig showed up less than 2 hours later. And the hole was dug.

Then I decided it was too close to the house.

That white thing is a paper plate. That gray step is our existing patio. So my pool is only 10 paper plates away from my patio edge.

But a too-close-to-the-house-pool is a pool and I was scared that if I made them change it, it would be another summer before I had my summer babysitter pool. So you can't sleep walk at my house or you will walk 14 feet in my backyard and land in the pool, which at this moment is filled with lime jello and which will probably eat your epidermis off.

So my life is crashing around me with my kids all out of whack, but dammit, I am getting a pool.

Bring on the chaise lounges and Mai Tais. Pass me the 45 sunblock and my wide brimmed hat. It will be time to party soon.

Clear your calendar in September for our sleepover. The dates will be decided on soon. We are giving Jay a makeover. Hee hee.

And tomorrow Dana will have a video on the toy she just received. Hee hee.

Now add this fortune cookie to your next post and see where it ends up. No linking required. Just copy as a picture and get down with your bad self.


America's Next Top Mommy said...

Think of it this way, with it being so close to the house, you can get a running start from your living room for your dive into the pool!

Halftime Lessons said...

That's a good lookin pool! How exciting...and nice property too. If you are gonna have me over you will need a 10 foot fence surrounding it so we can get our silly little groove on.

Rhonda said...

That is awesome! (Not all the family crap, but the pool, of course!!!) Wow!! It's probably close enough that your kids will jump off the roof right into the pool...

Scary Mommy said...

I've been thinking about you!! At least you'll look skinny lounging by the pool. Certainly not worth it, but something to look forward to. It looks awesome!

J'Ollie Primitives said...

Well if the pool's only ten feet from the house you can build a ten-foot gangplank/diving board. Anybody acts up, you don't have to get off the couch to give them some Pirate Therapy. :)

Outnumbered2to1 said...

Wow, the pool is very cool! I totally agree with the kids and their issues. It stresses me tremendously! Good luck getting the pool done.

Julie D said...

Listen, when I stumble out of the house in September in my drunken stupor, at least I'll have a soft landing in the pool. If there's a raft floating in that particular area of the cement pond...even better.

Chin up and tits out, lady. All this stressfull shit shall pass, and when it does you'll be a size smaller. LOL

Ash said...

You know you're on my mind.

Glad the dog doesn't want to go swimming in that mess. Or maybe it could be the sceen of an "unfortunate accident." Cure your dog issues at least.

Enjoy the sounds of silence. I'm busy spinning plates to entertain the 6-year-old Spring Breaker.

nikkicrumpet said...

WOO HOO...that is going to be one gorgeous pool! And ours is pretty close to the house and I love's less time my whale body is exposed to the neighbors before I can jump in and relieve them of the nightmare! Sorry about all the other crap. But it's amazing what a nice long float on a cool pool can do for stress! It will be money well spent!

Kristen H said...

good a shorter run for those who forgot their bathing suits. WOO HOO!!
Nice pool. We live in a building with a pool, but we have to share it with a gagillion other people during the 3 months one could actually enjoy an outdoor pool in Illinois. It's all kids in there too...who knows what they are doing. I think I would rather come swim in you ectoplasm pond.
Can't wait to watch the progress unfold.

Michelle said...

That is going to be one nice pool. You are going to have to keep posting new pics with the progress. Also, when is the pool party??

Ronda's Rants said...

I love the will be so much fun!
Sorry about the stress but I would love to lose 13 pounds maybe that kind of torture is better than Pilates!

Brenda said...

Oh. Ya. September is good for me.

Sorry about all the family issues. Been there. Not fun.

I'll bring the margaritias! said...

Sorry that the stress exists but there's always something good that comes out it all, right? Think of all the weight you've lost!!

You may just have to put a diaper on your puppy. Then, you can add that to something or someone else that needs or is tugging at you.

Love the pool. Not too many steps away from getting what you need from the fridge!

Holly Jahangiri said...

So, when's the pool-warming party?

And I knew there was a reason I didn't like (or trust) lime Jell-O!

Jane! said...

Thirteen pound loss and a pool in the works! Sounds like heaven to me.
Focus on the blender!

Tenakim said...

seriously- 13 lbs and a pool- you're lucky you're in Texas or I'd have slapped you!

Sorry about the stress with your kids- just ignore them and share the Xanax please!

The Mom Jen said...

Pool Party at Jill's!

Mrs. Schmitty said...

A pool makes everything all better!!

Trina said...

I'd love to lose 13 pounds, but I don't want to have to be stressed to lose it. Maybe the stress will be better soon. If not, at least the pool will be done, and you can enjoy your Mai Tais while lounging on a float.

Swirl Girl said...

For some reason, I just don't feel that sorry for you and your pool.

...and you lost weight to boot.


Diva Ma @ Mommy Fabulous said...

Not everyone can get a built in babysitter this summer! Lucky you... If you can make it through the building part of it all! And PLEASE don't sleep walk!

Anonymous said...

