I am having this huge dilemma.
My daughter, Claire, is 13 and hates going to see her dad on his visitation days. Now Claire is my calm, non-dramatic daughter, giving that award to her oldest sister. Other than the occasional emotional meltdown, she is your typical teenager with the slob-like tendencies to stuff dirty clothes wherever she can hide them so when I do the room check it appears clean, mumbling like a cartoon character and the non-stop texting of her friends. She is very intelligent (like scary smart) and we have such, deep conversations sometimes that when she asks me something, I can hear crickets chirping due to the deafening silence of ignorance on my end.
About a month ago she asks me if she has to go to her dad's on his weekend. She then tells me how her dad's wife treats her, putting her on a guilt trip for not living with them and some other things that made my blood boil. So, because I am so smart and have like 56 yrs experience in child psychology (NOT), I say, "Well, Claire, the judge said every 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend." (just state the facts,ma'am)
"But mom, Cassie said the judge told her when her parents got a divorce, when she turned 11 she could choose who to live with. So why at thirteen am I made to go to a place that I don't like or want to go to?!"
"You should call your dad." (pass the buck...)
"He won't answer his cell phone. He says it's for HIS use and if he wants to speak to someone, he will call them."
(Reason #473 that I am so glad I am not married to him anymore.)
"You need to talk to your father about how you feel. I bet you can work something out with him."
"Mom, come on. She makes the rules and he follows them. I can talk to him until I am blue in the face, but he is going to do whatever she tells him to do."
So she has avoided going to her dad's for three weekends now. She has had some legitimate "skip" excuses, but he is getting wise on her and said something to me about it yesterday when he picked up Cooper.
"Jill, I really need your support on this," after telling me I am setting her up to think she can make all the decisions in her life and that she is only thirteen and a child blah blah blah.
"You gave up your right to ask for my support when you filed for divorce six years ago, John."
So he slams his car door and leaves and goes to preach to his congregation of unsuspecting lambs, seething with anger and hate for me.
I walk back into my house and smile, proud of myself for standing up to him.
So, oh-wise-beyond-your-years Blog Buds, what is your opinion on this? Should I allow her to call the shots or should I make her go?