Friday, September 12, 2008

My weekly B&M

It's that time of the week!! The time where I have the opportunity to unleash all the bitchin' and moanin' I have pent up inside on all of you guys. Have your splash guards ready. You don't want this crap in your eyes.

I went Monday for a pedicure and a fill, just like any good diva does. Stress at work has put me in Lock Down and quite frankly, if I don't HAVE to talk to you, I am probably not going to. I really can't muster at this point even small talk. So to avoid lengthy conversations with my usual girl Savannah, I decided to just throw my money out of the window and go to a salon in the town I was working in.

********Now, before you go on reading, let me give you a little background on my bad working experiences with 4 of the Asian population. Basically, they cheated me and had me work sweatshop working hours and conditions and then decided not to follow thru with their end of the deal. Now I have some wonderful friends who are Asians and because I love them, race is not an issue. Because I loathe these four, meeting new Asians makes me leery and I get sucked into the typecasting more easily. I know I am terrible.**********

I arrive at the selected salon and the 2 girls inside were very friendly and very happy to see me come in, as I was their first customer of the day. I told them what I needed and one said, "Pick you color," for my pedicure. Normally I get the french, but since it was cool and Fall is approaching, I decided to go with color. My very hip and cool daughter had just gotten the newest craze with dark, almost black, polish on her toes. After my initial shock of the Gothic look, I decided it looked kinda cute and maybe I would try the dark thing.

I couldn't bring myself to even pick up the black polish, but the browns were close enough for me. So I chose a chocolate color and handed it to HER. I didn't get HER name, because, honestly I didn't care. She wouldn't even accept the polish I had chosen, and instead using her Vanna White skills, showed me a display of nail polish. "Dese the new colahs. Dese much better." Oh, ok, so I took a look. Nope. I liked what I had chosen better.
Me: "I like this one." Trying again to hand her the polish.
HER: "You like dese more. Go better wit your skin."
Me: "REALLY. This is the color I want." And maybe I did place it rather forcefully in her hand, but she took it.

She turned and began to yammer in her native tongue something that apparently was the War Cry to begin the Vietnam torture. She began by not heating the water or turning on the jets that make all the relaxing bubbles. Nothing. Not even smell goods sprinkled in there. Just water. I let this slide, thinking at least she wasn't going to boil my delicate white feet flesh off. My phone went off in my purse down on the floor beside me and I leaned to pick it up. She didn't offer to hand it to me, obviously amused that the short round white lady with her feet in the plain jane non-bubbly water might tumble out of the high throne she sat in.

Alrighty then. She is taking this color thing a little far! She began the sloughing and got a little carried away and I flinched. "Oh, dat hurt you?" she asked without even raising her head to look at me. No, precious, I was just admiring the cloud of dust that you created as you buffed off my entire layer of epidermis. I just nodded my head to none there with my 'don't make me kick your sweet and sour ass' look on my face.

Thankfully, another patron arrived and sat next to me. A wave of relief passed over me as I thought that she would be a witness if whatever-her-name-was decided to take the torture to the next level. The dust settled and she began the cuticle phase. She only made me whimper once, but couldn't hear me over her foreign rants to her co-worker next to her. Man, she is sooo cussing me right now, I thought.

Normally, at every other salon I have been to, when a patron moans in a good way, the employee continues to do whatever made that patron moan- for a long time. In the same spot. Oh no. Not mine. She hit a good place and out escaped the moan of "Awww, yeah, right there". She immediately stopped. Surely she did not just do that intentionally. Surely she thought it had hurt me. So she proceeds to a different area and finds another one of my g-spots there. "Mmmm," I said, closing my eyes for added dramatic effect. Again, immediate stop. I opened my eyes and was at this point pissed. "That felt good there. Do that place more." Okay, maybe I should have said please, and maybe I should have smiled. Regardless, she didn't do it more. She instead went to the top of my foot where no "good spots" live. By this time I am glaring at her. The lady next to me is asleep in her chair as her girl is rubbing and massaging with the oils and tenderness and love I longed for. It looked so good. I was almost salivating watching.

