Monday, August 11, 2008

Sunday Funnies on Monday

I have no idea why I am hell-bent on telling you every embarrassing thing that has happened to me, but I laughed out loud at myself yesterday morning and wanted to further cement-in the fact that I am completely eat-up with the Dumb Ass.

Behind my house, about 300 yards away, is our closest-in-proximity neighbor whom I have never met. In fact, I have never seen her before yesterday. Our houses are separated with our iron fence, a street, and her iron fence.

I was outside on my back porch in my favorite rocking chair when I hear this never-before-seen neighbor scream, "LADY!"

Thinking that the world revolves around me, I immediately jump up and say, "Hi!" and wave. Only she doesn't hear or see me and she keeps yelling, "LADY!" right at me. So I begin to walk across my backyard towards her waving my arms and yelling back, "HELLO!" She is looking right at me, still yelling and becoming almost frantic. I begin to panic that she sees something I don't, like my house on fire or someone robbing me thru my side garage. So I begin to trot faster (fast for me) towards her, all the while looking over my shoulder to see what she sees in, or on my house.

I am close enough to her now I can see she has on her blue house coat with small white flowers or dots on it, her hair is jacked a little, and she has no makeup on her weather beaten face. Looking straight ahead right at me across the street that separates us she says again, "Lady!" At the moment my mouth was coming open and the words, "What's wrong," were in my throat, she bends over and scoops up this minute doggish thing, still looking straight ahead at me.
"There you are, you rascal!" my apparently blind and thankfully almost deaf neighbor says to her pet. She then turns and slowly makes her way back into her house never the wiser I was standing there after EXERCISING(sigh) and sweating from all that trotting over to her.

HMMM. She didn't want to say hello to me after all.
HMMM. Her dog was Lady.
HMMM. She never heard me saying 'hello' or saw me waving.
HMMM. I almost made a complete ASS of myself in front of the neighbor.

HMMM. I am a dumb ass and I am taking care of your sick loved ones.

(close eyes and shake head)


Kritta22 said...

LOL that's awesome! You should have walked up to her and was like what, is my house on fire? And then tapped her on the shoulder, "Hey lady what's your problem?" And started a fight with your blind and deaf neighbor! I would have laughed...a lot!!

Deb said...

I'm glad you agree cause "sis" sent me an email yesterday to that effect - your D.U.M.B.A.S.S. status that is. I was gonna tell on her for sayin it, but it seems you are quite ok with it. You even seem to revel in it a bit.

Stay away from the elderly Jill.

Ronda's Rants said...

You are too young to remember this but ...Jerry Lewis did a bit yelling "Hey Lady?" and every time I read that I could hear him saying it like that! It made it even funnier! You do not have a boring life!

jill jill bo bill said...

I am NOT too young to remember that and I~DID~THE~SAME~THING!!!! Note to self: Never hang out with Ronda in public unless wearing jail-appropiate clothing...will end up being arrested for Public Intoxication even if not drinking!

georgie said...

Oh Jill that is Hysterical-guess i will just pull up a chair and sit outside your blog to see what you will say next!

P.S. You sooo had me hooked with the torpedo post!

Janie said...

That's hilarious! I can just see that happening.

Leigh said...

Jill, I met you a bit on momdot last weekend and popped over here. :)

This post made me laugh, because when I was in nursing school, we had a couple girls that were such dumb asses, my best friend and I had a saying....

"If I'm ever in the hospital and *insert name of DA nursing student here* is my nurse, just call Hospice right away, please."

Things like trying to pull up meds in the syringe CAP, like one that had been laying on the counter. "I can't get it to work..." Really? You can't? or the girl who really believed, after 4 years in school, that women were pregnant of 40 MONTHS not WEEKS. I'm hoping that some of them never passed their boards.

Thanks for the giggles!

texasholly said...

Holy crap girl you are seriously funny.

To retaliate you totally need to name one of your dogs "Hey YOU!".