Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Rest Of The Story

If you are just joining us, we are talking about how I got these fabulous boots in Amarillo and got home to Dallas and realized they were not the same. One was fluffy, one was gnawed-on looking. I loved Nikki's suggestion about finding the closest Pomeranian and hot gluing some it's clippings
onto the boot, as well as just finding a willing mouse or scissors to finish off the pretty boot so they would match. But I have started this thing and I MUST complete my assignment.(Because I AM a secret agent and all.)

So, off to Dillards I go and was pleasantly surprised that the returns were taken directly back to the whichever department you got the item in. That meant no lines!!! I approach a man who had his back to me and was behind the counter. I had my camera in my purse because I every intention of making her/him pose with my new boots, because I am a sadist like that and someone was going to pay for my inconvenience.

When I approached the counter, he turned to the side and I was looking into the eye of poor Jim the shoe salesman. Jim had what we call a gouch eye. An eye that basically has a mind of it's own and looks wherever it wants, no matter what the brain and the other "good" eye say. Now I am not making fun of Jim. I did not point and laugh or say, "Oh my GOD, man! What the eff is up with your eye?" or even, "You lookin' at me?" in my best Pacino voice. I did start saying in my head "And what to my wandering eye did appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer" over and over though.

I, too, in my younger years had a lazy eye which explains so much today. My eye is fine now, but now my ass has it. (Heh, that was so just thrown in there!) My husband sometimes gets that wandering eye early in the morning if he is staring into space and someone asks him a question, only half of him looks at you. It's rather freaky and has caused a good early laugh when Cooper asks him something and he looks with one eye and Cooper turns around to see who/what the gouch eye is looking at. And my step son had an eye injury when he was young and he also likes to make you wonder at times where to look when you talk to him and his wandering eye. But we all laugh and no one makes fun of them. Too badly.

So back to poor Jim the shoe salesman. I took my box out and showed him the boot and he totally agreed with me that right one was a little off. Then he said, "BUUUT, I don't carry that one here at this store. It doesn't get cold enough for that particular boot." Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech. Stop the car. "Excuse me?"
"We carry that particular boot at the North Park Mall."
"Can you call and find out if they have my size before I drive up there, please?" And could you tell someone to jump in their Beamer and just drive it down to me from WAY up there at North Park. I mean here in Texas apparently 30 minutes south and you are screwed out of the good winter clothing.

"It's there. They have 3 pair in your size."
"Tell them to hold one. I will be sending my husband tomorrow." (Before you judge me, just ask the girls who live here in DFW area with me. I am saving him HUNDREDS, maybe even thousands (if I had it) of dollars by sending him. That Mall has a magnetism to my wallet and I cannot say no to the great deals. I am doing us a FAVOR by sending Rick in.) So I thanked him for all his help and thought about taking his picture and then assumed he would think I was mocking his eye. But because I was leaving with the same fur-ic-ally challenged boots, I was going to cough in poor Jim the shoe salesman's face just for good measure and to say I did it. But I just couldn't. I walked away and turned back to see Jim facing the side door but still able to give one fleeting glance in my direction without turning his head.

Man, I miss Marty Feldman.

Happy Birthday, Georgie!!!!!
Comment on G'dog's blog wishing her a happy day and Deb will put you in a drawing for a great prize! We are looking for 100 legitimate comments. None of that hijacking-one-word-comments-that-make-you-laugh-as-you-write-it-crap, but real comments. God, what immature person would really do that?! Quit pointing at me!!!!!!!!!!

50 comments:

Ronda's Rants said...

You are so funny! My grandson was looking at the cover of Young Franken-Stein and he looks at the picture of Marty Feldman and says...Gigi he has scary eyes!!!

Soxy Deb said...

Ahhh, Marty Feldman! That's funny.
Your a good woman Jill, I still might have gone off. But I also would NOT send my hubby to pick up the boots. I think he might get more enticed than I would. He's easily seduced you know.

