Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Ants Go Marching

Thank you so much for all the birthday wishes you sent Rick's way yesterday!!!

Last night after his birthday dinner, we drove thru our automatic gate that has had issues since we moved in, Rick had me drop him off to turn off the sprinklers and check the gates.

Fifteen minutes Rick comes in freaking out, telling me he has been attacked by ants. I am stripping off his clothes, thinking this is not how I pictured this evening of birthday sex. (Well, the ant part). He jumps into the shower, I grab the Benadryl , and he begins to re-enact the attack. He is telling how they climbed on his flashlight and somehow got onto his face. They stung his lips wrists and hands. I am picking up his clothes with a hanger so I don't have to take the chance of one of those SOB's getting on me, making me scream and move fast.

His upper lip swelled and he was still able to breathe, but he soon tired out as I made him recite "Popcorn shrimp, sweet 'n' sour shrimp, coconut shrimp" over and over to make me laugh. His upper lip was enormous and he kept trying to talk all serious about stuff and I had to close my eyes when I turned my head to listen to him. I couldn't look. Nothing he was saying was sinking in. I just kept seeing Martin Short in Pure Luck as he swelled after his bee sting. Compassion is not my strong suit.

He is fine today and he left for work with a smile plastered on his face, thanking his lucky stars it wasn't my lips that were swollen last night...

Men and bugs. sigh...

43 comments:

Soxy Deb said...

And thank god that they didn't get in his pants. Oh what a sad, sad time that would have been.
Way to "cowboy up" for the birthday sex Jill. Did you wear spurs?

Ronda's Rants said...

OMG...How funny... not poor Rick but poor Rick doing Martin Shortt! Okay that didn't come out right...but that was funny! I am glad he is happy and better...and you are always welcome!!!

georgie said...

Having met Rick-I can so see you having him give you a comedy show for the nite-and LMAO@debs comment

Glad he is better and Happy Belaed Birthday to the B-Day Boy!

Annie said...

Way to liven up a birthday!

Danielle said...

Bubba Rick's Shrimp, eh?

Mrs Parks said...

Attacking Ants?
Eeeeeww.

Do they chase you, or is it a sneak atack?
I may have to Google this.

Jennifer Suarez said...

LMAO! I'm sorry to hear he got stung but OMG that was a hilarious story!!

Have I told you how much I love you for making me laugh so often? Well I do.

gingela5 said...

Haha how funny! Tell him happy belated birthday from me! I would have used that to try to get OUT of bday sex! haha

Nicole said...

OMG that was funny. I am still laughing as I am typing this!!! LOL. Not what I was expecting, I thought he was joking to get you to strip him down for other reasons!!!

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

OMGosh that was FUNNY. Jill you flippin' always give me a good laugh! I am disappointed that no night vision goggles were used last night. You should have had them on like you were on a rescue mission to save your man from attacking ants! The shrimp thing was too funny...Poor Rick!!

Dawn said...

I am cracking up at you making him say all those shrimps!! Too funny.

I'm glad he is okay!! :)

Marla said...

i kept thinking this was a dream you were sharing... where on earth do you live with man eating ants!

Tiffany said...

Is he from Bayou la Batre Alabama? LOL

And I hope your chillren weren't around when you stripped him down. LMAO

Debbie said...

Bless his heart. I'm glad it wasn't worse. You good wife, you!

Megryansmom said...

I fail to find the humor in that..no I lied, I'm LMAO, sorry Rick, but I am wiping tears from eyes at your expense.

Julie said...

OMG. Warn me not to have my mouth full when I start reading your blog.

I'm not sure what made me laugh the most, the visual of the ants or the shrimp thing or that last little comment about YOUR lips not being swollen...

You go, girl!

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Nothing like having a memorable birthday!! Ants that sting? How in the heck did you get rid of them?

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

Poor Rick! Oddly, we've had an invasion of ants. Orkin's been out twice in the last week, so I know his pain to some degree. At least ours don't bite.

Kritta22 said...

Poor guy!!
I'm with Deb here, thank Heaven they didn't get in his pants!
Thanks for sharing but not too much sharing! You are so great!

J'Ollie Primitives said...

Poor Rick ~ hahahahaha
Poor poor Rick ~pointing & laughing.
That really bites......OK now I'm getting lame....get it get it bites hee hee.

