If you are just joining us, we are talking about how I got these fabulous boots in Amarillo and got home to Dallas and realized they were not the same. One was fluffy, one was gnawed-on looking. I loved Nikki's suggestion about finding the closest Pomeranian and hot gluing some it's clippings
onto the boot, as well as just finding a willing mouse or scissors to finish off the pretty boot so they would match. But I have started this thing and I MUST complete my assignment.(Because I AM a secret agent and all.)
So, off to Dillards I go and was pleasantly surprised that the returns were taken directly back to the whichever department you got the item in. That meant no lines!!! I approach a man who had his back to me and was behind the counter. I had my camera in my purse because I every intention of making her/him pose with my new boots, because I am a sadist like that and someone was going to pay for my inconvenience.
When I approached the counter, he turned to the side and I was looking into the eye of poor Jim the shoe salesman. Jim had what we call a gouch eye. An eye that basically has a mind of it's own and looks wherever it wants, no matter what the brain and the other "good" eye say. Now I am not making fun of Jim. I did not point and laugh or say, "Oh my GOD, man! What the eff is up with your eye?" or even, "You lookin' at me?" in my best Pacino voice. I did start saying in my head "And what to my wandering eye did appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer" over and over though.
I, too, in my younger years had a lazy eye which explains so much today. My eye is fine now, but now my ass has it. (Heh, that was so just thrown in there!) My husband sometimes gets that wandering eye early in the morning if he is staring into space and someone asks him a question, only half of him looks at you. It's rather freaky and has caused a good early laugh when Cooper asks him something and he looks with one eye and Cooper turns around to see who/what the gouch eye is looking at. And my step son had an eye injury when he was young and he also likes to make you wonder at times where to look when you talk to him and his wandering eye. But we all laugh and no one makes fun of them. Too badly.
So back to poor Jim the shoe salesman. I took my box out and showed him the boot and he totally agreed with me that right one was a little off. Then he said, "BUUUT, I don't carry that one here at this store. It doesn't get cold enough for that particular boot." Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech. Stop the car. "Excuse me?"
"We carry that particular boot at the North Park Mall."
"Can you call and find out if they have my size before I drive up there, please?" And could you tell someone to jump in their Beamer and just drive it down to me from WAY up there at North Park. I mean here in Texas apparently 30 minutes south and you are screwed out of the good winter clothing.
"It's there. They have 3 pair in your size."
"Tell them to hold one. I will be sending my husband tomorrow." (Before you judge me, just ask the girls who live here in DFW area with me. I am saving him HUNDREDS, maybe even thousands (if I had it) of dollars by sending him. That Mall has a magnetism to my wallet and I cannot say no to the great deals. I am doing us a FAVOR by sending Rick in.) So I thanked him for all his help and thought about taking his picture and then assumed he would think I was mocking his eye. But because I was leaving with the same fur-ic-ally challenged boots, I was going to cough in poor Jim the shoe salesman's face just for good measure and to say I did it. But I just couldn't. I walked away and turned back to see Jim facing the side door but still able to give one fleeting glance in my direction without turning his head.
Man, I miss Marty Feldman.
Happy Birthday, Georgie!!!!!
Comment on G'dog's blog wishing her a happy day and Deb will put you in a drawing for a great prize! We are looking for 100 legitimate comments. None of that hijacking-one-word-comments-that-make-you-laugh-as-you-write-it-crap, but real comments. God, what immature person would really do that?! Quit pointing at me!!!!!!!!!!
4 days ago