Tuesday, August 12, 2008

My Last 32 Hours

My last 32 hours:

3am- Awaken to loud knocking of door.
3:01- Face-to-face with police informing me my 15 year old niece has been arrested for curfew violation and needed to be picked up at station.
3:02-Feel blood pressure sky rocketing. Begin to search thru Britt's room to find clues.
3:16- Niece returns home with Rick still alive, no blood or broken bones.
3:40-Find out that Britt wants to go home to her mother because we are "too strict".
4:00- Read her confiscated journal, totally ignoring the right to her privacy, and learn that she has had sex with 3 different guys just since we moved here 8 months ago, sneaking out almost every night since summer started.
4:01-Realize she has single-handedly re-routed the alarm to the back door off the guest room that is never used so that the alarm is never triggered.
4:02- Begin to rethink I can handle and change her.
4:15- Contact her mother in Amarillo and tell her to come get her.
4:16- Decide I have done all I can do over a three year span for this lost little girl.
7am- Help her pack and supervise that she isn't taking any extras that she is infamous for taking.
8:30- Find out through more reading of her journal that the weekend we went to Amarillo and I let her stay the night with her mother, she and her got drunk together to celebrate her 16th b'day "in style" like most moms and daughters do...
8:31- Confront B with the entry of her journal and she says it's all true.
8:31-10:00- Discuss with her about what she is getting into by moving back in with her mother and how important graduating from HS and not getting pregnant is. Do the whole drug counseling, safe sex speech I have orated over the last 3 years AGAIN. Secretly feel relieved that my 13 y/o daughter and 12 y/o son won't be around this anymore.
10:01- Struggle with the guilt of giving her up and the fact she is doomed to fail in the environment I am allowing her to go back into. Wonder if I had adopted her 3 years ago if I would be sitting here doing the exact same thing I am doing.
10:02- Come to the conclusion she would have done the same stupid things, adopted or not.
1:30pm- Meet my sister and her husband at a gas station and give my niece to back to her.
1:31- Have to put gas in my sister's unairconditioned clunker because they have $40 to live on the next 2 weeks.
1:32- Secretly amused that Brittany really thinks she is better off with her mother in this life.
1:38- Give my sister $40 for another tank of gas to make it back, not giving them a dime more to eat on. See Britt melting in the back seat with the look of fear-masked-by-determination-to-get-her-way with a hint of regret on her sweet little face. Smile at her with my look of "this is your choice, you'll be sorry" look.
1:40- Drive off alone with my husband, leaving behind the child we let into our hearts and home and pray she remembers some of the things we taught her and that she stays safe. Think this "tough love" could be a bunch of bullshit and I have just signed her death certificate.
1:41- Cry like a big fat baby.
1:45- Call the guy to come change our locks and codes and to fix our alarm system.
1:47 to present- Pray constantly that Britt will be okay and Claire, my 13 y/o, learned nothing bad from her cousin. Consume chocolate at ever possible chance. Enjoy the 2 kids I have left at home. Look ahead with great anticipation to the development of Empty Nest Syndrome.

*****Today is my youngest child's 12th birthday. Cooper, or Coop-a-loop to me, is the sweetest boy known to mankind. I am going to totally immerse myself in him and his wishes today and enjoy the moment of his youthful innocence, knowing that over the next 364 days he will venture closer to the dark side of Teendom. Do you think it's too much weight on his 12 year old shoulders to let him know that he alone holds my teetering sanity and one wrong move could send me plummeting? Yeah, I thought so...


Ronda's Rants said...

I am sorry for all involved...try not to be too smug though...as believe me it can come back to haunt you! You have been there for her and she will remember...it maybe bumby for everyone but those are also charcter building experiences...I know I am 50 and having one right now! Know you are all in my prayers...I am very sorry!

Deb said...

Jill, you can only do as much as you can do - that goes for your sister and Britt. These words will be of no comfort to you, but you did a great job for her while you could. More than some people would have done at all. Know that and hope that she HAS had some common sense ingrained in her over these 3 years.
And while it doesn't sound like you are, do not blame yourself or doubt yourself or the love, time and care you showed that little girl lost.

jill jill bo bill said...

Thanks, girl. I may be calling on you for more advise!!!!!

jill jill bo bill said...

R and D-Both of you wise women!!!

cIII said...

You've certainly had a huge "plate-full" it sounds like. I feel bad for that Kid. Don't beat yourself about the head and ears with the "guilt stick" though. You did what was Right and Good. And that's enough.
Happy b-Day to your Boy!

georgie said...

Wow Jill...
I can't imagine the feelings you must be having.
I know I just found your blog and prolly have no biz commenting on a personal matter... but I would just like to say I admire the fact that you tried to help your Niece and I bet these past 3 years a lot of Values were instilled that WILL come in to play when she is faced with what lies ahead for her back with her Mother...she may not see it now but I bet one day she will be able to realize everything you have done for her.

