Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Random Thoughts of Bargains

I can smell a bargain a mile away. I had to live with the cheapest SOB on two legs for 19 years of misery and had to learn to be thrifty to ever have anything neat in my house besides a cooler for a coffee table or the plastic bookshelf as my entertainment center. So I learned the magic of Junkin'. This post will be the informative post of random bargain info you have always wanted to know, but were afraid to ask.

Good ol' Brenda, the Queen of good intentions herself, tagged me and since I am unathletic and can't run, she caught me. So for your viewing pleasure I will give you seven shots of Randomness about me and my Bargain Guru-ness. Above is my favorite piece and BEST FIND EVER. It's not crooked, just lousy photography. It's an Apothecary Chest from an old oilfied office of my best HS friend's dad. I paid $10 for this baby. I fought harder for it than my kids during the divorce. Not really. He didn't even know I had it...

Whoops! How did this get in here? Okay, well, this is what you might find in the GOOD bargain stores with the GREAT deals. Take you a sticky pad and set it around wherever you stand. Once on, they can never get off. Literally. This is who was scaring me and making me crazy a couple of days before the hurricane blew in. He and some of his buddies took refuge in my kitchen and had a mouse convention with popcorn, Raman noodle packets, and hookers. Above is the popcorn and one wasted convention-goer. I hope he got what he paid for and died happy. I also caught the hookers. I know they were hookers because they small and petite and flashy-like. Whores.

2. This is a picture of my NEW FIREPLACE SCREEN 3D helped me get for my birthday!! Amazon rocks and even Mr.Picky loved it. Thank you, thank you Deb! Can YOU say you have ever gotten a fireplace screen for your birthday? I didn't think so. I had been looking for months for one and when browsing through Amazon, I spotted this and thought, "HEY! Deb gave me a GC and so this screen only cost me like $50. I know. I am a Bargain Shopper Deluxe.

3. Speaking of Bargain Shopping, above is a frame I bought in an antique store for $10 that I think probably belonged on a buffet or dresser. I added some cardboard cut to shape and hot glued fabric to the cardboard. The crosses on there are to keep Tiffany and her wet-nurse Deb and their vampire selves away. Actually the crosses are magnets and plastic. Hot glue. (Please ignore my personal obese photographer that is wearing Amy's dirty shirt she left for me because she didn't want to do laundry, or it was too small in the boobs, I forget. The photographer still had on pj's from this morning and needed something to hide that she hadn't put a bra on. Sloth.)

4. Another bargain: Plate rack from the Salvation Army in the ritzy part of Dallas $5. Plate on top that no one will ever eat off of: 75 cents from the Soul's Harbor. Two bottom plates brand new from Pier One: $2.20 each. All the crap on the hutch, dollars at flea markets and junk shops. Just try to get the same color or like colors for displays. Because I am Martha Stewart. Only not a gagillionaire, mean, been to prison, and I can't cook. The hutch was a bare piece of furniture that we refinished. I went in the store to look for furniture and Rick came with me because it said NUDE on the front of the building and he thought I was taking him to peep show. Much cheaper to buy nude. But if you have to wear clothes, you can still get good deals. I crack myself up!

5. Four matching leaf frames from Big Lots: $3 each. The pictures inside aren't pictures. They are a napkin I found at the junk shop where the crazy schitzo lady hangs out and talks to herself. I just cut it to fit and again...hot glue. Napkin: free. mainly because I bought some other junk and the schitzy girl was stressing the guy behind the counter out and he missed ringing up the 10 cents. I look for her bike with the long orange flag on the back because she always helps me get better deals.
6. I bought this coffee table for $20 at my favorite Junk Store and stripped it, painted it with my kitchen paint, sanded it and stained it. When you go to buy a refurbished distressed piece and they are asking like $750-PAY IT!! That was hard and I sweated more than I would like to whine about. Notice the SkyMall magazine on the beautifully finished table top. And Gus with his devil eyes.

7. Okay, I know you are sick of this, but it's the last, I swear. I got this bed at the Soul's Harbor in Waxahachie. It's a headboard and footboard and still in my garage because I haven't had time to move it into the guest room. Or the energy. Ready? $20. For both. AND metal side rails. Wheeler Dealer Extraordinaire.

Okay I lied. One more. This is a collection of platters in my dining room. Aluminum platters. Cool platters. Cheap platters. You can find these for $2-10 at the junk shops. The hangers cost me more than the platters. Always choose junky, dirty, have-to-dig-around-in-boxes stores instead of the fancy Antique Shoppes. That's where all the bargains are.
So now you know how cheap I am. Or maybe you already knew.


Swirl Girl said...

so you can't cook - but you can bargain shop!

great finds!

I love antiquing...and flea markets...and shoe shopping...getting off topic here, sorry.

Anonymous said...

Want to trip on down here to Georgia???

I am in love with the first piece, the picture frames, the bed and the crosses Oh the crosses!!! We have a two story great room with a large blank wall and I want to get all kinds of Gothic crosses to plaster it with. However, my husband is a recovering Catholic and said that this would be the first sight when he walked out of our bedroom and would cause him to pass out every day, at least twice. :(

I love your taste in decorating - the serving plates on the wall is classic too!

Deb said...

Wow! You are amazing, and your house is gorgeous!

I hope nobody trashes your gorgeous place during the sleepover. I won't name names. :)

Unknown said...

ok it's official i want YOU for my SSS partner because i am thinking you can get more bang for your buck!

Geesh all of that is awesome! even 'debbil eyes' is adorable-and I gotta tell ya I am not a martha stewart fan but you I like!

Debz said...