The torture continued as she slapped my fat calves a little harder than what I was used to and kneaded my doughy flesh with added vigor. Then it was time for the polish. Great. The whole reason she hated me. The color she didn't want to use. She tried to open it and couldn't. She said something to her co-worker (probably, "Can you open this ugly ass color that I think will look ridiculous on her fat lily-white feet?") but neither of them could get it open. I held out my hand to try and she slammed the color, as hard as I had done to her, in my hand. Touche. I tried with my right hand and tried again. Nothing. Left hand. Nothing. By this time I had resolved myself that if I had to bust the f'n thing open and she had to paint it on thru the broken chards of glass, I was GOING to have that damn color on my toes!!!

So I used my teeth. There. Opened! With teeth marks on the top. Good. Just in case the CSI/CIA people needed it for dental identification purposes when they find my charred remains in the alley behind the salon. She painted it on and she was not happy. I had no idea what she was saying, but I am pretty sure the words "murder", "lots of white meat", and "tastes like chicken" were said.

I was released from the chamber and went to pay. Needless to say, I, who have been crowned greatest tipper in the world, did NOT leave my captor anything but a dirty look.

I share that story to say this, when you perform a service for someone and expect monetary compensation for that service, you should try to strive for customer satisfaction. If you don't care about the customer, then get a new line of work. I know this personally. I serve people. I have to care for them and tend to their needs. It is job security when my customers are satisfied.

I don't care whether you work in retail, medical, personal, or financial areas- your job is to SERVE. Hence the word service. Please be kind. I am not asking that you ask me to dinner or even ask about my kids or how my day is going. Just have the right attitude. You are being paid by me to assist me. And freakin' be happy about it. Don't get all pissy when I want something you think I shouldn't have or don't want to do. Again, my money, my choice. The customer is always right. Most people don't abuse that privelege. If you do, shame on you, too.

Your attitude is crucial in whether or not your customer is happy.

And especially don't threaten to make eggrolls out of your customers.


Brittany said...

YIKES! But girl, where is the picture of your hot new toes!?!?!?!

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

OMFG.....I a dying over here.

I can totally relate, it is great when I go to pay and they see my last name being Nguyen and the look on their face is like Oh Chit, Whitey might have known we were talking chit.

Okay for some good humor go to youtube and type in Nail Salon Anjelah Johnson. She does such great skits about nail salons.

Tiffany said...

IGNORE the first commenter's request. And I LMAO at picturing you trying to open that bottle with your teeth. You savage beast! LOL

Anonymous said...

OK. Just water for your feet. Person bursting your skin cells with vigorous pumic stoning, and you using your TEETH on the same bottle THEY were trying to open. Ok. Call the CDC now.

amelia bedelia said...

sorry they beat you up sis. you should just do it yourself, like i do, then you won't have that problem.

Ronda's Rants said... has been that kind of week here..only it has been the bank. My Hubby needed some forms notarized and since most of our money is held hostage at BOA he went there. The gum popping teller said two was her limit as she covered the personal phone call attached to her ear with her hand. My Hubby said you are kidding...there is no one in here and she replied...It costs us too much money. He asks for a manager who backs this bimbo Hubby does what he usually does calls me to complain... and I do what I usually do...I call a bigger boss!
I was in banking for 15 years...basically all they have to sell is service...I think little Miss gum-popping, personal call taking, teller girl and her manager friend might want to consider whether BOA really needs that branch there or not!
Oh...sorry about your nail tech! Tee Hee!

Deb said...

Yeah!! What she said...the egg roll thing!!!

Ronda's Rants said...

Dear God...I forgot to ask are you all okay...Do you have any bad weather?

Blog Stalker said...

I am so sorry that your experience made me smile. I almost feel guilty about it. Anyway, That is my biggest peeve in the world. Don't get into a service oriented business if you have NO customer service skills or social skills in general.

Is that too much to ask?

Great post. It only takes two weeks to regrow your missing epidermis!

Swirl Girl said...

you should come to CA and meet my new luvuh...Anthony!

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Girl, you had me almost choke on my soda while reading this in my office. Your timing is truly funny because a part of my ongoing work projects is a medical program dealing with pain. One of the programs titles are: Fugu (I think personally it stands for you know what), Phantoms and Fire in the Feet. I do think she was trying to create the element, fire. Then she could say, "Ooo, rookee dare....white girl on fire. Quick bring the meat!"

Thank you for making my long day go by fast.

I'm glad I've found someone that has the same type of sense of humor that I have!

Mrs Parks said...

Ok first, hello and thank you for stopping by the Farm today!

You know everything you thought she was thinking she really was thinking.

I had a salon and did nails for many many years.
New clients could never understand why I charged $38.00 for a fill and you had to book your apt a month in advance.