Jay @halftime lessons said...

OMG
Wanna know something REALLY weird?

I know EXACTLY who you are talking about.


LMFAO

georgie said...

I am still LMAO@that boot...and your comment this mornin!!
TY for the Bday wishes...we got home late last night then had to deal with 3 beans who the past 5 days have slept till noon and didnt want to go to bed...so once all the hoopla dies down here this mornin I will be givin u a call...provided eric doesnt kipnap me....we are goin to COPELANDS for dinner tonite YAY my new FAV restaurant

ann said...

BLESS YOUR HEART.ARE YOU EVER GOING TO GET YOUR BOOT THING FIXED???MAYBE HUBBY WILL BE YOUR NIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR FOR YOU...ANN

Eudea-Mamia said...

Bet he's awesome at catching shop lifters.

We hit North Park this past weekend to see the trains. Recession? What Recession. I'm pretty sure that mall is propping up what's left of the economy.

Dallas don't do po.

Kristen said...

Hope you get your fully fluffed boots

NucMEd is Hot said...

I'm tickled they have found you new boots. I am so lazy I would have ask them to have the boots shipped to my house for my inconvenience, but I'm hateful that way.

I have a dog who was born with a wandering eye. The noodle looked a little odd until it straightened itself out!

kel said...

Oh my god.. you are killing me with the lazy eye jokes.. I had a boss like that and I could never tell who the hell he was looking at!

Lori said...

Our insurance agent has that eye affliction. Every year when we're up for renewal and we have to meet with him, I have the hardest time trying to keep a straight face. It takes every thing I have in me not to yell out "Good God, man! Just what the HELL are you looking at?!"

amelia bedelia said...

so glad you got the boot thing figured out, i was afraid you would "borrow" mine when i get there.

Jennifer Suarez said...

LOL! Oh I only wish you had secretly snapped a photo!

Julie said...

OMG. The visual is killing me. I have that issue with someone I know, and I never know what eye to look at. It confuses me.

Marilyn said...

Thank GAWD I didn't go with you to return those damn boots!
Lazy eyes and midgets make me laugh.
I think Jesus blessed me when he moved our family so close to the The Little People, Big World family.

Sometimes, it's the little things in life...

Annie said...

I live in the frozen tundra of Kansas. I need some. What kind are they? I liked them lots....even half shaved.

Vinnie Sorce said...

My head is spinning from that story... lol

Bobbi Jo said...

You just crack me up!
Hugs, Bobbi Jo

Swirl Girl said...

fur-ically challenged - so politically correct!!

Burgh Baby said...

I'm thinking that rather than exchanging the boots, you really should just buy a second pair. You can then auction off the two that you like the least to all the poor souls who are not special enough to live on the side of the city that does indeed get cold enough for such wondrous things as boots. Proceeds could go to Wandery Eye Guy.

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

And what to my wandering eye did appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer" over and over though.

Quote of the day

Chris said...

Girl, you just ain't right. You had me almost peeing in my pants.:)


Hugs,
Chris

gingela5 said...

haha! I'm just catching up to the story! Poor Jim--the old google eye--my poor Sadie (the dog) has a google eye! I hope you get a PAIR of pretty boots instead of just ONE pretty boot!

Deb said...

methinks thou doest protesteth too much... you were, too, making fun of poor jim's eye!

can rick be trusted alone with the boots? you sure he won't return with some whacked out wrong pair, thinking he was doing the right thing?

Tiffany said...

LMAO I too send my hubby on certain returns. He'll do as I say or he'll regret it. LOL

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

Holy guacamole do I agree! I actually spent $15 in shipping to Hanna Andersson in order to avoid going there - the fifteen was way better than the 100s. You know?! I love that you gave bday love. It's truly hell having a Dec bday.

Jenni Jiggety said...

My husband has we call "the wonk eye" when he gets tired...

Debbie said...

