Friday, October 24, 2008

The ABC's of B&M

Okay, Sixy Mom, Sidney borrowed this from Georgie who borrowed it from somebody else.


This is Fri. The official B&M day. YEEEHAAAW! 24 things to bitch about. I hope I can do this....

A is for age: 43 (And yet I already do the shuffle walk to the toilte when I roll out of bed like I am 84 and have Parkinson's.)

B is for burger of choice: Whataburger's #1 with cheese, no veggies. (Yes, I eat burgers like I am 4. Shut it.)

C is for the car I drive: 2003 Altima(for work) 2007 Durango(when I want to throw $94 out of the window to go 15 miles. I F'n hate this car! Anyone want to take over payments on a Dodge? It's too big and trucky.)

D is for your dog's name: (Good Lord. Just when I wasn't going to mention them today.) Gus and Andy (And you know....)

E is for essential item you use every day: Toilet paper. And mascara. (Pooping makes you have skimpy lashes.)

F is for favorite TV show at the moment: Eleventh hour. That Dr is soo hot. And smart. (I'll just moan on this one)mmmmmmm

G is for favorite game: I cheat at all games if I can, so now no one plays with me...(eveyone takes it so serious! It's just a game, Cooper!!!!)

H is for home state: Texas. And yes, everything is bigger. Except my bosoms. (That's more a B&M for the hub)

I is for instruments you play: The kazoo. Or my nose. I can strum a mean nostril.

J is for favorite juice: Pineapple with coconut rum.(I cannot WAIT for my cruise!!! I have so much of that drink I get gout from all the acid build-up!!)

K is for whose bum you'd like to kick: Stupid people in general. And my ex's wife because she is mean. (And they deserve each other)

L is for last restaurant at which you ate: Don Jose's and I O.D.ed on their queso.(And cut my gum on a chip as I was inhaling it.)

M is for your favorite Muppet: Miss Piggy because she whacks the crap out of anyone who hacks her.off. Plus I can do her "HaaaaaYaaaaaaa" pretty damn good. And she wears boas.(Who can B&M about a muppet?)

N is for number of piercings: Two…earlobes. (And because i was so fashionable in the 80's, my slits are almost all the way thru because I wore 46 lb earrings.)

O is for overnight hospital stays: tonsillectomy, appendix,3 births. Sex change operation. (Just kidding. I never had my appendix out.)

P is for people you were with today: Rick, Claire, Cooper, (and Jordan, the guy who works out here and does maintainence on the sub-division. A B&M all in himself)

Q is for what you do with your quiet time: Blog and eat and watch TV and eat and think about walking and eat. (But it's never quiet)

R is for biggest regret: Not having the gumption to exercise. And yelling a lot. (It makes me cough.)

S is for status: Married and servant to all. Really. I wear a peasant's dress. (It's not the flattering kind either)

T is for time you woke up today: Around 6 am when the alarm went off and 6:20 when I quit hitting the snooze.(When. for the love of God, can they get themselves up and walk to the bus stop? WHEN? When I stop caring how they look. Oh yeah, and if they have eaten and are safe waiting for the bus.)
U is for what you consider unique about yourself: I have never colored my hair. And I won a Nobel Peace Prize. And I am a democrat. (Just kidding. I am Republican.)

V is for vegetable you love: Fresh spinach with lots of fattening dressing.(Raspberry Vinegarette is fat free, so I had to switch. And I loved that stuff!!! But I fear of throwing my body into shock if I go total healthy.)

W is for worst habit: When I am deep in thought, I put my hand to my mouth in a fist and bounce it up and down and it looks like I am a porn star, smoking, too much caffeine, Shaking my left foot in bed before I fall asleep. (Just kidding. It's my right foot. And it drives me batty. But I HAVE to do it.)

X is for x-rays you've had: Dental, chiropractic, and chest from when I had fluid on my lungs after nearly croaking while birthing Trevor. (Wish this was Xrated videos you have been starred in....I could win on that one.)(Why does no one ever believe me on this?)sigh

Y is for yummy food you ate today: Coffee and a molasses cookie. (Not even homemade. I have GOT to crack down on Claire more to have the baked goods daily!)

Z is for zodiac: Libra. As in Nacho Libra. mmmmm nachos. (With real grated cheese, not that runny crap out of a can. I barfed that up at a fair once and it is NOT pretty OR tasty the second time around.)

Have a great weekend!!! It's my oldest 2's birthdays. Kalee's is the 25th and John David's is the 28th. And to save you from having to do math, yes, their father's was at the end of Jan. And that is all he got. And since my son is coming, that means he gets to wear my apron!!!  YES!!! I can sit on my ass all weekend. I love my kids.

38 comments:

Tiffany said...

Man do I love me some cheese. Thanks for talking about food Jill. Now I'm fucking starving.

And you sure got a purty fist. I like watchin it. LOL

Diane said...

Funny stuff! The funniest, though, is that you thought the alphabet had 24 letters ;)

J'Ollie Primitives said...

It's not TMI. Really. We NEED to know this stuff.

I love W. And J. Hey wait you're going on a booze cruise? Is it a Blogging Booze Cruise?

Now J is for Jealous. Durn.

Dee said...

Very funny. I think "O" is my favorite. :)

QuirkyLoon said...

I, too, am a lover of all burgers simple and cheesy!

