The Hallelujah Chorus is about to ring out...
81. I am 22 hours from lift off. I am more excited now than I was at the first of the week. I think it's that I don't have work looming over me and my kids will be going to their dad's after school. I have my clothes ready and all I lack is putting them in the suitcase.
82. I am really sad about missing out on blog life for a solid 9 days. It costs $2.45 a minute to use their Internet service, and as many blogs as I read, that would be about $500 a day.
83. That would buy a LOT of souvenirs.
84. On a cruise, the first thing that everyone does is go through a safety drill with our life vests and a escape route if something happens. The vests are huge and you can barely move with them on. Turning your head is next to impossible.
85. Rick was coming down the hall with his vest on and I was waiting at the elevator. I looked back to see him walk past a doorway where a rather large lady was emerging from her room with her vest on as well. The two bumped into one another, or rather their vests bumped and poor little Rick was slammed into the wall. He and his vest bounced off the wall and right back into the puffy lady with the puffy vest. This bumper car dance went on for quite a while as they bumped off each other trying to make their way towards the elevator. That alone was worth every dime we paid for that cruise.
86. I bought this sarong that was like pants and tied on the sides. When we took a catamaran and had free spiked punch for the entire 3 hour boat ride, I wore this sarong. I also had to pee like 5 times during that excursion and each trip to the loo got more and more difficult due to the consumption of the hooch-laced punch. I had to have help tying myself up and made many friends that trip.
87. I celebrated my 40th birthday in a private dining room with a view of the most gorgeous sunset I had or would ever see again. Rick had made every effort to make it unforgettable. I am pretty sure he and God struck a good deal for that sunset to be so perfect.
88. I have pictures somewhere of Rick and I on the night we were to wear Titanic (Uh, yeah. I thought the same thing...) costumes. They furnished for the pictures the big hats and boas for the girls, and the guys got top hats and canes. The hat Rick was given was a tad large. I looked up after donning my accessories to see Rick, who by this time was slightly inebriated, standing and waiting with this top hat which was sitting on his ears, folding them down, oblivious to how ridiculous he looked.
89. I have never burst out laughing as hard as I did when I saw him. He reaches over a slaps my butt and the photographer snaps a picture. The picture of us actually posed shows that hat and me hysterical with the ugly crying face. I only bought them because I was afraid they would end up in someone's email entitled "These People Are Why The Titanic Sunk".
90. When we returned and the kids were looking through the pictures, they found them. After they finished laughing and picked themselves off the floor, Matt, a friend of my son, says, "Rick, you look like Fievel on 'Fievel Goes West'." Same ear/hat relationship. same goofy look on face. I promise I will look for that picture when I get back.
92. So this trip, I am planning ahead. I have a set of my fat, fatter, and fattest clothing just in case I want to eat myself into a coma.
93. I know they spend lots of time and energy while making my cruise even more fun, but I have issues tipping my housekeeper a small fortune for making my towels into animals wearing my sunglasses. I don't tip my housekeeper at a hotel and they fold my toilet paper in a sweet little point. But I guess I am a cheapskate. (The cruise line suggests $120 for EACH attendant. That would be your waiter, your house keeper, your valet-bell-boy guy, the head chef, and the supervisor OVER the head chef.) I am thinking I am in the wrong business.
94. I think I may be getting a UTI. Could be that I drank WATER the other day in the car when I was coughing up cotton and Rick let me drink his. My body, not used to that foreign substance, went into shock. Either that or the water flushed out something and disturbed what had been working for months.
95. It helps to have doctor friends for prescription call-ins. When we took our vacation to Tahoe, everyone but Me and John David got the stomach virus. I had to call my friend to call in a family size bottle of Lomotil. Thank God that hotel did not charge us per flush. With 4 rooms of people pooping and puking for 24 hours, we would've had to take out a loan.
96. Because you asked, I will give you step-by-step instructions on the construction of the hot glued window treatments when I get back. I know you will be waiting with baited breath.
97. Just FYI: The new house keeper that tried out yesterday did a good job. It only took me ten minutes to rearrange the chotskis she had dusted and placed in a straight line across my bookcases.
98. I have a million last-minute errands to tie up all the loose ends to finish preparing for this trip. I have to take Andy to the kennel, pick up the dry cleaning, pick up Cooper's medicine, pick up my check, get the kid's uniforms for school to their dad's, find Rick some more shorts, and most importantly, get a pedicure.
99. I am scraping the bottom of the information barrel to finish these last twenty. And honestly, I am distracted by the huge list of To-Dos looming. But I do want you all to know how much I appreciate you and your loyalty to me. When I talk to people, I always brag about you as my friend. My South Carolina friend, my Oklahoma friend, my Louisiana, Ohio, Florida, Wisconsin, Massachusetts, Texas, California, Colorado, Alaska, Hawaii, Utah, Kansas, Indiana, etc. friend. Yep, I talk about y'all, but only in a good way.
100. With all the mush I can muster I will miss each and every one of you and your wonderful blogs. Usually the trip home after a long vacation is filled with dread about returning to reality. Know that I will be on pins and needles, ready to attack my poor unsuspecting computer, to read up on all I have missed. My sister Amelia Bedelia will be filling in for me on Thurs.(Don't forget, Aimless!!!) And I have come up with 4 other posts and scheduled them, so you won't forget about me. I love you all!!!!
If I don't return, I have taken the position that Julie held on the Love Boat. I will let you know how Gopher is in the sack....