Thursday, October 9, 2008

Type Ho's

I finished college when I was in my thirties. And thankfully, because I was old hag, I didn't have to do some intro test to get back into the institute of higher learning because I had taken a semester when I was young. I was already stressed out enough going to college as a 35 yr old married mother of 5, but I knew my kids would never have anything if I didn't get a degree and get a "real" job that paid more than $9 an hour.

So I did all that is required to enroll and requested all my transcripts. Standing in line during early registration, I was scanning over my high school classes and grades and the memories were flowing. I was all smiles, humming as I read.
English.......Mrs. Sewell.......God, that class was fun!.........Were those her real boobs and were they really that pointy?..........
Government.......Mr. Black.........He was older than Methuselah and lived during the times he taught about........He loved to call on me because I was never paying attention....I remember the time he caught me off guard and asked me what a concubine was and I gave him the definition of a combine. Combine-concubine, same difference....
Latin........Mrs Aull..........Yep, got in-school suspension after THAT Latin trip............I remember "Ego te Amo" and That.Is. It.........That was so fun though!..........while Mrs Aull was out of the room, (because we were the "smart" kids, she left us alone a LOT) Kurt Adamie farted on my head when I leaned over to get my purse......Ah, fun times!.........
Algebra....Coach Hunt..........(Done in my best Roseann Roseanna Danna Voice) One time he sneezed while at the board and he had a snot drip that just hung on the end of his nose and it just swung back and forth.....I loved that man though.........And I wanted to go up there with a tissue and help him out....but I was afraid I would barf.........
Biology.........Mrs Wagner..........Jon Paul blew up the lab and she cried.......everyone was so mean to her..........she was the homeliest woman I have ever laid eyes on........and was dumber than a box of rocks........I never learned anything in that class...........
Choir.........Mr Lorey...........The most fun I had in high school.........show choir...........Blow-off class that all my best friends took with me.....Shoved a fund-raiser peanut M&M up Mr. Loreys nose when he made me eat one that he had dropped on the floor because he wouldn't open his mouth to let me pay him back......He picked me up over his shoulder and wiped the board with my ass.....Wow! I was skinny back then and that little guy could pick me up!..........That was my favorite class.................(Big smile and an audible chuckle).................
Typing.......Mrs------screeeeeeeeech(My smile vanishes. My heart stops. Panic sets in . My eyes bulge. My Pulse quickens.).............Typing?! TYPING?!.... I took typing?....OMG! I don't remember taking typing...........I can't type!.......This has to be wrong!............Did I take typing?.........I got an "A"...........This CANNOT be right!..........Why can I not type?..........Was I intoxicated that entire semester?............

So, in honor of my typing teacher, Ms. Whoever(If I can't remember the class, I am pretty sure I don't have to know her name) I will disclose a few of the everyday typing errors I make and have to backspace or delete. My "a" finger(which varies BTW) is always faster than the other fingers I hunt and peck with.

*The word "great" comes out "greta" EVERY TIME.
*"going" is always "goning".
*I always forget the spaces so phrases like "Hope to see you soon" come out "Hope tosee you soon".
*"comment " is always "omment" because for some reason my left fingers are dainty and do the light tap.
*I space when I shouldn't and the poor last letter is hooked onto the next word, as in "th ekeyboard" or "an dI".
So if you get weird looking comments from me that you have to decipher, just understand I am handicapped in the typing area. I hate to IM people because by the time I have pecked out my response to their message, they are off onto another subject and we are both lost.
And the word verification things? OMG!!!!! I am like, "Is that a "V" or a "U"? A "G" or a "Q"? I never get it right! So by the time I type the 7 letter code, I am yelling each letter aloud and my poor keyboard is getting pounded.
Most people when they type look at the screen to see what is being typed. NOT ME!!!! I have my face buried in the keyboard. So I will be trucking right along, on a roll of pure hilarity, only to look up and see that I have somewhere clicked the "caps lock" button so my sentences look like "tHE GOOD NEWS IS i AM ON VACATION NEXT WEEK!".
I also have issues with the delete and backspace buttons, doing the opposite one I should and having to remember what I just typed.
And if I am thinking (which, thank God, is not too often) and my finger pauses on a letter, it looks like "apppppppppple" instead of "apple".
Thank God for my sister, Amelia Bedelia, because, even though I have peed and puked on her, she still helps me out every time I need assistance with anything more advanced than typing.
Okay, share your common typo issues.
Man, this spell check will be a doozie!