Hugs to you and your family and a BIG Happy B-Day to Cooper

amelia bedelia said...

a little humor to make this very sad situation better....

Since you have an extra bedroom and bath....(don't anwser too soon) just a thought....Can chris come live there...he's almost 20 and REAL smart and a very clean, well groomed child and I will send money monthly to feed him...? I know you are laughing hysterically now...but hang on, this may change your mind, Chris can amuse you everynight with his poi! (unless you are jill, you have no idea what Im talking about....)hey maybe a post idea for later. Love you sister. You are a great and patient mother. I admire you and your unselfish ways.

Gary ("Old Dude") said...

I probabely agree with your assessment and the girl is--"lost", but then again--maybe not---time will tell, she won't admit it now---but 7-10 years from now she just might, and she will come out of the down spiral and make something of her life----. You did the right thing, you have two other youngun's, yuou don't need that bad seed influencing them.

The Mom said...

Wow, that was a tough move, but you needed to do that. For yourself, for your kids. She will have it hard, but either she or her mother will learn the hard way what it is to bring up a family right.

You can't deprive your own children.

It had to be done. Many prayers to you neice and her mom.

Ronda's Rants said...

See...things are so bad...Chris is coming to live with you!
Love that you both keep your humor!
Happy, Happy Birthday to Cooper!

jill jill bo bill said...

Thank y'all so much for the encouragement and prayers. It's really much harder than I thought and because I am such a control freak, it's a huge "weaning off" time for me. (sigh)
(I can't save the world... ican'tsavetheworld...ican'tsavetheworld...)

Anonymous said...

Jill, you can't save the world, and you gave it your best shot. But you have two at home that require your full attention now. And, I really think they should realize that the girl "went home" because she didn't "want" to change. Remember that.

What you need right now is some time to let the pent up pressure in you dissipate and you can do that by thoroughly enjoy the life that is NOW ahead for you and your group.

ps: they always returnnnnnnnnn.

Hank E. Pankie said...

Well, I love you Mom. Um...and you know how i feel and all. Haha.

Happy Birthday Coop-a-loop! You wanna Avatar game?!

Love you very much, again, MOM!

h2ofossil said...

Jill, my little chick a dee, I have no words that will make this time easier.....just know....I am thinking of you and your family right now.

Please call me should you need to talk. I have personally lived through a similar situation and may have an especially empathetic ear with regard to this particular crisis.

Deb said...

So sorry. That must have been so hard. I don't think there are any words I can add to what people have already said, but I think everyone is right.

iMommy said...

Man, and I thought my day was rough.

It sounds like you did a lot and put up with a lot from this girl; sometimes, you do all you can and it's just not what they need at that moment.

She'll probably realize eventually what you were trying to teach her.

Well done, Jill - I think she was very luck to have three years in your family.

Sidney said...

Wow! You've had a lot to deal with, and you are an incredible woman. It's very difficult to attempt to raise the child of another, especially when they've already been exposed to "life".

Keep her in your prayers, but know that you gave her your all, your best, and don't hang onto any guilt. Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to just let go, but you can do it. She's much better now having had your influence, and that is something she will be able to take with her through life.

Kritta22 said...

wow! I didn't even know you were raising your niece. You are a brave person to do it for three years. Now she knows what life is suppose to be like and hopefully she will live up to that. I'm proud of you. You gotta take take of your nest before helping others. You go girl!
PS Happy Birthday Cooper! Make your wishes come true dude!

Janie said...


Don't trash yourself. The time you've sown into this child will bear good fruit. You've had her a good chunk of her life...something good will rub off.

And remember all the good stuff in your niece, too. The love in your heart shows through for her.

Thanks for your comments on the loss of our Zoie, and for dropping by.

jill jill bo bill said...

Thanks to everyone who has helped me thru this!!!! Love ya all!!!

Plus I was at 19 comments and wanted my first 20.

But I am serious about the gratitude I have for y'all.

careysue said...

Jill, I just read this today...I was late and I'm sorry!

You absolutely did the right thing...the only thing your niece could do for your kids now is bring them down with her.

Who knows maybe she will be at your door... sooner than you think, a changed girl with a different attitude. Hang in there.

Tenakim said...

That sounds really tough... yuo handled it well. I'm so sorry I've been neglectfulto my blog hopping, my issues aren't nearly that tough.

Anonymous said...

WOW, you are such a good person!! Truly!! You did what you could do with her, and well, you have your two younger ones, and yourself to think of too;) She will remember more than you think she will...I promise you that;)

American in Norway said...

Oh gosh... I just found you through Deb. Bless... ... I know you must be going through alot... but know you have done your best. Good luck!