Doing a Line

As scheduled, my weekly bitch and moan for the week:



Dear person ahead of me in the 20 items or less line,



If you are going to stand there and think that I, the person with 2 items, AM NOT going to scan your half full basket holding 35 items, possibly 36 under the bath towels, you are sadly mistaken.



Don't give me that look, when I make eye contact, that tells me you want me to say something to you ABOUT those 35, possibly 36, items, because quite frankly, bitch, I might. But you do look rather mean with your self-made sleeveless T-shirt and cut-off shorts. And I, even though so not athletic, possibly could outrun your scarred up, dilapidated flip flop wearing, bird legs. I know we can discuss this as mature adults.



I would not even give it a second thought if you had even 21 items in your basket. But 35, possibly 36?! Come on!!! I saw you look at the sign, look in your basket and obviously NOT count how many things you had, not know how to count or read, or not even care that you were disobeying the unwritten law of the "20 Items or Less" line and assume they didn't mean you or you would have changed lanes.



I am a rule follower-written and unwritten. I go the speed limit, wear my seatbelt, come to complete stops, don't cut in line, and don't crowd the person ahead of me in line. And I know my Line Etiquette. Some my mother taught me, some I figured out on my own.



You on the other hand, are rude and uneducated not versed on Line Etiquette. Let me get a pen and paper and draw it out assist you.



You are probably the same person who puts your stuff on the conveyor belt WITHOUT putting the divider bar made to separate my groceries from yours, which makes me have to stand there and make sure I don't get charged with your crap items, BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO BUSY SCANNING THE NATIONAL INQUIRER TO PAY ATTENTION. That is not proper.



And, if you want keep what little teeth are in your head are are polite, step back when I put my PIN number in or sign my name. You make me nervous and I automatically assume you are going to roll me in the parking lot when I leave and steal my card. That is rude.



When you have a ton of items in your basket (like you do today) and are not in any hurry and the person behind you has 1 or 2 items, it's polite to let them go ahead of you. especially if they are old, or their item is heavy, or they give you the look that you are a f'n idiot and apparently can't count.



When you hear the person behind you gasping and grunting because it's hard for them to hold their 2 big items, don't turn around and look at them with that "Go get a basket" look, because for your information, there weren't any baskets available when they came in. That is cruel.



And I also want you to know, heifer precious, that I saw that you were completely entertained that I was having to wait on you as you hummed when you piled all your worthless shit purchases on the short counter, taking your sweet time, and adding a package of gum and 2 candy bars, which brought your total items to 38, because lucky for you, that was a sales flyer in your basket under the towels.



And thank you for leaving your basket right in the line AFTER I put my items on the counter. You are a bitch sweetheart. There may be hope for your worthless good for nothing ass you yet.

Sincerely,
The Lady behind you at Walmart