My dad has an eye like that. And here's the funny part - I never noticed it until I started dating my husband and he pointed it out to me. I have told you I am oblivious. Here is the proof.
Let us know if the boots really get switched out.

Deb said...

Must get a boot update! That is so aggravating.

Yes, I am that immature person you speak of.

Janie said...

I wanna thosa bootsa.

Nowa...

Vodka Mom said...

I miss that DAMN Marty Feldman, too!! I laughed out loud when you said his name!!

nikkicrumpet said...

If you'd only listened to me I could have saved you all that drive time...and weird eye inducing trauma...hey maybe you're hubby will be smarter than you and just do the doggie thing...ANYTHING would be better than having to go to a mall this time of year!

dana wyzard said...

My God! When you want something, you want it BAD!! And they had THREE in your size? hurumph! Obviously you have very tiny precious tootsies. They always run out of my size at Goodwill this time of year.

binks said...

HAHAHAHOHOHOMARTYFELDMANHAHAHAHOHOHOHO

binks said...

Were you speaking of comments like these???

I am friggin' oblivious, I didn't even know Deb was doing some giveaway thing.

Moe Wanchuk said...

I wish I had a wonkie eye. Then I could make my wife believe that I'm actually listening to her while I'm checking out some other MILF's butt!

Dawn said...

I'm stilll laughing about how that boot looks. LOL!

And, the whole eye story reminds me of pugs or boston terriers! LOL!

littleeverydaythings said...

This reminds me of a joke my mother used to tell about a girl with a harelip and a man with a wooden eye meeting at a dance... Have you heard that one? If not, let me know and I'll pass it your way ;) Very funny story. Did you get a fluffy right boot?

Paige said...

Someone just accused me of having a wonky eye and now I am wondering if I really do or if she was just screwing with me.

This concerns me

Justine said...

Ah, to have been inside that freakish mind of yours when Jim the Shoe Man turned that beady eye on you! Make sure you let us know if hubby picks up the new boots, complete with fluffy fur!

Justine :o )

Leslie said...

Oh yes, you saved hundreds of dollars by sending him to get them!! I live 5 minutes from NorthPark, you could have asked me to get them for you!!!

MiMi said...

This story is too funny. it sounds like something that would happen to me. I love those boots! I've been looking for some myself. i guess i know where-not-to-go for a pair.
Oh yeah the eye-thing, that is creepy I never know which eye to look at when I'm talking to someone with that issue so I just look at their nose!

Justine said...

Hey you! Give us an update of the escapades you and Amy are getting into!!!!!!!

Justine :o )

georgie said...

I sent you an email with my home number....my celly screen is froze...thats whats happens when you drop a touch screen and are techically challenged.....call me if you see this

and TY sooooo much for helping with my bday wish of 100 comments

Holly Jahangiri said...

OMG, this is the laugh I needed yesterday and today.

For this (and actually, even before I read this), you get an award:

http://hollyjahangiri.blogspot.com/2008/12/aww-s.html

HappyHourSue said...

That was hilarious- ""what to my wandering eye did appear"- Ha!

People need to get over the whole "I don't want to be ridiculed on your blog" thing.

Mariah said...

Whoa, you really know how to keep your cool when it comes to boots and all

Holly Jahangiri said...

HappyHourSue, I once remarked to my daughter that it's when I STOP writing about someone that they need to worry...

Of course, it was in a public blog entry, and now all my friends are hurt if I fail to make the occasional vague, snarky reference to them. *sigh*

Rhonda said...

That is too funny!

nikkicrumpet said...

MERRY CHRISTMAS. I hope your family has the happiest and best Christmas ever! Thanks for all the laughs...visiting your blog is like watching a great Saturday Night Live episode..with nothing but good parts. You bring so much joy and laughter to blogland...and I'm so glad you let me be a part of that...by dropping that restraining order...you are so forgiving! LOVE YA WOMAN♥♥♥

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