Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The Post AKA Lunesta

Just when you thought time flies when you read blogs, here's 20 more: (HEY!!! I heard that- "Holy crap it's only Wednesday and we have two more days of this!?!")

41. I sat down to watch Biggest Loser with a cheeseburger and fries....Do ya think I have issues?
42. I want to go down on record saying that I cannot stand Vicki on that show.
43. My niece has already asked to come back. We told her "No".
44. After my niece left in August, we had to have the security system guy come and redo the entire left side of the house because she had disconnected it. It cost us $250 for her to sneak out all summer.
45. I miss the good part of my niece horribly bad. I refuse to tolerate the bad part of her.
46. At times, I still have major guilt over the fact I couldn't help or change her. But not bad enough to take her back.
47. Claire has a new boyfriend and he is so cute and wonderful.
48. When Rick pretended to be tough and asked him what his intentions were with his daughter, he responded, "I am in the eighth grade! I have no intentions." I am lovin' that kid!
49. At times, my kids getting along get on my ever-lovin' nerves more than when they argue. I have to say things like, "Quit laughing," or "Keep your head off her/his shoulder" about a gajillion times.
50. At the grocery store last night, they were so hysterical, they both fell into a man and almost knocked him over. I had told them for 10 minutes to quit goofing around. I helped the man and looked at my kids and said, "Go find your mother, kids," and went the other way.
51. I crack myself up sometimes.
52. In high school there was a girl named Helen who was really rough and mean. She hated me. For no reason. She scared the crap out of me. She had threatened to kick my ass one too many times.
53. So I drove home after school and put on my boots (Yes, that would be cowboy. Shut it. I live in Texas) because I was much tougher when I had them on. I went back up to where I knew she was and confronted her.
54. She was so shocked that I showed up that she just smiled and got into her truck (Yes, a truck. Remember...Texas) and drove away. She never threatened me again and even waved at me when she saw me.
55. When I got back into my car, I was so relieved I teared up. But only after I drove off. I didn't need her friends to know I was a chicken shit pansy.
56. I went to camp at Hidden Falls Ranch (HFR) every summer from the time I was 10 until I was 16.
57. HFR was on the edge of Palo Duro Canyon (which is comparable to a very mini Grand Canyon) and it was beautiful. The rifle (BB) range was at low point in the canyon, about 2 miles straight down. Racing my friend Marcy to the range, I slipped and slid down what seemed to be one solid mile and scraped my entire right bun and back of my right thigh completely raw. I had the biggest road rash scab known to mankind until the end of camp. It was hell climbing back up out of the canyon every day with a scabby ass.
58. As a camper, I won Sharp Shooter (THE most prestigious BB gun target award given) every year and was never beaten.
59. I sucked at archery though.
60. I had a BB gun hidden behind my seat when I went to go meet Helen that day. I was ready to pop a pellet in her ass.

Annie Oakley


NucMEd is Hot said...

Oh my, you are killing me with this. How hilarious!

J'Ollie Primitives said...

I.Am.In.Awe. of your shootin'skillz.
I never got better than Marksman.
Marksman is the Tard reward for not shooting the drill sergeant. Accidentally.

sassy stephanie said...

Laughing so hard. I just peed a little. "go find your mother" Oops. Just peed again.

Mrs. Schmitty said...

I ate a HUGE bowl of popcorn WITH butter watching The Biggest Loser. AND YES! I HATE VICKY, she is evil! I would so like to be on that show just so I could mess with her. Amy is awesome for voting against her last night! I was like, "YEEEEEESSSS!"

Ronda's Rants said...

Very nice...Annie! I am more like little orphan Annie! I don't think I could come up with these...I am just not that interesting!

Ronda's Rants said...

BTW...My kids did that in the store once....and I looked my eight year old son right in the face and said "Where is your Mother?" He smiled and said "Mom?"
I smiled right back and said "Good one! Really go find your Mother!" and walked away!

Julie D said...

You are one funny lady. I totally want you on my team if I ever get picked on by a bully (other than my ex husband) again!

