Sunday Funnies on Monday

I have no idea why I am hell-bent on telling you every embarrassing thing that has happened to me, but I laughed out loud at myself yesterday morning and wanted to further cement-in the fact that I am completely eat-up with the Dumb Ass.

Behind my house, about 300 yards away, is our closest-in-proximity neighbor whom I have never met. In fact, I have never seen her before yesterday. Our houses are separated with our iron fence, a street, and her iron fence.

I was outside on my back porch in my favorite rocking chair when I hear this never-before-seen neighbor scream, "LADY!"

Thinking that the world revolves around me, I immediately jump up and say, "Hi!" and wave. Only she doesn't hear or see me and she keeps yelling, "LADY!" right at me. So I begin to walk across my backyard towards her waving my arms and yelling back, "HELLO!" She is looking right at me, still yelling and becoming almost frantic. I begin to panic that she sees something I don't, like my house on fire or someone robbing me thru my side garage. So I begin to trot faster (fast for me) towards her, all the while looking over my shoulder to see what she sees in, or on my house.

I am close enough to her now I can see she has on her blue house coat with small white flowers or dots on it, her hair is jacked a little, and she has no makeup on her weather beaten face. Looking straight ahead right at me across the street that separates us she says again, "Lady!" At the moment my mouth was coming open and the words, "What's wrong," were in my throat, she bends over and scoops up this minute doggish thing, still looking straight ahead at me.
"There you are, you rascal!" my apparently blind and thankfully almost deaf neighbor says to her pet. She then turns and slowly makes her way back into her house never the wiser I was standing there after EXERCISING(sigh) and sweating from all that trotting over to her.

HMMM. She didn't want to say hello to me after all.
HMMM. Her dog was Lady.
HMMM. She never heard me saying 'hello' or saw me waving.
HMMM. I almost made a complete ASS of myself in front of the neighbor.

HMMM. I am a dumb ass and I am taking care of your sick loved ones.

(close eyes and shake head)