Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I open my email and this is what is in my inbox today:

Crunchless Abs
Zone Pilates Team
One nutrient all women over 40 need
Get trim and fit for less
Generate your own stem cells
Diminish hunger and boost your mind

Bastards! How do they know I am fat, over forty, having memory issues, and may need my stem cells regenerated? Huh?!
God knows I don't ask for information from exercise places, shop at health food stores, order diet plans, nor have I ever clicked on a stem cell ad.

Alrighty, then. I am feeling quite chipper up until I realize that even my sightless computer has turned on me.
Then my skinny 20 year old calls me:
"Mom, can you go to GNC's and pick me up some 'Weight Gain'?"
"No."
"Huh? Why?"
"Because Trevor, I will go in there, find it, put it on the counter, and the guy will say,'DAMN! This stuff works! And I will be thrown in jail for murder. Not today."
"Okay then."
"Okay. Love you."
"Love you, too."
------------------------------

By the way, as you all know, as far as the Hottest Blogger Females Calendar, I am not in the top 12...yet. I have been advised to go on YouTube, advertise in the newspaper, and take extreme measures to get my name out there and solicit votes. So if you drive by the same homeless person under the bridge and he's holding a sign that reads "Vote for Jill Jill Bo Bill" drive on by and know I have taken care of him and his drinking problem and you are in the clear until Monday.

Now do what the bum said and vote!! Vote a thousand times. It may or may not count. But it's worth a try....





23 comments:

Mommie Mayhem said...

LOL......To funny!! Im going to head on over and give ya a vote !

Tiffany said...

I refuse to vote! I am in the middle of creating a non calendar hott blogger award. And I had to come see who you were cuz you and I read the same blogs. LOL

Insane Mama said...

I'll vote for you...leave the homeless man alone.

Ronda's Rants said...

I have voted twice...jeeze I thought Florida had voting issues!

Ronda's Rants said...

Okay...I would like to compete in the warm blogger award...okay I am laughing so hard I can't type! Thanks I am feeling much better...

jill jill bo bill said...

The beautiful thing is you don't have to compete. It's my calendar you are one of the chosen. And there's more than 12. I really don't want a page all by my lonesome, do you? Which month? Hurry, call dibbies!

The Mom said...

Weight GAIN, seriously..not fair. That would be the day....but then i'd probably be horrificly sick, so i don't wish for it!

Misplaced Country Girl said...

Thank God somone will be taking care of that homeless man besides me. It's cutting into my drinking money. I'm off to vote now.

Ronda's Rants said...

Okay...I want to be May! I am the month of May for the Warm Blogger Calendar! That's better than Cooling Off Calendar right?

Deb said...

I should get to be August cause my birthday is Thursday (did you know that?)

I got something reat pertie over at my place for ya :)

amelia bedelia said...

i want to be december...you know the more clothes the better.

georgie said...

Okay i voted and I promise tomorrow while at chemo I will grab every single old lady and old mans pc and vote for you then.... also-yanno middle bean DIDhave a nice laptop damn porn....but those old peeps know how to roll i tell ya! and since this was our second day they all wanna adopt me because when they get done before daddy i help them out to their car...one lil lady tried to give me a quarter...and since I was broke i wasnt even offended ;-) OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and Jill Jill Bo Bill I misssssssssssssssssssssss you tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

Well hell amelia bedilia wants to be friggin Dec andthat is soooooooooooooooooo my month BUT I guess since she is family an all she can have Dec OR we could split the page her in her greedy december devil horns and me in my white halo since I share well! LOL

jill jill bo bill said...

I want to have more than one on each page, so you two can do that!! That's funny!!! I am going crazy not talking to you, like we were in the 7th grade and you were Jeff Railsback. I am so proud of you for helping the old people and even for taking all their money. I need you to come market for my Home Health and make me lots of money. I will pay you more than a quarter. Interested?!
I will add a simpler way to vote tomorrow, but PLEASE do that. I will laugh knowing you are scrambling around asking people to sign in and vote.
Also, make plans for the 4th. It's Canton and I am trying to get Deb Vila down here then too. Amy and millions of others have said they want to come too. I love organizing!!!

kwr221 said...

Yoi mau have to borrow Happy Hour Sue's idea of recruiting all your Nigerian lottery friends to cast a vote for you.

Scary Mommy said...

... Off to check this calendar thing out! And you are way hot.

Tenakim said...

Fat, old, memory loss, and not hot enough- the world is just cruel, no?

h2ofossil said...

I want June and I ain't sharin with nobody!

Specially considerin that I spent all that money and ordered all those weight loss products and I am all slim again....

Now, where did I hide that yella poka dotted thing-a-ma-jig? Oh yeah....behind the over-sized (cover my pooch) sweater....

Now,quick take the damn picture before I die of hypoxia from suckin in my gut!

PS I voted and gave the homeless guy a cigarette in exchange for him going to the library to vote for you! Just doin' my part mam!

The Mom said...

THAT's what it's called (referring to the Buffalo Hump comment on my post today...i totally have the makings of that and i'm very self conscious about it now!

Insane Mama said...

I DID answer you...or so I thought I did. My kids are flying back alone. I will not be in Dallas until Thanksgiving time. Will you be around? Email me at
helpihaveateenager@gmail.com

Deb said...

well at least i am deb villa now and not bob anymore.
can i have august or not? stop ignoring me.

jill jill bo bill said...

Yes, Jen, Buffalo Hump it is.

Mariah-ok I will email you and yes I will be here Thanksgiving. I hope we get to at least meet!!!!

3D- August is all yours!!!!

Elaine A. said...

OMG the comment from the guy behind the counter at GNC... oh I am laughing so hard... Oh, Oh... gah you are funny girl!

h2ofossil said...

Hey girl!

Do I get June or what???

I better cause I can't seem to figure out how to pick up the lovely heart award....techno challenged....the pooch seems to have migrated to my brain!

Please e mail me and tell me how to pick up my award and remember to type really slooowwwlllyyy....I haven't had enough coffee to get the old noggin fired up!