It only took once for them to figure it out.

I had some clients who would book in January for the entire year so they were sure to have the times they needed.

The "chop shops" can be very scary......

I'm glad you went though, it was a GREAT story!

Deb said...

Wow. Sounds horrible. I am pretty picky myself about customer service. Pedicures are expensive too, so the service better be great!

Pics! We want pics!!

Pennies In My Pocket said...

I used to have an experience like this EVERY single time I would get my nails/toes done. Then we moved and found another shop...I FINALLY have a super super nice gal. Then, we moved AGAIN...yeah, I drive FAR to go to her defeating the purpose of going to a cheaper nail salon with the price of gas, but it's totally worth the lack of frustration. lol


QueenofPlanetHotflash said...

because your a better person than I.
I would have had a hissy fit about no smelly stuff lol

nikkicrumpet said...

I hate to laugh at your pain...but that was a well told and funny story! But where is the pic of your chosen nail color!

NucMEd is Hot said...

Nice work getting your color, at least you didn't bleed

Janie said...

Oh, my God. This is hilarious. Brings to mind that SNL episode about "pretty feets, pretty feets"...

Leslie said...

I have only gotten a mani and pedi by an asian once and it wasn't pleasant. I hope your toes look pretty. You went thru a lot to get them.

GinGin said...

I think you should have accidentally kicked her in the teeth!! It makes me so mad when they start talking in that choppy language and you know they are talking about you!!! The local ones here are pretty good and don't SEEM to be talking about you. Check out my experience last night.
Yeah we need a pic of your beautiful toes. Was this the place in Waxa?

Linda S said...

Thank God you weren't there for a Bikini'd be singing in a different octave!

gingela5 said...

Sounds like an AWFUL experience. I hate it when stuff like that happens. And the worst is when you don't know what they're saying! I always feel like they're talking about me!

Lisa L said...

Dearest Jill,

Please don't go to unknown pedicure places. I don't trust their universal precaution protocols. I just don't. The woman was a b*tch to you and hello? You didn't get what you paid for. I don't want to be a worrywart, but please...for the love of not go back there to that salon.

Lisa L said...

Oh, I just wanted to say... me and the hubby are coming to Austin in March to a Hospice meeting. I would love to get together ...I know Austin and Dallas are a long ways apart... but ..just putting it out there...lis

Carolina Girl said...

Omg! That is so awful and yet hilarious! Well, just the way you told it - but seriously that stinks. I bet your toes look great though :)

h2ofossil said...

Ya know....some days (weeks in this case) are just a waste of good make-up!

It makes me sad to hear that this was insult to injury....but it was a funny story!

Anonymous said...

I didn't understand a bit of that, but as my daughter just finished two years of school in Vancouver to learn to be a stylist in a salon, I will forward the link since it seems like there might be some good lessons learned there.

Misplaced Country Girl said...

I was reading this last night and was going to comment but the threat of a tornado rudely interupted me. I'm how should we say....stubborn, just like you and would have done the exact same thing with that color. Even if I would have had to run over the damn bottle to get it open she would have been out in the parking log painting my toes while picking out the glass and gravel. Way to stick to your guns!

BECK said...

how was your day?
i liked your blog
you are fantastic!!!

really nice blog
fabulous fantastic
take care
see you

BECK said...

how was your day?
i liked your blog
you are fantastic!!!

really nice blog
fabulous fantastic
take care
see you

georgie said...

my big toe says do NOT go to the nail salon chop shops! it is living proof of what can's bad I tell ya...and if i showed ya i'd hafta kill ya so no pics...

PLUS before the chop shops were really regulated they used some crap that "could" cause seizures I forget the name but at any rate I think that is how i got my seizure disorder...
now do as I say ...take your right arm and do the universal "duh" symbol by striking it repeatedly arcoss your chest while tryin to bite your ear....thats what happens to ya when you visit the chop shops...

Annie said...

I love you gnawed it open!

Anonymous said...

Oh no thats just not right! I can't stand people who are bad at the customer service thing because I worked retail and I hated it but I was loved by all my customers because I made sure they had a good day somehow. Torture is bad for business.

Elaine A. said...

"don't make me kick your sweet and sour ass..." HA HA HA!!!

Everytime I go to a salon here near the house the owner says "You need eyebrow wax!" Keep your opinions to yourself Missy! I like 'em bushy! ; )