Tiffany said...

HAHA You badass! And I used to shoot a bow in archery competitions. I was the only girl.

Mom we are so alike. Although I never had a girl pick on me. Cuz I would whoop some ass.

And me and my brother would ALWAYS get the giggles when my mom told us to be quiet. We couldn't help ourselves.

Deb said...

i swear you just write a story (a fairly disjointed one) and then stick numbers in front of random sentences. have i blown your cover?

as i get to "know" you better, i have sort of developed a mental picture of your narrative and it just cracks me up.

and now that i know you are good with guns, i will definitely try to stay off your bad list (i was already scared enough of you)

nikkicrumpet said...

You can do 10,000 of're hysterical and I laugh through the whole thing. I was laughing that you even crack yourself up!

Anonymous said...

Wow. You are one tough lady! I love reading these things about you! You're so funny! Keep them coming!

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

Jill you are so flippin' funny. You wanted to pop a cap in her ass.

Go find your mother, I too eat bad when watching the Biggest Loser.

You are one funny gal, I want you for a sister.

amelia bedelia said...

And I won the archery know, sister, we should go on the road. and ya'll she still puts on the same boots when she wants to feel like a bad ass.

Rhonda said...

I hate Vicki too. Skank.

And I like Phil.

I LOVE #51! My hubby laughs at me because many times I'm the only one laughing at my jokes.

And as for the "What are your intentions" one, I have to tell you, we had Asia's little boyfriend fill out an application to date my daughter that we found on the internet. It was like a 5 or 6 pager! He actually did it!!!! lol I fell in love at that moment. To heck with Asia. That boy was MINE!

Anonymous said...

It is so OBVIOUS to me you are from West Texas, hon. Us city folk just had some wranglers and boots.

Debz said...

I didn't realize we could drag out the "100 things about me" into 5 days. I would have done that.

But yours is all very interesting, don't get me wrong.

I don't watch Biggest Loser - I was afraid it was a show about me.

I was going to ask you about your niece yesterday, so it's funny that you mention her. How is she doing? Status quo?

I had a bully too. No wait, that's not right. I was the bully. Never mind.

Brenda said...


I hate Vicki also.

And I was eating homemade ice cream while watching...

Go find your mother! LOL. I think I did that a few times to mine. Yet I loved it when they were all silly together. Miss those days.

Anonymous said...

You are one tough chick. I couldn't help but to laugh out loud at the Texas comments. Friggen AWESOME!

Kritta22 said...

I'm so calling you Annie from now on. I love all of these! I'm growing to love you more!

Michelle said...

That is so funny! I am actually laughing out loud. I hope I don't wake up the baby!

Dawn said...

LOL Jill!!! You are SO STINKIN' FUNNY!!

Now that I've met you in person I totally can see you hikin' on those cowboy boots to go kick butt! LOL

Dawn said...

LOL Jill!!! You are SO STINKIN' FUNNY!!

Now that I've met you in person I totally can see you hikin' on those cowboy boots to go kick butt! LOL

Unknown said...

Did you really have a bb gun in the back seat just in case? You know how to scare the pants off of some bullies!!

Are you just as funny in person?

Jenni said...

LOL! I would have loved it if you got to shoot her in the ass...

Deb said...

Awesome facts Jill. I now feel the need to go get the ice cream out of the freezer. Too bad biggest loser isn't on.

AJ said...

Yeah, I thought you went to camp at Hidden Valley Ranch. See how my mind goes to food:)

That Janie Girl said...

JillJillBoBill the shootist.

I knew it.

I knew it all along.

Ash said...

No issues here - I have to eat a gargantuan bowl of super duper Movie butter dripping popcorn when I watch America's Next Top Model. And then I stun them by NOT throwing it up.

Take that you young skinny bitches!!! Mwwwwaaahhaaahha!


Bobbi Jo Nichols said...

I love your blog and I am enjoying learning all about you through this. Hugs, Bobbi Jo-AZ

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