I love it that he had to recite all the shrimp words just for your amusement. What a guy!

Suzann @ Lavender and Roses said...

okay, I cannot even tell you what MY mind thought. Yes, I tend to sink low sometimes. LOL. I guess a good birthday was had afterall???

nikkicrumpet said...

Nothing like a sweet, supportive, compassionate wife!! POOR RICK...alright I admit it ... I laughed too. Sounds like you took his mind off those blasted ants for him...hence the smile this morning. Have a great day...and Rick...thanks for the giggles!

Swirl Girl said...

I have so many visual images with this you have no idea!

maybe he's allergic to all that shrimp...and the ant story was just a ruse.

Candid Carrie said...

What's with all this "good thing they didn't get in his pants" business.

Hello ... regional swelling! ! !

Gives an entire new meaning to that Hasbro game "Ants in the Pants" doesn't it.

Misplaced Country Girl said...

That sounds really painful but, I can't stop laughing. I'm a terrible person.

Jenni Jiggety said...

What the heck kind of ants do you have around there? Yikes!

LuckyMe said...

I'd be too freaked out to share a bed with him. Poor guy!

Sounds like you made him forget all about it and salvaged the birthday night!

You are a good wife!

manic mariah said...

Men are chicken shits when it comes to bugs!!

QueenofPlanetHotflash said...

My ex had that happen to him too, we all called him Monkey boy for two days
spurs and swelled lips a porn movie title?? LMao

Eudea-Mamia said...

Oh, you bad girl you.

And I'm laughing at all the commenters who aren't familiar with fire ants - actually I'm in awe. I HATE those damn things.

Em

Deb said...

Wouldn't the Benadryl have knocked him out before he got the birthday lovin'?

stalkermom said...

Glad to hear everything turned out ok!

Janie said...

Yikes. I'm behind on blog reading.

Send my belated birthday wishes to Rick, specially since he's gonna be building my new house, right?

x said...

An ants in his pants Birthday of sorts, happy bday to Rick!

So funny. I had a crazy birthday last week. First my hubby surprised me with a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings from www.idonowidont.com then he and I watched chick flicks all night.

I had no idea he could sit through Pretty Woman!

Lisa L said...

ant bites. omg. i hope he's ok..those bites tend to go all blistery with exudate and all...poor, poor, guy. Day-um.

Mamahut said...

Well happy belated Birthday Hubby! Do you think hubby would reenact for you to video it for us? Not the stripping part, gawd I can get a strip tease from my own crazy hubby...

Deb said...

sounds like he's going to be hunting those ants down from now on. you leave me speechless, once again.

sounds like his birthday turned out JUST FINE.

Justine said...

Nope, I'm not gonna ask what your lips were doing last night! I'm just not gonna go there. Okay, what were they doing? I can't help myself! LOL
Ow, those damn fire ants SUCK!!!!!!! I'm assuming they were fire ants, because those bastards just SWARM on ya! Wish you would have taken some pics of his swollen lip though. Sure does sound funny.

Justine :o )

Justine said...

Oh, but Deb, imagine if they did get in his pants! Hell, if they made his lip swell out to here, imagine what they'd do with, well, you know... down there! Heeheeheeeeee

Justine :o )

Miss Anne said...

Meow!

Look at you sassypants!

:) Glad it was a great birthday... sans the ants!

Brenda said...

Having Rick say all of those shrimps is just too darn funny!

GinGin said...

Jill, you are so crazy!! I understand those damn ants. They piss me off, and I always seem to be standing in them where ever I am. But, man to get them on your face. Sound like you took care of your man, though, good job. Amy's book is so cute. Is it finished. I just love it. Thanks for the comment about Wes' outfit. He and Grayson have so much in common. Halloween costumes and wonderful Grandmas. I kept him this afternoon and night as Shan and Jack have the stomach bug. This is his first time to stay with us over night. He is laying right beside me sound asleep, as we're sharing Aunt HOLLY'S bed tonight. I love to read you blog and get a laugh as often as I can. School keeps me too busy, and crappy parents make me mad.

Brenda Jean said...

BAHAHAHAHAHA Have you seen the movie Hitch? There is an allergic reaction scene in it that I just cackle at every stinkin time I watch it.

Poor guy...glad it wasn't along lasting thing.