Just want to thank you millions of fans for following me and supporting me as I did my first Guest Appearance on Deb's blog.
I got 313 comments!!! (pelvic thrusts towards Dooce)
Okay, only about 40 of those were LEGITIMATE ones, but 313 just the same. There was some taunting, Top Commenter battling, and our own version of Twittering going on there, but the whole idea that Deb would return back to her Hotel and find 313 comments to ME on HER blog made me wet myself. Really. We sort of blew up the site and switched to Twitter and that's where the converstion ended. Only because "Mean ol Deb" found where we were hiding and sent us all to our rooms. So if you have any extra time and nothing to do, I invite you go and read the comments and unravel the mystery of why I had to go change clothes midway through.
We have planned, unbeknowst to Deb, that we are meeting again same place at 8pm tonight. Click here to join us. I promise lots of fun and
I actually have a post today, and now that I am done advertising, I will get the show on the road!
Today, class I want to discuss NICKNAMES. Say it with me. NICKNAMES.
Now, some nicknames are specific to you and others, more vaguely generalized. The vague ones, such as "Boy", "Girl", "What's Your Face", and "Hey You" are mainly used when speaking in general to some one. Such as, "Hey, Boy, how much for the doggie in the window?" Or, "Girl, that dress is divine." We add more personalized meaning to nicknames like "Sweetie", "Honey", "Sugar Pie", or "Snookems" to show fondness. We say names like "Bozo", "Nimrod", "Douche Bag", and "Ass Hat" to show our scorn.
A nickname that sticks, such as "T.O.", "Boss Hog", "Princess", and "Big Mama" are given in adoration and is defined by our attitude, our job, or even the postion we hold.
Except for me.
I always wanted a cool "defining" nickname. Having a nickname meant I belonged to someone and that person calling me the nickname thought I was speacial enough to have one chosen. I was called corny names by my dad and grandparents like "Jilly Bean", "Jilljillbobill", "Jilldee" and sometimes even "Jillzee", but those, even though said in love, never were real nicknames. Was there a name that someone would call me that I never tired of?
NOPE. I got stuck with "JILLDO" by the same guy whom I had a major crush on, but then threw up on on the mountain in high school.
And there was "EAT". Now, remember I was fatty when I was young. Jr. high and high school, I was thin and hotttt. The nickname "Eat" was given to me by my crush's best friend. I was horrified. OHMYGODHETHINKSI'MFAT!!!!!!!!! OMGHE THINKSIEATWEIRD!!!!!! OMGWHATTHEF***DOES'EAT'MEAN?!?
Finally, after months of being called "Eat", "Spanky"(yep.HIS gaywad nickname) tells me why after all this time he and all his extremely much cooler friends call me "Eat".
"Do you remember when we went skiing?" He asked.
"Do you remember that I was feeling sick all the way there?"
"And we stopped on the side of the dark road to let Randy pee?"
"And you got out backward with your ass first and I was poring out my
"You are 'Eat'. Eat up with the dumb ass."
So whatever nickname you have been dubbed with and hate, it HAS to be better than the 2 I am still known by to my high school friends.
So quit 'cher cryin'!
Jilldo or Eat