Saturday, November 8, 2008

Crotch Shot

To the golfers that were playing hole 7 behind my house early this morning:

I apologize for inadvertent crotch shot you received from me. I was trying to enjoy the early morning weather and the steaming cup of coffee when my spasticness caused me to spill my coffee down my new snowman gown and then almost tip backward in my rocking chair.

My OB/GYN told me 20 years ago to not sleep in panties to reduce the yeast infections. Just FYI, I have never had a yeast infection since.

I promise any hole(s) shot you got besides the anticipated one on the golf course, was just lucky for you. I normally do not give them out if I am not wearing your ring. Please forgive me and do not expect any further shows.

I am now taking my overweight self with 3rd degree burns inside to put on pants and have facial reconstruction surgery in case I see you at the grocery store. But I am pretty sure you weren't looking at my face.

Sincerely,

51 comments:

Ronda's Rants said...

Nice Jill....but your Mother always told you to wear clean underwear didn't she?

We live on a lake...sometime fishermen get more than the fish for around here!

Jay @halftime lessons said...

I am frickin crying over here.

Debbie said...

They are probably very grateful to you for adding a little spice to such a boring game!

Kritta22 said...

LOL Seriously the tears are rolling down my face!

Mrs Parks said...

I TOLD you to wear your UNDERPANTS!

Now a bunch of poorly dressed old white men have seen your goods.

I wish I was you SSS, I know what I'd get you for Christmas.

Mrs4444 said...

OMG, Jill! That's hilarious!! Good thing I wasn't holding a cup of coffee when I read it! Bravo, Friend.

Annie said...

Jilldo,
I'm sure you upped their game chat for the day. Good deed done.
Annie

georgie said...

LMFAO-oh lordy...jess just said 'some strange boys saw jills po-po?' dear thanks for the giggle jill!

Swirl Girl said...

That gives new meaning to the expression ' A hole in one'

ps- why did the golfer get new pants? Because he had a hole in one!

Anonymous said...

hey, no need to apologize... it was great - awesome in fact - and we'll be back next week same time if you're so inclined.

Linda S said...

that was me...you don't have perverts lurking...well, you may, but I don't think they saw your hoohoo!

The Mom said...

OMG! that's too funny!

nikkicrumpet said...

OH.......MY...........HECK! I haven't laughed that hard in I don't know when. I won't have to do an ab crunch for the rest of my life....all the belly laughing has given me a 6 pack. You are a SCREAM! And not just when you spill coffee. I love you...there I said it. And I don't care if that makes me strange and a bit creepy. You're just freaking to much fun!

Half of the Style Sisters said...

OH my gosh...LOL LOL that is hysterical but I hope you are o.k.

LOL LOL LOL that was the best.

Scary Mommy said...

OMG, that is freaking hilarious!!! When I was NINE MONTHS pregnant with Ben, our house was being renovated. I was in the glass shower and look out the window to see three guys at my eye level working on the windows. I just stood there in total shock for way too long. It was AWFUL!!!

LuckyMe said...

you are so witty!

Deb said...

how many rings do you wear? don't you just have 10 fingers like everybody else?

so you really believe that whole no panties thing or do you just use it as an excuse? my mom told me the same thing, but i just can't go there.

hope you are coming up with a name for our club!

Nicole said...

Something you will always remember! It makes for a good story now and in 20 years!! LOL

Outnumbered2to1 said...

Why do you think they raised the green fees? The view was in demand.

Janie said...

Oh, girl, you always make me laugh. I was showing some people how Zanna always retrieves the frisbee and chunked it out hard for her - so hard I...ummm...passed gas.

We all had a good laugh.

But, yeah. It was embarrassing.

Julie said...

Look on the bright side, if they're looking at your face they won't recognize you. Unless of course you've grown a beard today.

Jenni Jiggety said...

Nicely done, Jill! LOL! Now all the golfers are going to be loitering around you house!

Tiffany said...

Ah Jill. You are always such a great source of TMI. I'm sure your mom would rather you discuss THIS than saying shit a bunch of times. LMAO

Mamahut said...