Holy Crap!! You are amazing! That stuff is awesome. What's even more amazing to me is that you can see that stuff in a junk shop and know it can be something. I would probably look at it and see junk. I have no creative juices at all.
I am impressed though - and thanks for ratting me out Deb. Now she'll be watching me extra hard at the sleepover. (i wasn't gonna trash it that bad, maaaan)

Debz said...

And thanks for the honorable mentions!! Whenever I see my name in lights like that, I have a Harry met Sally moment. Clutching the table and all. So, really, thanks for that!!! I need a ciggarette...

Julie D said...

Wow, you totally rock. Well done!!!

The Mom Jen said...

Great stuff your house is beautiful! The rat/mouse...utterly disgusting!

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

I love junking/thrifting too! I love to bargain shop.

That picture of the stuck party animal ICK......All he wanted to do was play freeze tag and boy he is good at freezing!

Anonymous said...

Wow--so many bargains! I love your coffee table! And that poor little mouse...I know they're obnoxious and vile but it's still sad to see them suffering :( haha I'm such a baby! And I love the apothacary thing too!

Linda S said...

I love the colors in your home...gorgeous. Anytime you want to take me bargain shopping, I'm up for a road trip!

Tenakim said...

We do a lot of trash to treasure shopping too- love it! Mouses piss me off, though!

Tenakim said...

I know it's mice- not mouses, but I like the word mouses better!

amelia bedelia said...

wow, you cleaned!

Unknown said...

LMFAO@your sis's reply!!!!!!!!!!!
that right there folks is what ya call a classic!

Jyl @ MommyGossip said...

OK... I know this was all about bargain shopping, but that rat picture seriously cracked me up. Soooooo didn't expect to see that there!

Happy October! Thanks for the laughs--whether you did it intentionally or not :).

Tiffany said...

It'll take more than some ole crosses to keep me away. I'm not the vampire...Deb is cuz you never see her in sunlight.

And on the glue traps...I had a rat one time that DID get off. All I had was hair left in the glue. Hellooo I am in the woods so we don't have mice, we have rats. Big as your head!!! OK so that was a lie but those bastards are BIG.

Brenda said...

I totally need to shop at your junk stores because you are finding cool things really cheap (or maybe try shopping them in the nude - they would PAY me to leave the store with stuff!)

Unknown said...

I have 3 more posts that need your comments for today...I'm just sayin...oh and your sistah is a slacker she barely comments me what i swear i will put on deoderant if she shows up! put in a good word for me will ya?

Unknown said...

oh and i will pull my gangsta drawers up to...i didnt mean to show so much crack...good words mmmkay??? ;-)

Unknown said...

OHHHH and another thang then I'm done i promise(sorta) i dont mean no fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants-comments....I know you will be getting home from work and seeing a billion new posts in your blogger reader thangy BUT i expect heart-felt comments-I mean i am taking you to los cabos yanno-it's the least you can do
ok ok ok I am done i think
LOVE YA! 9 days and counting!

Insane Mama said...

I love flea markets, garage sales,swap meet etc. Who cares if you can't cook

Unknown said...

LOL....deb ok ok ok I'm suckin it

nikkicrumpet said...

Jill you crack me up. I swear I laugh and guffaw...YES GUFFAW through your posts. Not everyone can make a post about great junk funny...but you manage to entertain with wonderful bargains and great dialogue!

chocolatecovereddaydreams.blogspot.com said...

Girl, we really are twinplets! I can smell bargains for miles and miles away. In fact, I love going to estate sales. It took me a minute to get used to going into someone's medicine cabinet and even being able to purchase their toothpaste but, a bargain's a bargain!

I love what you've done with your house. It looks so cozy and ready for the sleepover! I promise not to do cartwheels close to the beautiful plates on the wall!

I couldn't believe that you framed a napkin! What a totally crafty idea! I may have to steal that idea from you!!

Thanks for sharing your creativity!

Scary Mommy said...

Wow. Impressive!! But, gross-- I can't get that mouse out of my head. Ick.

Ronda's Rants said...

You are a great "finder"...I love to shop with girls like you....I always have a vision that my Hubby doesn't see probably because I make him do all the work...you do!

MamaHen Em said...

I had to come visit you because I see you on georgie's blog all the time and YEA! I'm glad I did. I love your furniture and decorating style. Kudos to you for all the great bargains!

Unknown said...

yes I know mamahen Ima start charging her rent! ;-)

Unknown said...

Have you ever heard of Tip Junkie? You need to submit some of these to her. Go here: http://tipjunkie.blogspot.com/

I especially liked the framed napkin and crosses. You Rock!

Anonymous said...

The hangers cost more than the platters? Oh, you lost points with me on that one. Take a coke can and pop the top off. Hot glue the removed pop-top to the back of anything and you've got yourself a hanger.

NucMEd is Hot said...

I love hanging plates, but my children love to run through the house and I do not love to clean up broken plates

LuckyMe said...

OMG! Live mouse stuck on a pad? Who dealt with that? And what do you do? Toss in the trash? Alive? EEEEK!
But your mouse convention, sooo funny!

Ginny’s Lazy B Ranch said...

Jill, I love your bargains!!! Your bed is a lot prettier than mine and I'm still working on mine. yuck!! I will get it done sometime. I love that aluminum collection on the wall!! I have a bunch of that cool stuff and never thought of making a display. You are so talented. Where is the Soul Harbor place. You didn't tell me about it? Ha Ha, There's a new Salvation Army store in Waco. I don't guess you ever get down that way much. We need to go junkin together sometime!!ttyl

suzannah | the smitten word said...

i'm impressed with your steals! and the rodent hookers? there are no words...

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