Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I Adore Geezers

I DO! I am so in love with the majority of people over 76. I have come to the conclusion old people are teenagers with wrinkles. They tell dirty jokes, they cuss like sailors, they pull practical jokes, they make fun of each other, then they do it all again the next day because they can't remember they already did it.

When I worked at the nursing home, we had a precious lady named Mrs. C that had Alzheimer's disease. She was able to walk and dance and she smiled 24 hours a day. She had her own language and because I always teased her and kissed her cheek, she always whispered secrets to me.

"I am taking you to the Shama Lama."
"Really?! When?!
"Today after gitchy goo."

Then she would dance away with that smile and I would wait with great anticipation even though I had no freakin' idea where Shama Lama was or what time gitchy goo(?) was over.

She always wanted the new resident feel welcome, so she would push them around in their wheelchair, whether they wanted to be pushed or not. And because I am sadistically mean, I would let Mrs. C make it through two halls before I would make her stop and take the new resident back to their room.

One lady, Mrs W. was obsessed with sex and penises. That is all she talked about. And she tried to pick up every man, old or young, that entered that place. Mrs. C was her personal driver(or rather pusher) and the two of them were inseparatable. They were often found at naptime asleep in the same bed, spooning.

Mrs. W. would crack jokes and Mrs. C was her personal Ed Mcmahan and laugh hysterically, even though she had no idea what the joke meant. They fought at times like an old married couple.

We had the nurse's station in the center of the room and the residents used it as their local hangout. Mrs W would have Mrs. C push her around and around the desk area. Mrs. C would wave at me, then walk and walk, then look up when I called her name and wave again, only not ever remembering she waved the first time. It was a new suprise every time and I could have done that ALL day long. It was hysterical.

Mrs W and Mrs C both loved jewelry and makeup and were always dolled-up to the hilt. It was precious and I longed to go see them and hear what funny things they would say every weekend.

If I have to lose my mind to the horrible Alz monster, I pray that I am lucky enough to be like Mrs. C, who dances like no one is watching and smiles all the time.

But knowing my luck I will be the old hag in the corner, pissing all down my leg, flipping everyone off with my boney crooked finger and hissing, "Fuck you, Bitch!"
But I won't really mean it.


Kritta22 said...

Oh I know you wouldn't mean it! We'd all still love you the same!!
I feel like I have a whole new family on here, this blog!

jill jill bo bill said...

You do! You are now known as Sista Krista. We have to have nicknames to be "in".

Anonymous said...

What? I don't have a cute nickname...does that mean that you don't love me too? You know that I am your long lost sister who ran away from the savage ignorance of West Texas to find anonymity in the Big City....??? I can't believe you forgot all about me (sniffle sniffle)...Don't you remember??? I am the sister who gave birth to a redhead (with blonde roots) just like you...???
BTW we call my redhead with blonde roots Loopy Lucy....I am SO HURT!

careysue said...

I just told Amy that I would be the big sister, I'm older and have no sisters!! So there. You have to have a family meeting and bring me in too!


jill jill bo bill said...

Awww, shucks, girls, course y'all are ALL invited to join us!!! (yea!more people to pitch in and do the dishes!)

I am goin' to have to think on the name thing, Cor- that was dad's forte'. Apple? Iceberg lettuce? I am blank on 'Core" names....promise to work on it. And hysterical comment.

Careysue- You have to gain an incredible amount of weight to be the first born. It's imperative. It makes you jollier AND scarier when you have to kick the asses of all your little sisters. It takes a LOT of calories. Trust me.

Debz said...

I worked in a nursing home to (once upon a million years ago) and I completely agree with you. I had my favs (although, much like kids your not supposed to say that-heh). One had alzheimers too and another would always walk around sing-songing "Julia, has anyone seen my Juuulia?" and another (who was bed ridden) who always had catchy phrases like - "oh dear bread and beer, if i were rich i wouldn't be here". i still find myself saying that today. When she passed (which was my first brush with death) it was the hardest day for me. Then the little man with alz kicked me in the gut one day (I was preggers) and that's when I realized I would not be able to be there much longer. It was the second hardest day for me.
Today I work (as a bookkeeper) for a 76 year old man (he is a dirty old man-but not in a bad way-heh), and I wouldn't trade this job for the world. Honey, I just adore him.

Shelley said...

I agree. There is something about the older folks that I just love. Some of them are precious and some of them not so much. But if you listen to what they are saying, you see a gold mine of information just waiting to be had.

I won't be offended when you flip me off.
Great blog, keep it up.

Tenakim said...

I'm so jealous! The 'geezers' I know are all mean and scare me! Most of our neighbors are 'seniors'- I want to live next to the old people from "Cocoon"- they rock!

The neighborhood we live in was built as a second phase to a condo complex. It is not a retirement community, but you wouldn't know it and they are very territorial! They like their peace and quiet and their dogs. They are not a fan of my kids when we come to use the ammenities. I'm hoping to get in good with them when the pup is old enough to take a walk!

Any suggestions on how to brown nose?

Insane Mama said...

I love the older generation also, especially the men.
My man is lucky, cause I will think he is sexy when he is using a walker.
Hmmm, well maybe NOT sexy
What which sister is this.
ERIN? Amelia or Jill.

Amelia is talking crap behind Jills back and Erin is plagerizing Jill. Amelia privately emails me all of your secrets...

Insane Mama said...

I want you to have more comments than Erin today

Insane Mama said...

Erin had 13 on her first post?

Insane Mama said...

unheard of...13!

Insane Mama said...

Is Erin as cute as you and Amelia?
There. now you are tied up in the comments

Anonymous said...

jill jill - nickname suggestion...stay away from the Cor stuff....never worked...the only nick name that ever stuck came from my redheaded cousin and it was (get this car-car). He was too little to say Coral and my own West Texas hick family (none of them could say "CORAL" (like it is a really hard word to pronounce!)

I guess they were pretty daft 'cause if you wrote "CORAL" on a piece of paper and asked them to read it out loud they would say:

"CARL" you know as in the Carl Reef or "CORLA" or if they new my middle name they would say "CARLANN".

Somebody went to the trouble of giving me a beautiful name (which I hated as a kid BTW) only to butcher it with hick derivations. Go figure!

So, I would say.....something cute that reflects my wacky and endearing personality...remember, BE NICE!

Travel Safe chick a dee!

Anonymous said...

omOh that was my favorite wing to work at when I worked in the nursing home! I'd go visit my "friends" all the time! I had one lady that, I guess, thought I was her daughter Lauraine....she talked to me all the time, and well, I have no idea about what, but she made me smile:)

I'm going to end up like you the corner pissing my myself! LOL

amelia bedelia said...

Jill is on her way to Mom's, so she has no computer to take up for herself or make fun of me and Erin....Let me think of something bad! Oh, I just remembe something....Ok, that will be my next post. Stay tuned!!!

Kritta22 said...

I SOOOOO wish you were computer-less right now so you can read your sister's post. I can't wait to see what you have to say!