49 comments:

Deb said...

*I space when I shouldn't and the poor last letter is hooked onto the next word, as in "th ekeyboard" or "an dI".

That is also one of mine, and.... sometimes I hit the "s" key instead of the "a" key or on the other side of the keyboard I will hit ; when I mean '. And I actually remember typing class, I just suck at it.
You should see me trying to teach Jacob and Maddie (cause they like to play office person) and I give them sentences to type and tell them they cannot take their fingers off of "a s d f j k l ;". They think I am The Keyboard Nazi, but I enjoy myself and that's all the matters.

QueenofPlanetHotflash said...

Imma hunt n pecker gal LMAO

Linda S said...

Sit up straight, shoulders back, and put your hands on the home row keys.

That's all I hear every time I come up to the computer.

yeach...

if you need help with the email thing, click on Carissa's blog in my post. she had instructions. or email me and I can help you...

Mom Taxi Julie said...

Ah the memories! Reminds me of some of my crazy teachers!

Tenakim said...

I never took typing (I'm almost 100% sure!) and I, in effect suck at it, too. I make all those same mistakes 'because' is almost always 'becasue' (which kind of sounds like a cutesy little name- Bekka Sue) so much so that I don't even notice it and correct it anymore.

Rhonda said...

So perhaps you should give some of these a try...

monomorphic supraventricular tachycardia

ischemic cardiomyopathy

abdominal aortic aneurysm

And you know what?

'ankle' gets me EVERY TIME!! AND I'm really bad about rushing the period and space keys. Always.

The Mom said...

Once I was writing on a mom's forum and was going to say "beat a dead horse" and it came out ..

beat a dead whore

so that's our groups' little inside joke. LOL. Not as funny as it was in my head.

kwr221 said...

becasue

I do it almost EVERY time!

and hitting the ; key instead of the ' key. Like didn;t instead of didn't

I HATE word verification. Although Thanks to Happy Hour Sue, I now know that they are called "CAPTCHAS"

J'Ollie Primitives said...

I flunked typing class. Seriously. A'huntin' and a'peckin' here with nose to the keyboard.
Same as I did in high school.

Insane Mama said...

I went to college in my thirties too, it was weird going to school and not trying to pick up on guys. I concentrated and actually paid attention

gingela5 said...

I am a dyslexic typer so a lot of my words get jumbled. I try to catch my mistakes but sometimes it just doesn't happen! And I'm with you on the word verification things! I can barely tell what the words are so how am I supposed to know what to type?!

Eudae-mamia said...

I'm still laughing at the Combine/Concubine confussion.

Remember: One can TAKE your privates off, while the other one GETS your privates off.

You're such a good Texas ag girl!

Em

P.S. and seriously, where did you go to high school where they let the coaches teach Algebra? History was about all ours could handle.

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

I am terrible also. I really try and go back and proof things I write because i get going to fast and it gets all effed up. I don't want to sound like a 3 year old who jumped on the computer when mom wasn't looking.

Wiped the chalkboard with your ass....that was funny!

JT said...

I taught myself to type, so my hand placement is a bit less than traditional.

My "a" finger is also way too fast.

Wheezer said...

I was terrible until....I thought it would be fun to be a paralegal. Woohoo! I never took typing in HS or College so why I thought typing 237 page briefs (haha, I said briefs) would be fun. Try hunting and pecking when Joe Lawyer is screaming a habeas corpus over your shoulder. I had to learn fast and now I can type almost 75 WPM...not bad for sefl taught...whoops!

Dawn said...

