Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Growing Up

Joining Humor Bloggers, I never knew we would have assignments. I may have rethought the whole idea of being funny if I had known homework was involved. Today's assignment is a post on growing up in the 60's, 70's or 80's. Since I have never really grown up, this made for a hard decision. I was a victim of all three decades.

Growing up in the 70's, and early 80's were simple family-oriented times. I was born in 1965 and graduated High School in '84. The 70's were a time of great music and carefree life. The 80's brought the Valley Girl image to the Texas panhandle and things got crazy.

We went on family vacations every summer to our cabin and in the 70's drove there in our school bus yellow station wagon with wood panels that we thought was so cool. Because there was no seat belt laws we were able to fold down the back back seat and spread out with our sleeping bags and play Uno or Old Maid or the peg game with golf tees that inevitably got left on the floorboard and my dad somehow managed to step on in his socks. I always thought Fred Flinstone was the voice of my father.

I had issues with body functions every trip. I shared yesterday about how I peed on Amy when I was engulfed by the swarm of crickets that was in the dark bathroom during one vacation. I also suffered from car sickness and if I sat in the front seat and watched Daddy drive the curvy roads through the mountains, I was not nauseous. We figured that out after I was asleep across the entire back seat and poor Amy was sleeping in the floorboard. I got sick and threw up ON Amy and her Holly Hobby doll. I felt terrible and since we were between towns, we all rode with the windows down, holding our noses for the next 35 miles.

Because we never had the high price technological gadgets like ipods, cell phones and hand-held gaming units that they do today, we kids were happy going on trail rides, hiking through the woods, and being satisfied with our plastic Indian baby dolls, feathered headbands, and Mexican jumping beans that never jumped. One vacation I remember really splurging and getting the plastic fake vomit and a plastic fake dog turd for my souvenir. Man, those were the days.

We went to school from 8 to 3, September through May. Summer was 3 months of unadulterated freedom. There were no video games, except Pong, and who the hell could play that for hour upon hour? We played outside from dawn until dusk, riding our bikes wherever we wanted, never checking in our cell phones and never fearing kidnappers or child molesters. There was no city curfews because there was little to no crime and there were no gangs.

There were only three television stations available and we watched shows together as a family such as The Twilight Zone, and the Wonderful World of Disney. I had a crush on Starsky and no boyfriend ever quite measured up to him, his curly brown locks, or his driving abilities. Speaking of driving, I had my license when I was 14. That thought of my 13 year old driving today makes me want to puke and pee at the same time.

I had issues with my bowels, too, never being able to poop on unfamiliar toilets. Let's just say the summer I spent away at camp at Palo Duro Canyon was the precursor for my later diagnosis of Ulcerative Colitis, I am sure. I told you I had body function issues.

We ate dinner every night together at 5 pm when daddy would come in. Mom always had a four course meal and we never missed it. We needed our energy for our weekend nights down town. Our social life consisted of dragging Main and sitting in the TG&Y parking lot and gossiping about who Melanie Norman was sleeping with that night. We said things like "Gag me with a spoon", "Totally!" and "For sure". We danced the Robot and the Wave and at that time Micheal Jackson had a nose and was our music god.

We girls always wore painted on skin-tight jeans that had to be zipped up lying one bed with a pair of pliers. (And I wondered why I had a terminal yeast infection from my freshman to my senior year.)Our shoulder pads were always in place. We wore the skinny gold stretchy belt to ensure those Gloria Vanderbilts wouldn't slip down. We were nothing if not fashionable.

My hair was huge and perfectly curled back into feathers and my make-up was piled on thick so no one had to doubt where my cheeks, lips, and eyes were. That art took me like 40 minutes to put on and my eyelashes were so thick with Maybelline Fresh Lash that they clicked when I blinked. That was the sure sign I had enough mascara on. The white sparkley eyeshadow was strategically placed under my eyes to accentuate them. Totally a babe.

Every Friday and Saturday night, my little sister Amy always went with me (because my mom let me stay out 45 minutes later that way). Little did mom know that while dragging Main St., listening to Boston and Journey and trying to be cool, Amy was in her favorite spot, the backseat floorboard. Hello! I had an image to uphold. But I never puked on her again. But there is always our next trip...

Stop off at Humor Blogger's and join the gang. We have an awesome initiation.


Ronda's Rants said...

It IS a wonder Amy speaks to you....How could one sister get so much abuse...You have peed on her and vomited on her and her dolly. If you next story is how you crapped on her...I will send her money for therapy!
You are too funny!!!

nikkicrumpet said...

Ahhh the memories. You graduated a few years after me (you're just a youngin) but the stuff you described fit to a tee. Although for us it was "hash" jeans instead of vanderbilts. I know all my bladder problems today I can blame on my father NOT pulling over on those long drives up the mountains. Everytime I coughpee, sneezepee, and laughpee I curse that man!

Tiffany said...

Poor Amy. Yea my brother took me with him cuz he got to stay out longer too. BUT he didn't make me hide. LOL

So I guess you don't wanna go ride any roller coasters then huh? Unless Amy is in the projected puke path. LMAO

Debz said...

I now feel an even stronger kinship with you my Portugese Princess.
"We girls always wore painted on skin-tight jeans that had to be zipped up lying one bed with a pair of pliers. (And I wondered why I had a terminal yeast infection from my freshman to my senior year.)"
Thank you for saying what I never could. God blessed yeast infections.
And I still have to zip my pants up by laying on the bed, but that's more of a doughnut issue than a 'sexy look' I'm going for.

