My Trip In A Giant Nutshell

I know I missed posting my weekly B&M session on Friday and I apologize. Getting ready for my trip to Tulsa definitely qualified for a specific Bitch and Moan, all in itself.


I had to take the dogs to the kennel for boarding. (Believe it or not, again, my precious dogs are part of the B&M equation.)


1. I got out both leashes for the transfer of said canines.
2. I put Gus, the wonder idiot, on his and waited to put Andy, the neurotic one on his until I was ready to walk out the door.
3. In a matter of 3 minutes one of them(they aren't confessing which one) took Andy's leash and hid it somewhere in my house. I scoured the house for 10 min before finally picking Andy up and carrying him football style, tucked neatly away under my arm.
4. Loaded the car and headed to the vet.
5. Upon arrival to the vet, Gus jumps out and tries to make his get-away. But with my cat-like reflexes, I stepped on the leash and about broke his freakin' stupid ass neck brought him gingerly back to me. Meanwhile Andy was crouching in the 3rd seat which meant I had to crawl over the seat and cuss him out while I man handled sweetly coerced him to the seat next to the door.

6. I place him under my arm and attempt to enter the vet's office. The office has these posts in the front to resemble hitching posts. Gus, the brainiac, decides to wrap himself around the post about four times before I finally make it around the corner.
7. After kicking and pushing nudging him lovingly with my foot, I finally managed to get him and Andy inside.
8. With sweat poring off and my hair a giant frizzball, the tech looks at me and and says, "Rough day?" to which I respond, "I effin' HATE these dogs. Oh, of course not. These dogs complete my life."
9. I dropped them off to her and when she asked me when I would be picking them up I told her never Monday.

So after composing myself, I was off to check my children out of school. Cooper's school was closest, so I went to sign him out first.They were in the middle of lunch and after scanning for 45 minutes all the uniformed pupils, I finally found my son eating a huge bowl of Pork 'N' Beans, which is always good traveling food. We had to get the janitor to unlock his classroom to retrieve his books and backpack which was an act of congress and headed to go get Claire at the Junior High. On the way there, Cooper informs me that since this is his first plane ride, he has written a Will and is leaving all his belongings to his friends in case he is killed in a plane crash. He left it on his teacher's desk to read to the class. How precious is that?!

We get to the airport early, I coach the kids on the protocol for the airport. I discussed not saying anything about bombs, or explosions, or terrorists, yada, yada. Told them about taking off their shoes and keeping up with their boarding pass. When I made the reservations, I was not sure which birth certificate I had and which their dad still had, so I made the tickets out for their original names, Linda and Scott. So I am telling the kids, they will ask you what your names are and these are the names you tell them. So Cooper is in line saying, "Scott Scott Scott" under his breath and when the guy takes his boarding pass, he asks the child, "What's your name, son?" to which the child responds, "Cooper." And Claire leaves her boarding pass in the gift shop and almost doesn't make the boarding because I make her run and get it.

The trip was very fun. meeting Georgie and getting to visit with her on Friday and all day Sat was WONDERFUL!!!! Dawn was hilarious on Friday night and had sooooo much to drink that she tried to pay for her drink twice.(I'm so kidding, she couldn't even finish the one drink she had. She asked me like 46 times, "Does my face look flushed? I am having a weird reaction to the tequila." to which I had to tell her my that-nasty-crap-makes-me-puke stories) But she did try to pay twice. And Jenn and Melissa were adorable and so funny!

Tulsa was absolutely GORGEOUS and the CLEANEST town we had ever seen. My kids kept commenting that there were no homeless people and no trash like in Dallas. The kids had never been to a Catholic wedding and Rick had to pay Cooper $10 to be still and not squirm or talk. I was cracking up the entire time watching Cooper mimic everything my good little Catholic husband was doing during the Mass. Cooper was miffed when I wouldn't let him go get communion, but the $10 won me another 15 minutes of uninterrupted boredom sitting through the final part of the wedding. The reception was beautiful and they had a chocolate fountain to which Cooper was banned by Rick from partaking in because he tried to stick his head with his wide open mouth under it. I am sure he was mocking what he saw me do at the last wedding...

Now, with the vacation hangover, I have a million loads of laundry to do and a house to clean before I go get the damn much-missed dogs. Peace out!