Go back out in the morning and see if they came back! Take the video camera k? That's a bummer about your new snowman robe. ;)

Just to make you feel better, I was out feeding in my jammies the other morning...no bra...crocks on the feet...coke bottle glasses on and a truck full of lost hunters pull up and ask directions. I wanted to die and move.

Tenakim said...

We also have a golf course that have seen some "love" from me, but not WITHOUT UNDERWEAR for pete's sake! Can you find out if their game improved at that point?

Sidney (Sixy Mama) said...

Great ending to my day!!

Hey...don't worry about calling me back.....................................................................................................

Justine said...

Kinda gives new meanting to the term, "Hole in one", doesn't it? I'm sorry, Jill, but I must tell you that, unlike me, you have NO class. ROFLMAO!!!!!!! Put on some damn panties! The hoo hoo doesn't need THAT much air-time!

Justine :o )

Justine said...

Oh shit, was just reading the comments and saw that me and Swirl Girl had the same thought!

Justine :o )

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I'm sure they slowed their golf game down really slow to watch the next peek preview.

Weren't you told to put on clean and non holy undies in case you end up in the emergency room and you wouldn't be embarrassed? That's what my mom told me!

Farrago said...

Damn! Just when I think I'm finally through with the game and can toss my clubs, you post this!

And, for what it's worth, I don't wear panties to sleep in, either.

Ginger said...

Cute Post!!!!!

J'Ollie Primitives said...

why am I thinkin theres going to be a traffic jam at hole 7 tomorrow...did today's crowd at least have the decency to applaud?

AJ said...

Well, I just about spit my cappucino on the computer screen:) Totally sounds like something I would do.

Jenn And The City said...

So that's what is so fascinating about golf. I've always wondered. Now I know.
Jenn

Jenni Jiggety said...

I hope your crotch burns are better today and I have a really SWEET award for you!

QueenofPlanetHotflash said...

wonder if they allowed do overs on that shot lmao

Soxy Deb said...

My doctor told me the same thing - so I do Al Fresco too, just not on the golf course. Everywhere else though.
Coffee really doesn't have the same effect when not taken internally does it?

Rhonda said...

OMG! OMG! I have no words, which is so rare for me! I'm laughing way too fricking hard to come up with a single witty comment!

GNO Gals, Jyl and Carissa said...

a little church chat over your way here I see too! Ha! Oh my dear, now we know it all about you.


As for your bag order??!! I'm still a go until Dec. 1st to take orders. If you are serious let me know!

LadyFi said...

ROFL! Hole in one!

Deb said...

You know you gave them the thrill of their lives!! I hope your lady parts aren't too burned!

Threeundertwo said...

Hilarious. Sooo - is it slouchy hats and dark glasses at the grocery store from now on?

dana wyzard said...

I've always wondered how not wearing underpants to bed helped with not getting yeast infections.

Maybe if you slept with your legs outside the window so some fresh air could circulate, I could understand. But then, I do just fine using my personal portable fan. OUCH!

gingela5 said...

haha...I'm sure those golfers were loving it! I'm sure their score went dramatically UP on that hole (pun totally intended)

Jennifer Suarez said...

LMAO! You are too funny!

PS - My OBGYN gave me the same advice. Me (and hubby) find it to be quite sound (and fun!) advice.

sassy stephanie said...

Ha ha ha. I doubt you need to apologize to any man that caught a peek.

jsprik said...

hahahahaha **deep breaths** hahahah
ok, i'm done. so sorry about that, i do hope you are ok!! i guess you're going to have golfers out there 24/7 from now on, huh?? lol hugs and prayers...

Diva Ma said...

HA HA HA AHA HAHA AHA HAAA!!! Trust me, unless you go shooping naked, they won't know you if they saw you again!

binks said...

First the curtains and now this. I think I see a pattern forming here.
Me thinks that your secret passion for pole dancing is starting to shine through.

NucMEd is Hot said...

I'll bet they talked about that hole in one all day long!

Tony said...

I just spit coffee all over my screen laughing. Thats just plain funny, I don't care who you are.