I graduated the same year and seriously life was really good in those days - even though we had no money, no pot to piss in, and no window to throw it out of - we made our own fun. Definitely the good old days.
It was like, totally rad!!

Scary Mommy said...

You are the funniest blogger I know, it makes sense that you'd join that club!

Poor younger siblings- I thought my brother took abuse, but your torture to Amy trumps mine. Yuck.

Tenakim said...

I don't get humor bloggers- I signed up but didn't read the directions... can you translate for a tard?

Unknown said...

I swear I feel twenty years youger and fifty pounds lighter after reading that.
Life was so fun and I was so hot, er cool, whatever, I was a babe.

My son about fainted when I told him I grew up wathing three T.V stations on a black and white set and cartoons were only on Saturday.

Kgirl said...

We grew up in the same town I swear...Weren't those the good ole days. I miss them and yet I don't. Great Blog today.

Ash said...

Kindred spirits we are!

Ah the memories of how my father would take turns extra fast so that my brother and I could slide from one side of the station wagon to the other. Sleeping bags on sheet metal, like banana peels on ice - totally awesome!

Our poors kids. So deprived in their 5-star rated car seats surrounded by airbags.

You want nausea, try riding backwards in the station wagon jump seat (brilliant engineering by the way) coming through the Georgia Mountains. NASA should use that for training.

Off to check out Humor Bloggers, though I am not worthy. LOVED your post.


Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

Poor Amy, I feel so bad for her. I am not surprised she works in a prison, she is planning her revenge :)

I know I am younger than you but I can for sure remember laying on a bed trying to get my jeans to fit. I was all about the aquanet hairspray too.

NucMEd is Hot said...

Nice visual with the Gloria Vanderbilts's

Crazy Charlene said...

this post makes me feel really old

i was born in 58 so these memories were too funny

did we all have a gold belt?


Kritta22 said...

Do you wanna feel old?

Don't read if you don't.

I was born the year you graduated. Yup I went there. Have a nice day! :)

Mandy said...

I miss those days! A time before children w/ cell phones, and all of the modern worries we have now...That was a great post!!

Anonymous said...

Please tell me you aren't slamming 80s music...I'll die a little if you are and next bloggy dinner I'll stuff shoulder pads down your shirt while you hike up your corset. And, it's crazy how much the old Atari sells for on Ebay, isn't it?

chocolatecovereddaydreams.blogspot.com said...

That was my era too! Me and my twin sis were the coolest things (or thought we were) like Laverne and Shirley. Gag me with a spoon (or pitchfork).

Life was so much easier. Families ate at the dinner table and unfortunately, we were expected to eat ALL of the food, even if it was nasty liver. Yuck!

My family also watched Let's Make a Deal, Truth or Consequences, Wonderful World of Disney and the Roller Derby.

Pong was a line that bounced (plipped) another line across the screen. After 15 minutes, I was done and ready go back outside and play.

Thanks for the walk down memory lane!

Julie D said...

Wow, I swear I think you and I were sisters in another life. Of course, I was the older one, but we'll leave that part out for now.

Jennifer said...

I had a crush on Starsky too! I'm not sure why I'm admitting this--but I also had a crush on "Barretta." And--somehow--I *could* play Pong for hours!

Linda S said...

I can so see you dragging down main street...it explains so many things. Thanks for the peak into your little world. As I recall Mr. Jackson had a nose and he was black too back then! Weird how times have changed!

Jenni said...

LOL! I have similar stage fright when it comes to strange toilets!

Anonymous said...

Poor Amy! hahaha...and it's too bad you don't have a picture to go along with this visual. And I remember TG&Y--I think it was on it's last breath when I was a little girl!

Dawn said...

This brought back a lot of memories!! Good Stuff, JilL!!

what part of the TX panhandle did you live in? I lived in Guymon, OK for a couple of years during college.

Oh, and I used to have all those body function issues too! Boy, do I have a few embarrassing stories I could tell! LOL

nikkicrumpet said...

Hey Jill...about that picture of my mom....even though she SHOULD be a star...alas that was just photo-trickery. But it sure made her smile! ...but not as much as the one with the tattoo on the hottie from the previous post...that one I think she's gonna frame lol....Have a marvelous evening!

J'Ollie Primitives said...

SSDD honey!

Same Stuff Different Decade!

Love the clicking eyelashes...substitute a relly kewl "triangle perm" for the poofy hair and you've got the 1975 version of babedom.

Totally happenin' post!

binks said...

Boy did that bring back some memories. How about skin tight pencil leg jeans with zippers at the ankles and fluorescent clothes?

Thanks for stopping by today. I was really needing that.
Been seeing you around the comment arena and wanted to check out your blog. So sorry to hear about your Dad.

Danielle said...

When I was in high school, a particularly idiotic "hot" girl told me that she had a yeast infection, and she didn't know how she had gotten it because, "I like, don't even eat bread!"

Last I heard, I think she became a rocket scientist...

By the way, are all your stories (funny though they are) about pee!?!?! lol

LuckyMe said...

Nah, I think the yeast infections were from the diaphragm cause the tight pants era lasted way longer than the itchy bitchy infections era.

Ed & Jeanne said...

Hmmm...I'm thinking Amy doesn't do much vacationing by car after THAT childhood...

Unknown said...

Hats off to Amy, long-suffering wearer of much vomit. :)

You reminded me- in the 80s I wore three-- count 'em-- three different colors of eyeshadow at the same time. Not shades, colors. Pink, green and purple.

I was stylin'. :)