Type Ho's

I finished college when I was in my thirties. And thankfully, because I was old hag, I didn't have to do some intro test to get back into the institute of higher learning because I had taken a semester when I was young. I was already stressed out enough going to college as a 35 yr old married mother of 5, but I knew my kids would never have anything if I didn't get a degree and get a "real" job that paid more than $9 an hour.

So I did all that is required to enroll and requested all my transcripts. Standing in line during early registration, I was scanning over my high school classes and grades and the memories were flowing. I was all smiles, humming as I read.
English.......Mrs. Sewell.......God, that class was fun!.........Were those her real boobs and were they really that pointy?..........
Government.......Mr. Black.........He was older than Methuselah and lived during the times he taught about........He loved to call on me because I was never paying attention....I remember the time he caught me off guard and asked me what a concubine was and I gave him the definition of a combine. Combine-concubine, same difference....
Latin........Mrs Aull..........Yep, got in-school suspension after THAT Latin trip............I remember "Ego te Amo" and That.Is. It.........That was so fun though!..........while Mrs Aull was out of the room, (because we were the "smart" kids, she left us alone a LOT) Kurt Adamie farted on my head when I leaned over to get my purse......Ah, fun times!.........
Algebra....Coach Hunt..........(Done in my best Roseann Roseanna Danna Voice) One time he sneezed while at the board and he had a snot drip that just hung on the end of his nose and it just swung back and forth.....I loved that man though.........And I wanted to go up there with a tissue and help him out....but I was afraid I would barf.........
Biology.........Mrs Wagner..........Jon Paul blew up the lab and she cried.......everyone was so mean to her..........she was the homeliest woman I have ever laid eyes on........and was dumber than a box of rocks........I never learned anything in that class...........
Choir.........Mr Lorey...........The most fun I had in high school.........show choir...........Blow-off class that all my best friends took with me.....Shoved a fund-raiser peanut M&M up Mr. Loreys nose when he made me eat one that he had dropped on the floor because he wouldn't open his mouth to let me pay him back......He picked me up over his shoulder and wiped the board with my ass.....Wow! I was skinny back then and that little guy could pick me up!..........That was my favorite class.................(Big smile and an audible chuckle).................
Typing.......Mrs------screeeeeeeeech(My smile vanishes. My heart stops. Panic sets in . My eyes bulge. My Pulse quickens.).............Typing?! TYPING?!.... I took typing?....OMG! I don't remember taking typing...........I can't type!.......This has to be wrong!............Did I take typing?.........I got an "A"...........This CANNOT be right!..........Why can I not type?..........Was I intoxicated that entire semester?............

So, in honor of my typing teacher, Ms. Whoever(If I can't remember the class, I am pretty sure I don't have to know her name) I will disclose a few of the everyday typing errors I make and have to backspace or delete. My "a" finger(which varies BTW) is always faster than the other fingers I hunt and peck with.

*The word "great" comes out "greta" EVERY TIME.

*"going" is always "goning".

*I always forget the spaces so phrases like "Hope to see you soon" come out "Hope tosee you soon".

*"comment " is always "omment" because for some reason my left fingers are dainty and do the light tap.

*I space when I shouldn't and the poor last letter is hooked onto the next word, as in "th ekeyboard" or "an dI".

So if you get weird looking comments from me that you have to decipher, just understand I am handicapped in the typing area. I hate to IM people because by the time I have pecked out my response to their message, they are off onto another subject and we are both lost.

And the word verification things? OMG!!!!! I am like, "Is that a "V" or a "U"? A "G" or a "Q"? I never get it right! So by the time I type the 7 letter code, I am yelling each letter aloud and my poor keyboard is getting pounded.

Most people when they type look at the screen to see what is being typed. NOT ME!!!! I have my face buried in the keyboard. So I will be trucking right along, on a roll of pure hilarity, only to look up and see that I have somewhere clicked the "caps lock" button so my sentences look like "tHE GOOD NEWS IS i AM ON VACATION NEXT WEEK!".

I also have issues with the delete and backspace buttons, doing the opposite one I should and having to remember what I just typed.

And if I am thinking (which, thank God, is not too often) and my finger pauses on a letter, it looks like "apppppppppple" instead of "apple".

Thank God for my sister, Amelia Bedelia, because, even though I have peed and puked on her, she still helps me out every time I need assistance with anything more advanced than typing.

Okay, share your common typo issues.

Man, this spell check will be a doozie!