Monday, October 13, 2008

My Trip In A Giant Nutshell

I know I missed posting my weekly B&M session on Friday and I apologize. Getting ready for my trip to Tulsa definitely qualified for a specific Bitch and Moan, all in itself.


I had to take the dogs to the kennel for boarding. (Believe it or not, again, my precious dogs are part of the B&M equation.)


1. I got out both leashes for the transfer of said canines.
2. I put Gus, the wonder idiot, on his and waited to put Andy, the neurotic one on his until I was ready to walk out the door.
3. In a matter of 3 minutes one of them(they aren't confessing which one) took Andy's leash and hid it somewhere in my house. I scoured the house for 10 min before finally picking Andy up and carrying him football style, tucked neatly away under my arm.
4. Loaded the car and headed to the vet.
5. Upon arrival to the vet, Gus jumps out and tries to make his get-away. But with my cat-like reflexes, I stepped on the leash and about broke his freakin' stupid ass neck brought him gingerly back to me. Meanwhile Andy was crouching in the 3rd seat which meant I had to crawl over the seat and cuss him out while I man handled sweetly coerced him to the seat next to the door.

6. I place him under my arm and attempt to enter the vet's office. The office has these posts in the front to resemble hitching posts. Gus, the brainiac, decides to wrap himself around the post about four times before I finally make it around the corner.
7. After kicking and pushing nudging him lovingly with my foot, I finally managed to get him and Andy inside.
8. With sweat poring off and my hair a giant frizzball, the tech looks at me and and says, "Rough day?" to which I respond, "I effin' HATE these dogs. Oh, of course not. These dogs complete my life."
9. I dropped them off to her and when she asked me when I would be picking them up I told her never Monday.

So after composing myself, I was off to check my children out of school. Cooper's school was closest, so I went to sign him out first.They were in the middle of lunch and after scanning for 45 minutes all the uniformed pupils, I finally found my son eating a huge bowl of Pork 'N' Beans, which is always good traveling food. We had to get the janitor to unlock his classroom to retrieve his books and backpack which was an act of congress and headed to go get Claire at the Junior High. On the way there, Cooper informs me that since this is his first plane ride, he has written a Will and is leaving all his belongings to his friends in case he is killed in a plane crash. He left it on his teacher's desk to read to the class. How precious is that?!

We get to the airport early, I coach the kids on the protocol for the airport. I discussed not saying anything about bombs, or explosions, or terrorists, yada, yada. Told them about taking off their shoes and keeping up with their boarding pass. When I made the reservations, I was not sure which birth certificate I had and which their dad still had, so I made the tickets out for their original names, Linda and Scott. So I am telling the kids, they will ask you what your names are and these are the names you tell them. So Cooper is in line saying, "Scott Scott Scott" under his breath and when the guy takes his boarding pass, he asks the child, "What's your name, son?" to which the child responds, "Cooper." And Claire leaves her boarding pass in the gift shop and almost doesn't make the boarding because I make her run and get it.

The trip was very fun. meeting Georgie and getting to visit with her on Friday and all day Sat was WONDERFUL!!!! Dawn was hilarious on Friday night and had sooooo much to drink that she tried to pay for her drink twice.(I'm so kidding, she couldn't even finish the one drink she had. She asked me like 46 times, "Does my face look flushed? I am having a weird reaction to the tequila." to which I had to tell her my that-nasty-crap-makes-me-puke stories) But she did try to pay twice. And Jenn and Melissa were adorable and so funny!

Tulsa was absolutely GORGEOUS and the CLEANEST town we had ever seen. My kids kept commenting that there were no homeless people and no trash like in Dallas. The kids had never been to a Catholic wedding and Rick had to pay Cooper $10 to be still and not squirm or talk. I was cracking up the entire time watching Cooper mimic everything my good little Catholic husband was doing during the Mass. Cooper was miffed when I wouldn't let him go get communion, but the $10 won me another 15 minutes of uninterrupted boredom sitting through the final part of the wedding. The reception was beautiful and they had a chocolate fountain to which Cooper was banned by Rick from partaking in because he tried to stick his head with his wide open mouth under it. I am sure he was mocking what he saw me do at the last wedding...

Now, with the vacation hangover, I have a million loads of laundry to do and a house to clean before I go get the damn much-missed dogs. Peace out!

24 comments:

Mamahut said...

I have no idea how I got over here first...der? I lost my entire blog roll and I was stealing your blog add. from someone else, and waaaallaaa here I am first to comment.

I absolutely love going on vacay. I absolutely hate getting ready and cleaning up after the vacay. :)

Possibly you could "ooops I forgot those silly dogs" and have a little mini vacay w/o licking dogs.

binks said...

