My Weekly B&M

Let me preface this B&M by saying that just because it's about my husband does not it in any way reflect that I have bad feelings for him. He is the love of my life, as irritating as he can be!

I met Rick at the hospital while caring for his ill father. I was going thru a divorce, finishing the last semesters of my RN and working 40 hours a week. We were friends from the beginning and I got to know him on that level for 6 months before we began dating. He took me and all 5 of my kids and supported us emotionally, financially, and spiritually and willingly, and added my niece to that equation for over three years. He is the kind of man women wish their husbands were like. I thank God daily for him.

As perfect as he is, he still sometimes makes me do the death-stare-with-one-eyebrow-raised look, only with a slight grin. He unintentionally makes me laugh, which never gets old.

He never laughs out loud when he reads my posts. Now I have shared some of your posts with him and he laughs out loud. Cackles. Chuckles. And on Amelia's Nell Carter post, he cried laughing along with me.
But when he reads mine: n o t h i n g
I finish my post, slide my laptop over to him and go out on the back porch so I can watch him through the windows. He reads, he thinks, he adjusts his reading glasses, with no expression on his face. I usually tap on window and say, "Don't ya think that's funny?!" to which I get a quick nod. I have even gone as far as yelling, "Now THAT sh*t is funny! Why are you not laughing?!" to which he says, "I'm laughing on the inside" and pats his chest. He tries to make it up to me by coming outside with me and saying some ridiculous bullsh*t like, "You should write. That is really good. Does this mean we can't have sex tonight?" Is it asking too much for a grin? a chuckle? a nod of agreement? Hell, I am not expecting him to lay his head on the table and pound his fists while tears of laughter run down his face. Just give me something!

He is an "UMMMM" user. He runs a very successful construction company and has millions of things going on in his mind. I made a pledge to him after talking with him on the phone, that he is allowed only 3 UMMMs in one phone conversation. After the third "UMMM", I say, "LOVE YOU! CALL ME BACK WHEN YOU THINK OF WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY! BYE!" Here is an example of one of our conversations:
Rick: "Hey, honey. What are you doing?"
me: "About to walk into a patient's house. What's up?"
R: "Just wanted to ...ummm......see.......um.....Damn! I think I missed my turn!....um...Are you going to....um........Shit! There is no way I can get my trailer in there!...um.....Guess who I ran into today?"
me: "Honey, I have to go soon. Who did you run into?"
R: "........um......What's her name?"
me: "RICK! FORTHELOVEOFGOD spit it out! FOCUS!!! I have to go in and see someone sick with Alzheimer's."
R: "Okay, okay! Ya don't have to get testy! Call me when you are done. Love you. Bye."
me: "loveyoutoobye.

He is incredibly RANDOM: The Randomness of his conversations are hilarious. We can be in a group of people talking and visiting when he states, "18,765." All verbiage stops and all eyes are fixated on this man. "Sorry, Just figuring something in my head." And all conversation resumes as if this is common. And it is. Holidays, Parties, Vacations, you name it he is always thinking. I know you are wondering, and no, he has never moaned anything like that out when we are "busy". He is focused. But immediately following....it's "mumble mumble 9584, 24,780, mumble mumble." I just smile and ignore it.

He carries more junk in his pockets than the average woman carries in her purse. This man comes home and piles his computer bag down and puts his receipts, phone, earpiece, pens, pencils, credit card wallet, change, money, gum, chewing tobacco, wedding ring, watch, reading glasses and sunglasses into his cap. The cap sits over-flowing with his stuff and it takes him 10 minutes to pack it all up again when we leave the house. And cargo shorts may have gone out of style, but it beats him carrying a man purse, which is the next option.

He can sleep anywhere anytime. He works long hard hours and wherever he lights, he closes his eyes and his mouth drops open. It's a comfort to look over and see he is peaceful and resting. I have found him sleeping like a baby on his back on the hardwood floors his boys are installing, amidst the roar of the sander, the nail gun, and the loud Tejano music playing on the radio propped up in the window. If he gets still in one place for too long, he's out. Until his phone goes off and wakes him up. Going to the movies is NOT a fun date for us.

He has this obsession with jiggling my fat. All my fat. This is the peak of his irritating habits. With his open hand he cups me and jiggles and won't stop until I make him. He does it to my breasts, my legs, my butt, my arms, my pudge. He does it in passing, when we stand together, in the shower, when I cook, when I am on the phone, in the car, standing in line, etc. Wherever he can reach me, he is jiggling me. And since we've been married, he has about 20 lbs of extra fat to jiggle. It drives me bonkers.

So if he isn't asleep at the kitchen computer, looking thru his hat that holds his junk, talking on the phone saying "ummm" to someone else, not laughing at my posts, or randomly shouting out numbers, he is beside me, supporting me, encouraging me, loving me, helping me, and jiggling me. God, I love this man! I am not bitchin' or moanin' AT ALL.