I loved this post, lots of fun.

Swirl Girl said...

What two letters did you leave out? I am too dumb to figure it out but I know you said 24 and aren't there 26 letters in the alpahabet?

Aside from the lack of math skills, I never proof read either. You could have done 26 and just said 24.

That's my B and M for today.

gingela5 said...

Those are fun! I always order cheeseburgers plain. I hate veggies! :)

Jennifer Suarez said...

Happy birthday to them both! My daughter's birthday is today, my parents birthday was wednesday, and my step sons bday was on the 2nd. October is a huge birthday month I guess.

I suppose it's due to all the New Year celebrations? HA!

Deb said...

i am impressed on soooo many different levels. good work.

Suzann @ Lavender and Roses said...

This was fun AND funny. I needed a chuckle today - thanks.

careysue said...

Very.good. and too funny.

Thanks, I needed that.

Lisa L said...

Ooooh. A cruise. Lucky girl! And that must have been scary ...the fluid on the lungs bit. Yikes. I must try me some coconut rum.....not on call this weekend...hmmmmm...could be some fun times ahead :)

Anonymous said...

There was so very much "too much information" in there....I may need a shower! But...you are forgiven because you make me LAUGH...and I'm at work...and trust me...NOTHING is ever funny at work. So if I can laugh here...you DESERVE that nobel prize!!

OH and it's me nikkicrumpet...damn freaking piece of crap blogger won't let me sign in!

Rhonda said...

So, I was wondering why you would want to B&M about 24 things. And then I see that you were doing one for every letter of the alphabet.

All 24 of them.


HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! And yes. That's me laughing at you. But I know you can take it, so I'm okay with it.

jill jill bo bill said...

The letters "F' and "I" aren't B&Mers. Just statements. Because if I really thought there were only 24 letters in the alphabet I would be on eof those stupid people I hate....whistling......slinking away......

Julie said...

24 letters of the alphabet. Alrighty. Makes me wonder if your age is accurate too...

Ginger said...

Hi Jill:
I've said it before but it bears repeating...you are the funniest person I've ever read. You should be a writer for some of these talk show guys that think they are funny. (Letterman, Leno, etc).
Great post.
Ginger

Ronda's Rants said...

So Jill was a Jack...Oh you were kidding huh?
So....when are you going on a cruise?
We are going Dec 18...which can not come fast enough for me!!!

Kritta22 said...

Georgie stole it from me!! I'm the someone!!
BTW I noticed you only did 24 and got it. I didn't think you were stupid. Do I get brownie points now?

binks said...

You should try your J with a little Hypnotiq - that glowing blue stuff. Yum!

Are you gonna spill about this freakin' cruise or what? Tell me it takes off from Ft Lauderdale and I am stowing away (although I get a little seasick, so I may barf in your luggage.

Between W and X, I am starting to wonder.

Have a great weekend sitting on your arse crackin' da whip.

texasholly said...

Next time you have a sex change you can get more boobs? I am so confused by that statement but I am rolling with it because it made me laugh...

Good solid information I needed about you today.

Misplaced Country Girl said...

Pooping makes you have skimpy lashes about made me fall out of my chair from laughing.

This was one of the funniest posts I have read in a long time. Good stuff!

manic mariah said...

I suck at math.. I can't count. I don't know how many birthdays are coming your way but I hope they are fun!

Jay @halftime lessons said...

I hope you take this the right way...

You are funny as hell.

;-)

nikkicrumpet said...

YOU FREAKING CRAZY WOMAN....I'LL RACE YOU TO MARIA'S HOUSE!!!!!!!!

Justine said...

These were fantastic to read! Ah, another smoker too! Glad I'm not the only damn one!

Justine :o )

georgie said...

how ironic...i shake my foot when i am fallin asleep too! ask ayone who has ever slept with me...weird facto#231 about georgie LOL

Hey i am missin you!

Mamahut said...

I think your my new hero or is it heroine, wait, that's what the drug users use right? Anyway you were a porn star too??

Eudea-Mamia said...

I totally don't buy the pooping gives you skimpy lashes bit - I wipe booties from dawn til dusk, and both my boys have lashes to die for - the milk man's kids - I have no idea where they got them.

Great stuff. And I totally knew you had to be a Libra - the coolest sign on the Zodiac. And I should know, I'm a Virgo, the know-it-all, perfectionist sign.

Em

Deb said...

"...now I know my ABC's, next time won't you bitch with me?"

Jenn And The City said...

Laughing too much to comment. Jenn

Deb said...

You have so many "debs" that comment here now I was tempted to just skip you altogether. lol

happy birthday to kalee and john david. have a good weekend!!

lurve you!!

Sidney (Sixy Mama) said...

God, you continue to crack me up...

I'm finally gonna put the awards that you bestowed upon me on my blog.....been busy, doncha know...

nikkicrumpet said...

Sheeesh post something new ya slacker! I need a laugh!

Rhonda said...

I will come and vacuum your house, if only to go in and look around. I'm weird like that. Oh, and can I pretend I live there whilst I vacuum? lol

Kritta22 said...

Did you know that it's Sunday night?? Just telling ya! Maybe you should post!! :)

http://anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

I love that you Hiiii Yaaaa like Miss Piggy. And, the boob thing? Of course, reminds me of when you hiked up your corset. I hope you have a wonderful break.

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