I'm just sitting here in awe of you that you can remember all those things from THAT long ago! ROFL! I couldn't tell you any specific thing about a class -I don't think!! Well, except the fact that I wouldn't disect a frog in Biology and ran out of the room about to puke.

I did take typing and I'm a pretty good typer. I type very fast. I do get carried and away and sometimes we do something like this : "going to get together" might look like this: going to get ogether. ( I left off the t on together because I'd already typed a t on get.) See what I mean? LOL

Girl, I can't wait to meet you tomorrow night!! Yippee!

Jenni Jiggety said...

LOL! I took typing too...but although I remember the class...I also remember that I was terrrrible! Some things never change!

Tiffany said...

Maybe if you read a book you could speel better. LOL

I took computer class and we had to type 2 paragraphs, and everybody was finished but I was still on the first paragraphh. My teacher told me I could just type the one paragraph. LOL

And I have to look at the keyboard too. I ALWAYS have caps lock on and then I look up and have to erase all the shit I just typed.

And if my fingernails get too long I can't type for shit. I'll have to file them down.

Julie said...

I always like doing spell check on the word Godiva, and it asks if you want to correct it to "Go Diva"?

LOL...I'm easily amused.

Good N Crazy said...

avaliable

Screw it up every time.

And geust

And wierd

And DEAR??? You commented and you did it you got an email linked to your profile....but....

This is the email you have linked:

jiljillbobillfoshizzle at gmail dot com

Am guessing you got all those 'l's mixed up???


and it bounced back as a bad address?????

You can delete this if you don't want that email in your comments??

nikkicrumpet said...

I remember the name of my type teacher....and I type 80 wpm accurately...neeener neeeener neeener...you hate me now don't you ! S'ok...you're way funnier than me...and funny trumps typing skills any day of the week!

Sara said...

And when will they make it where you can highlight the CAPITAL WORDS YOU TYPED ACCIDENTALLY and just hit the caps button to magically make them lowercase again??

and i mess up the all teh time

amelia bedelia said...

You're typing teacher was Mrs. Pinter. Remember?? Oh, I SO have to do a post about that....I'm sure you remember her trying to set me up with her son. eeeww. and yes, hello friends, it is me....I a still alive. I am taking a short break from my cookbook. It's going well, if anyone cares and I'm almost done. Miss ya'll!

Ronda's Rants said...

I acn't type orspell!

Brittany said...

HAHAHA! My posts would be utter embarrassment without my Firefox spell check!

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

Holy carp (a typo I've taken to using to be less crass HAHAH) wumman. A guy farted on your HEAD? Thank God for single sex education. I never had to deal with that.

dana wyzard said...

I type at 120 words per minute and my biggest error is always typing TOO FAST and the first letter of the upcoming word ends up attached to the prior word. liket his.

Kritta22 said...

Umm...where did you get all of these followers?? 27 comments and not even a giveaway! What the crap!

So anyway I just want you to keep in mind your first few followers but especially me, in the next 3-5 business days. I'm just saying.

Scary Mommy said...

My typing skills are horrific!

Remember that line from Reality Bites when Winona Ryder's character said all she really took away from college was her SS#? That's me.

AirmanMom said...

My first visit to your blog, thanks to megryansmom! Too much fun..a trip down memory lane, love it! Congrats on the award!


~AirmanMom returning to her blog...

binks said...

Everything you said!
The "because" thing, as well as the all caps.
It is especially bad with my laptop becasue the keyboard is so small.

I'm with you with the text messages. Takes waaayy too long.

Word verification pmo so much, I removed it from my comments. See, don't you just love it when you visit? Easy commenting.
I sometimes just pass up on the comments because I can't be bothered.
Do you hear that people???

Kori said...

Let's see I have a problem with the period I always hit the comma. And my S's are always A's and I have to backspace and fix.

Have a great weekend.

Megryansmom said...

My typing teacher was Ms Manchester, she had a raspy voice and every class would walk in and screech, You're on my time now ladies!

Hop over to my blog to claim your Thoughtful Blogger award.

Congrats

Julie said...

I just want to know why you are going to Georgie's house, and when you are coming to mine.

