My Weekly B&M

I am starting a new tradition.

Every Friday or Saturday I will be posting my weekly Bitch and Moan post, sharing something that happened to me during that week that I have a gripe about .

You are cordially invited to join in and do the same on your blog or mine.

It will be called MY WEEKLY B&M. Not to be confused with a weekly BM, which would be rather uncomfortable.

This week's B&M:

To the woman who still "hovers" over the toilet in the public restroom,

I realize that you don't want to sit on the public toilet. I also realize that your mother probably has ingrained that position into your little germ-fearing brain. But please, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WIPE YOUR DRIBBLES!!!

I could be cute and clever and say something like "Be a sweetie and wipe the seatie", but LADY, come on. Unless you eat with your ass, what exactly are you scared of contracting?! And maybe someone does eat there, but I would hope you would shower with antibacterial soap for their benefit before they do just that.

For those of us that are too lazy, too fat for our trembling legs to balance our heavy trunk full of junk over the water hole, have to pee too badly to hover because the force will be too great on emission, or a combination of all of those, we have an announcement:

NO AMOUNT OF TOILET PAPER CAN BE USED TO CLEAN UP YOUR TOO-GOOD-TO-SIT-DOWN PEE DROPS. I hope you know you probably kill at least one tree, every time you hover, because if I follow you, at least half that roll will be used to clean your mess up, before I sit my ass down. Stepping in your sprinkles as they pool at the front of the commode is bad enough.

I understand you don't want to someone else's ass germ, but really, don't we all have something covering our hump, our hump, our lovely lady lumps, before we go into the bathroom? And even then, they make the special toilet seat covers and the ever famous, just F'n put some toilet paper on the F'n seat trick.

Now, unless you are mis-shapen, your 'pretty' is surrounded by mounds of flesh, albeit some of us moundier than others, and hopefully doesn't come in contact with the seat itself. The ass germs of the previous sitter, I can promise you, will not crawl into your great divide and give you syphilis. Really.

And I have had small kids that dribbled going onto and off of the potty, but I ALWAYS wiped up their mess. But you can bet your sweet bippy, I am not taking the chance that the dribbles I will sit in might be cute little Emma's.

So, please, turn around after you orbit over the disgusting white throne that in reality just saved you from pissing all in your new Vera Wang trousers, and wipe up your mess.

And do not flush anything except toilet paper!
Thank you,
the Management