DAMN! That's one olympic sized swimmin' hole!! I can't swim. I can't be there in September, so why do I care. #%#@%^& walking away pouting. Isn't it wonderful to see that all that mental hell came in 13 pounds lighter. Some people eat through stress. I'm only 8 pounds lighter and I coughed up a third lung to boot!

Where were you when they were digging right outside your door?????? It IS awfully close, but pretend that's how you wanted it.

as for the green water. . . . maybe the dog HAS found another place to pee.......just stating the obvious and thanks for your link.

Tony@ That One Paticular Harbor said...

That will be awesome wen it is done. Just keep thinking of the cathartic times you will spend next it in the glorious sun. So jealous.

Unknown said...

A pool!
O mannnn, I am SO jealous.

I'm glad your back :)

Deb said...

so when it rains, it really does pour...

jealous of the pool and empathetic to your stress. things are spiraling downward pretty swiftly here, too.

The Rule Maker said...

I always love the silver lining!

Ginger said...

Hi Jill:
When it rains, it pours it seems. Hate that slimy mud stuff. We have it here too when it rains. The mud dries on the shoes like cement and the shoes end up in the trash.
Is that all your land? Looks wonderful. All this will just be memories when you are floating around in your pool this summer.
One of our homes in Vegas had a pool close to the house and the kids would jump off the roof of the patio into the pool (when I wasn't home of course). Everytime they would splash, it would cover my glass sliding door and windows...but it was nice getting out of the hottub and not having to run far to get in the house!!
Take care...

Jill said...

Jill, I am SO sorry that you're going through such an unbelievably tough time. But leave it to you to take a depressing post and turn it hilarious.
OMG, the radio-active sludge in your pool, the clay that to me looks like horse shit, and the pool being too close to the house? All of it, FUNNY. But let me tell you, here in FL it's very common for your pool to be steps away from your "lanai", because it's under the same screen enclosure. So, having it 14 feet from your patio just isn't that bad. In fact it's good. Much less walking to do to get to your little Shangri-la.

Justine :o )

Brenda said...

Sorry for your snot yard, but your pool looks like it is going to ROCK (especially when the radioactive sludge is gone)!

Deb said...

You could always move the house away from the pool...

Can't wait to play drunken Marco Polo in it!!

Tiffany said...

Remember that dream I had where you pushed me in your pool? Well now you can actually do it. And I'm sure you would love to send me in that slime. Right?

Jenni said...

I am SO coming to your sleeover!!! I want a pool!

Mariah said...

I'll be there, anytime after September 3rd. Good for you for stcking to your guns with your neice, what a pain

Mc Allen said...

I cant wait tyo see pix of you in your hat, drink in hand chilaxin at your pool this summer. This time next year you wont care if the mil is stayin, you can just spend the whole day out in the pool.. (if its heated, if not, she can stay out in it ;) ♥ LA

Tulsi said...

I love how you have done our pool. it will look so cool. I LOVED your description of the clay and how tall you get. That was out last town!!!!

Unknown said...

I have the cure for the cytpoplasmic pool,kids and critters (both visable to the naked eye and those we covered in Microbiology)....

Can you say "ROAD TRIP"???????

Come on you skinny B@#&$....(been a while since any one called you that, eh?) Let's do it....

Calgon take me away!

Unknown said...

I meant cytoplasmic...

Or was that cyclop-plasmic?????

Either way, when all else away....and fast!
(Well, run as fast as the flashy flip-flops will let you!)

NucMEd is Hot said...

That is one bad add pool my friend, and look at it this way, you won't have to go far to skinny dip since it's only ten paper plates away!

binks said...

When small strange creatures come crawling out of the ooze, THEN you can be worried.

Justine said...

Ummm... oopsie? God only knows how many comments I left under Jill's ID. I was working on her blog on and off yesterday and I guess I kinda sorta forgot to sign out. Oops!!!!!!

Justine <---- The REAL Justine :o )

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

WOW looks like you are going to have one nice pool! My Dad put a big one in his back yard too! So do I see some roof diving in your future?

Sorry bout all the family stuff you got going, but CONGRATS on the weight loss! I guess that is the only good thing!

Linda S said...

I'm envisioning a swan dive off that porch...

Debbie said...

Isn't it funny how if mom is in a bad mood, the whole family sinks into one?

Jill said...

The pool looks huge!!!!!! How big is it? I can't wait till they get it done for you so you can relax and enjoy yourself! You need it now!!!

Unknown said...

Shit September is a bad month, the new baby is coming then. Oh well the kid will have to fend for him/herself. I have a sleepover to attend.

Anonymous said...

your pool looks gorgeous! and i agree, no such thing as too close to the house. at least not to a former floridian.

how about trying plastic bags on the dogs feet? then you could just trash em when he's done. otherwise, you can borrow my shotgun if you need it :)

Mrs4444 said...

Wow. With a pool like that in the works, I think I could tolerate just about anything! NICE!

Unknown said...

Just think you can just jump from the porch into the pool.

So the next blogger dinner's at your place then, right? BBQ and all! WHEEEEE! ; )

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