Jennifer Suarez said...

I'm a great typer, but my a finger is always faster for some reason too! And yes, i did just mis-type and had to fix "great" right then! LOL!!

My "the" almost always comes out teh as well. :-) I guess I have a fast "e" too.

Elaine A. said...

He wiped the board with your butt? He would get in SO much trouble for that these days!!

I have this issue:
"I lov eeggplant."
If the word in front of the next one ends with the same letter the next one starts with, I will tack it on to the beginning of the next one."

P.S. I don't really love eggplant......

6HappyHearts said...

Yee-Haw!I'm so glad we met tonight!
I'll check in often.
I have typing skills gurl!!
Our wrestling coach taught typing & I do not attribute my typing abilities to him?! ; )
It was all that typing in college & corporate america.

Kirby3131 said...

I have a problem with "th eproblem" but most of the time I spell "the" as "teh."

I took typing from the meanest woman on earth. She was old as dirt. However she must have taught me fairly well because I can type without looking at the keyboard and I only have to go back and correct about 10 mistakes per paragraph...that's good right??

Nice to meet you - My name is Kristin in the Secret Santa Soiree.

bv said...

Love the damask background! I can't be sure how I ended up on your blog but I do so love this post and enjoyed reading about your teachers. I must say you remember so much fun stuff! I'm not that cool or maybe I just wasn't that cool?! Either way I make so many of the same typing errors and the WORST is that I always type "Christ" for "Chris" which was a rather big deal when i was posting the Web Babies online for a local hospital!!!!

Enjoy your weekend!

Julie said...

What, Georgie doesn't have a computer? You two are too busy having fun to remember us poor left behind blogging friends??

I'm lonely and co-dependent. LOL

Jenn And The City said...

You ar enot alone....
Jenn

Mamahut said...

I remember my typing teacher...she ate chalk?? Why would you eat chalk in typing class?? She should have ate the typewriters...she kinda looked like she ate a typewriter everyday for breakfast. I can type maybe 20 words a minute, she was that good of a teacher:)

Farrago said...

I will type the rest of this comment without backspace-correcting....

I was lucky... In college there was a typing reuwirement of a minimum 30 wpm as one of the qualigication to revicve the degree. I had been using a typoewriter to ype my letters (pre-computer ownership days), and had become quite a fastish look-at-the-keys typer. The scool offered the ption to test out of the calss, but I had to meet that 30 wpm minimum requieremnt with five or fewer misteks. I took the test and had 5 mistakes and qualified with 31 wpm. And, obviously, my mad skillz have waned some.

Okay, back to proofread copy....

My typical mistakes:
-thing instead of think, and vice-versa ("thinging" sounds mildly naughty)

-weel instead of well (as well as feel instead of fell...that one gets past spell-checkers!) "I feel flat on my ass!")

-mucis instead of music

-becasue instead of because (I feel SOOOO much better to know that many others have the same issue!) (and LOL at the "cute girl's name!")

-ot instead of to (and ti, fo, and si....)

And I remember most of my teachers from high school as well... such as looking down Miss Wojslaw's blouse every time she leaned over her desk. There wasn't much there to see, but when you're 17 and male, very little is quite enough!

Janie said...

I be hatin on word verification.

Just sayin, chica. Just sayin.

Deb said...

So glad to know I'm not the only old lady college student out there!! You give me hope.

I, too, got out of the entrance tests for the same reason...we stuck it to the man, didn't we?

Manager Mom said...

I actually type GREAT, but the spacebar on my stupid laptop sticks. Drives me CRAZY.

Rhonda said...

Hey, Jill.

I'm not sure if you noticed this, but....

YOU MISSED A DAY!


Where is your Friday post? Some of us LIVE for your humour! We wake looking forward to laughing at (oops, I mean with) you.

Danielle said...

I work in healthcare, and when I type "pain" like 30,000 times/day it comes out "apin", and "nausea" comes out "anusea" (which, by the way is a word I just LOVE!), so I'm with you on the fast left pinky!!!

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