I swear, my dog was the biggest spazz ever. She is gone and I swear up and down that she was the first and the last dog I will ever have.

Aren't kids fun to travel with?? Mine is usually in the bathroom & the plane is about to taxi away.

Glad you had fun, but te-kill-ya? No thanks. But we can talk about Vodka, Rum......

Annie said...

Darn leash! Sounds like a good trip, after the pork and beans enclosure!

Tenakim said...

sounds like fun!

Shelley said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha heee heee hee hardy har har. That's me laughing about your dogs and your comments that have been stricken out. I love your blog.

Julie said...

Sounds like SOOO much fun! Except for the dog part. I know when I've boarded mine, I wait until the last possible second before the vet closes to go pick them up. Baby, I get my money's worth and cherish every second I have without them!!!

Kritta22 said...

When are you getting rid of those mutts? Try craigslist.

If I be good during Mass, can I have $10 too?

gingela5 said...

There is nothing I dread more than taking both of my dogs out ANYWHERE at the same time. I can't do it alone so I applaud you for doing it by yourself! Sounds like you all had a blast!

Deb said...

I know your trying to color the trip to make it sound like you had fun when in fact you missed me so much it just was impossible to enjoy yourself. Just go ahead and admit it, you'll feel better afterward.

I have news regarding F&L and I will post about it this week (maybe Wed).

nikkicrumpet said...

Crap....I should always pee before I read one of your posts...otherwise the laughter thing ain't all that funny! I loved the bit with the dogs....I could see the whole thing happening in my head (and you're right...your hair was a bit frizzy). Glad you had a good time. But dang that's alot of work for a wedding...tell them next time to elope and you'll give THEM the ten bucks!

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Aren't they precious? (Talking about your four legged furbabies!) Sam, the one eyed fat boy (his a dog people...not a person) has to always poop on the sidewalk when going for a walk. Plenty of grass or dirt but he chooses to do it when all the cars are passing by, joggers jumping over his poop and his arched body. Gotta love their loyalty.

So glad you had such a great time! I would've been turned upside down too, with the chocolate fountain.

Jenn And The City said...

You had more fun getting to the wedding than you did at the wedding, didn't you.
You need the dog whisperer.
Jenn

Scary Mommy said...

Sounds like fun, most of it! My dog is a spaz too . She drives me nuts.

Rhonda said...

Okay, I think I darned near fell off my chair at the never part! I have to say, I missed you on Friday, but that was definitely worth the wait!

Marcie said...

Your blog is hilarious! Thanks for giving me a laugh in a very stressful moment (beautiful daughter can't find her volleyball uniform and it is our fault cause we cleaned her room!) anyhow I digress....I boarded our dogs once; they were traumatized for an entire week after we picked them up and had the runs all over the house....so just a fyi beware!

Dawn said...

I'm glad you liked our little city! That's the comment we always get from people coming through, "it's the cleanest city."

Yep, I'll admit it, I did try and pay twice!!

I figured out the next morning that I've been using an ointment on my face and I'm guessing that it reacts with alcohol because that is exactly where it was burning. It was freaky!!!

I loved your family! Cooper is a really great kid!!

Ronda's Rants said...

Fun...Fun...Fun... Okay...I have missed something Why don't your children know their names?
One time when our oldest was 16 and we were coming back from Honduras and they stopped us in Miami Customs and asked the dark skin boy his name and he said Jose...Funny kid...I almost gave him away!

Jenni Jiggety said...

What a fun trip!!! I loathe wrangling my dogs to take them to the vet....ugh....

Insane Mama said...

Cooper made a will? That is the cutest thing I have ever heard.

amelia bedelia said...

I'm crackin' up. you've got to teach me how to do that mark out thingy.

Suzann @ Lavender and Roses said...

Hi! this is my first time reading your blog and I gotta tell you - you're a hoot. I will definitely be back. I'm going to go and read about those lovely MIL stories (mine is just a gem ~ that's code for witch). Thanks for the giggles.

Darlene said...

I came to visit from NikkiCrumpet's blog and you are hysterical!!! What a fun story!

georgie said...

I am still crackin up about cooper sayin 'scott,scott,scott then COOPER' Oh my!

We had such a GREAT time-it is hard to find the right words-Claire and Cooper are great beans!!! Rick is a great man and you my darling are supercalifragilisticexpelidocious

oh and I am still lmao@the pics of the sleeping mens below

Justine said...

Oh Lord, I''m soooooooooooooooooo glad I found you Jill Jill. This was thoroughly entertaining!

Justine :o )